


Soft Janis? In MY Groupchat? It's More Likely Than You Think!

by typical_art_dork



Category: Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey
Genre: F/F, I DONT MAKE THE RULES, aaron just wants to escape, cady is a disaster bi, janis and cady are super gay for each other, karen is a precious soft pure human, mentions of abusive parents, regina is super soft for janis, shoutout to my own groupchat, some obscure ships ngl, theyre in love i dont make the rules, yall are the real ones
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-05-23 17:54:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 51
Words: 53,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14939075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/typical_art_dork/pseuds/typical_art_dork
Summary: Disaster gays make a groupchat. All the things happen.





	1. Does Regina is Soft??

**Author's Note:**

> blease dont take this seriously
> 
> i beg of you

the void, 8:35 p.m. 

 

gretch-is-fetch: guys, why isn't karen in this gc? 

gaymian: the pure one must be protected

caddyheron: >:O

gaymian: calm down caddy we all know you were corrupted junior year

gaymian: there's no going back from that

why-its-janis: why am i getting notifs at 8 pm

apexpredator: ALRIGHT WHO CHANGED MY NAME

apexpredator: Also, my bad Gretch. I forgot to add Karen.

why-its-janis: "forgot"

gaymian: this tea is piping

caddyheron: guys stop!! regina's working on her bitchiness 

gaymian: caddy!! language!

caddyheron: oh so JANIS can curse but when i do it im "being too loud" and "disrupting lunch"??? 

apexpredator has added karen-the-sexy-mouse 

karen-the-sexy-mouse: hi every1 !!!

why-its-janis: hi karen! :)

gaymian: a soft janis appears

why-its-janis: nO

caddyheron: does janis sarkisian is soft???

why-its-janis: im NOT SOFT,,,

gretch-is-fetch: screenshotted

caddyheron: yes!!!

why-its-janis: N O

gaymian: its ok janis we all knew u were secretly soft from the beginning

apexpredator: IS NO ONE GOING TO TELL ME WHO CHANGED MY NAME

why-its-janis: whoops it was me

apexpredator: JANIS

why-its-janis: IM SORRY

caddyheron: gasp!!! 

gaymian: janis apologized to regina??? she really IS turning soft

why-its-janis: OH MY GOD,,

gretch-is-fetch: SCREENSHOTTED

why-its-janis: this is homophobia

why-its-janis: THIS IS A HATE CRIME

caddyheron: whoa there buddy

why-its-janis: caddy. put down ur phone right now, look me in the eye, and honestly tell me you genuinely think im soft (without laughing),,, and THEN i will believe u

gaymian: gay

apexpredator: Wait, you two are with each other right now?

why-its-janis: if by "with each other" you mean "in the same room", then yes

apexpredator: Then why aren't you just talking in person?

gaymian: regina's use of capitalization and proper punctuation is taking years off my lifespan

apexpredator: Well I'm sorry I'm the only distinguished member of this godforsaken group chat, Damian. We can't all be disasters.

caddyheron: OH SHOOT

gretch-is-fetch: hhhhsgsjskslk

apexpredator: But seriously, why are Cady and Janis just texting here when they could be talking in person?

caddyheron: don't question our methods

why-its-janis: ^^^

gaymian: and what exactly ARE your methods??

why-its-janis: caddy JUST SAID not to question them,,,,, and whAT DID YOU DO

gaymian: i... questioned them

why-its-janis: you had ONE JOB

caddyheron: janis 

why-its-janis: wha t

why-its-janis: wait where are you??

caddyheron: whatever do u mean

why-its-janis: CADY!! ???

gaymian: oof she used her proper name

gretch-is-fetch: wait what's going on?

why-its-janis: cady left the room or smthg and now im running around my house trying to find her??? 

why-its-janis: cady if you dont come out im never hugging you again

caddyheron: fine

caddyheron: IM BI

gaymian: we know honey you remind us every day

gretch-is-fetch: did you find her???

why-its-janis: nO,, 

caddyheron: i can hear u running around and frantically opening cabinets

caddyheron: your boots are so loud

apexpredator: Janis wears shoes inside her own house?

gaymian: yes

gaymian: she doesn't understand basic etiquette even in her own home

why-its-janis: shut up damian

gaymian: !!!

caddyheron: JANIS DID YOU JUST FALL

gretch-is-fetch: oh my g od

caddyheron: y'all it sounded like she fell down the stairs

gaymian: "y'all"

apexpredator: Go help her?!! Cady what the heck? 

caddyheron: IM COMMITTED TO THE GAME BUT IM SCARED SHE GOT HURT

gaymian: CADY

gaymian: he l p h e r

caddyheron: OK OK

gretch-is-fetch: the fact that it took her that long to decide whether or not to help janis highkey worries me?? 

gaymian: i told you guys,, she's corrupted

apexpredator: oops

gaymian: HHSGSKSNK

gaymian: caddy is janis ok

caddyheron: turns out she DID fall down the stairs

caddyheron: so now im looking for the bandaids

why-its-janis: caddy im never inviting u over again

gaymian: oh my god

caddyheron: IM SORRY!!! <3

apexpredator: Put down your phones and TALK TO EACH OTHER! 

gaymian: says regina

apexpredator: Oh, shut up. 

apexpredator: But really, is Janis okay?

gaymian: does regina is soft

gretch-is-fetch: DOES REGINA IS SOFT

caddyheron: D O E S R E G I N A I S S O F T

apexpredator: No.

why-its-janis: wow regina worrying abt me??? i never thought id see the day,,,

apexpredator: You all know I love you guys, stop acting like it's shocking.

gretch-is-fetch: hhhhHH FREAKINF SCREENSHOTTED

caddyheron: ?????!!!!!! 

gaymian: this is truly monumental

apexpredator: You're all idiots.

caddyheron: there she is!!! 

why-its-janis: caddy,,, 

why-its-janis: why in the na me of GO D

gaymian: ??

why-its-janis: are you using HELLO KITTY BA NDAID S 

gaymian: oh my god

caddyheron: shush theyre cute

why-its-janis: first i fall down a flight of stairs,,

why-its-janis: THEN my friend uses childrens bandaids to patch me up

why-its-janis: cady youre lucky i havent rescinded your hugging rights

caddyheron: THE BANDAIDS ARE CUTE JANIS

why-its-janis: NO THEYRE NOT

apexpredator: Trouble in paradise?

caddyheron: JANIS JUST CHOKED ON HER DRINK

gaymian: regina hhsgsjbs

gretch-is-fetch: SCREENSHOTTED

why-its-janis: CADY ANF I ARE JUSR FRIENDS 

gaymian: they're "jusr friends" guys

why-its-janis: FRICK YOU DAMIAN

why-its-janis: im sorry,,

apexpredator: Janis with anyone else in this group chat: *curses profusely*

Janis with Damian, Cady, and Karen: *struggles to merely insult them*

gretch-is-fetch: ACCURATE

why-its-janis: stOP CALLING ME OUT

karen-the-sexy-mouse: wait are janis and cady dating??? ??

gaymian: a wild karen appears

why-its-janis: NO

gaymian: cady's oddly silent

why-its-janis: its bc shes putting a bandaid on my knee

apexpredator: Janis you're really not making things easier for yourself here. 

why-its-janis: hhsgsjbsj

caddyheron: janis is all fixed up now! 

why-its-janis: yeah with freaking GODAWFUL BANDAIDS

caddyheron: anangryjanis.jpg

gaymian: my new lockscreen!

why-its-janis: NO!!!

gretch-is-fetch: saved to camera roll!!

why-its-janis: CADY WHY

gretch-is-fetch: SHE USED THE PROPER NAME!!!

caddyheron: janis you look f i n e chill out

gaymian: lesbian activity

why-its-janis: damian i am going to KILL YOU TOMORROW

gaymian: oh no im so scared,,,

caddyheron: pfft

why-its-janis: caddy i hope u know you owe me SO HARD for everything thats gone down today

apexpredator: I'm just reading all of this with a bowl of popcorn and honestly, it's better than most of the reality TV shows I watch. 

gaymian: RT 

caddyheron: sorry jan,,, how will i ever repay u

gaymian: "jan"??

apexpredator: I used to call her that in fifth grade. 

gretch-is-fetch: screenshotted!

caddyheron: idk i just feel like she needs a nickname?? bc she calls me caddy all the time???

why-its-janis: you can start by never calling me "jan" again

gaymian: OH SHOOT 

why-its-janis: and work your way up by complementing me constantly :) 

gretch-is-fetch: oof

caddyheron: but i already do that??

gaymian: HhhJsjskKK

apexpredator: She's not wrong.

apexpredator: "Janis I love your jacket!"

apexpredator: "Janis you're such a good artist!!!"

caddyheron: ok this is biphobic 

apexpredator: "Janis you look so pretty today!" 

why-its-janis has removed apexpredator from the group chat 

caddyheron: holy HECK

gaymian: janis has a deathwish

why-its-janis: nope, janis is just really sick of everyone insisting she and her friend are dating

why-its-janis: WHEN THEYRE NOT

gretch-is-fetch: oof

caddyheron: yikes...

gaymian: janis chill

gaymian: regina was kidding its fine

gaymian has added apexpredator to the chat

apexpredator: T R E A S O N

gretch-is-fetch: oh no

caddyheron: pray for janis 2k18


	2. Ask Her About Her Cats

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gay update im really enjoying writing this fic

the void, 11:36 a.m. 

caddyheron: gUYS

gaymian: caddy are you texting in class?! :o

caddyheron: chill its calculus, i dont need to pay attention

apexpredator: Watch her miss something super important. 

caddyheron: anyway for any of you who weREN'T in third period with mrs blackstone,, 

gaymian: oh this was so good

gretch-is-fetch: IM HERE NOW

caddyheron: fantastic

caddyheron: aNYWAY

caddyheron: so janis, being janis, was on her phone in class again 

apexpredator: I expected nothing less of her.

gaymian: OOF

caddyheron: and mrs blackstone saw her, but janis had no idea

caddyheron: so me and damian were just frantically motioning for her to put it up but this poor child saw NONE OF IT

caddyheron: and mrs blackstone came up to her and s l a m m e d her hands on janis' desk and janis just looks her   
d e a d in the eye and goes ,,,

gaymian: i cant breathe just remembering this

gaymian: i almost went into cardiac arrest

caddyheron: in the most condescending tone possible,,,

caddyheron: "can i h e l p you?" and damian just loSES IT

gaymian: i couldnt help it! 

apexpredator: Janis is Chaotic Evil. 

gretch-is-fetch: hard RT

gretch-is-fetch: so what happened after that??

caddyheron: oh! 

caddyheron: so mrs blackstone, over damian and like half the class just Dying™️, goes "hand it over" and janis pretends like shes gonna give it to her and when mrs blackstone goes to grab it she like jerks her wrist back,, 

gaymian: it was phenomenal

gaymian: i was crying at this point

caddyheron: anyway

caddyheron: janis is in ISS now

apexpredator: Incredible!

gretch-is-fetch: scrEENSHOTTED

caddyheron: ,,,,i miss her

why-its-janis: aww caddy <3

apexpredator: WHAT IS HAPPENING

gaymian: ??? !! janis how

why-its-janis: i snuck out of ISS and nabbed a janitor's key ring to get into mrs blackstone's room

why-its-janis: got my phone, snuck BACK into ISS

why-its-janis: and here we are

caddyheron: you're going to get in SO much trouble

why-its-janis: she'll probably forget abt the whole debacle in third period today, it's a friday and everything

why-its-janis: it'll b fine

apexpredator: Janis. 1) Mrs. Blackstone forgets nothing. Good luck with that. 2) Why did you abbreviate the word "be"? You'd only have to type out ONE more letter?? 

why-its-janis: shut up

caddyheron: gasp

gretch-is-fetch: janis you're gonna get suspended

gaymian: rt good luck young one

why-its-janis: wow ok FIRSTLY

why-its-janis: IT WILL BE FINE

why-its-janis: SECONDLY,,, damian im ONLY ONE MONTH YOUNGER THAN YOU

caddyheron: oh my god

caddyheron: guys mrs blackstone just cAME IN HERE ASKING FOR JANIS

caddyheron: "Janis Sarkisian was supposed to be in In School Suspension but it seems she's gotten into my room and left before I could catch her. I was wondering if anyone here knows her or knows what she's up to?" 

why-its-janis: jsksjsksf

gaymian: JANIS RUN

apexpredator: I'm laughing SO HARD

gretch-is-fetch: OH MY GOD GUYS JANIS JUST ZOOMED DOWN THE HALLWAY OUTSIDE MY CLASS

gretch-is-fetch: IM DYING

caddyheron: im gonna ask mrs norbury for the hall pass and go get her hang on

why-its-janis: im hiding in the janitors closet

gaymian: i genuinely cant believe im missing this 

gaymian: cady wheres mrs blackstone?? 

caddyheron: shes walking down the same hall i am

why-its-janis: oh god distract her!! 

caddyheron: what do i say?!! 

gaymian: ask her about her cats!! she has 11

caddyheron: ok ok im on it

why-its-janis: I CAN HEAR THEM FROM IN HERE HHH

why-its-janis: OH MY G O D CADDY

gaymian: what??! 

why-its-janis: "Mrs. Blackstooonne!! How are your cats?? Also, where are you headed? This hallway only leads to the ISS room and that regular old janitor's closet." 

gaymian: oh my god

gaymian: i Love Her but,,,

gretch-is-fetch: IM CRYING IN CLASS RN FROM LAUGHING SO MUCH

why-its-janis: MRS BLACKSTONE IS WALKING AGAIN AND I CAN HEAR CADY FRANTICALLY TRYING TO STALL HER HDHJSHS

why-its-janis: "So I wanted to ask you about our essay-" 

caddyheron: JNAIS IM SORRY I COULDNT STOP HER

gaymian: JNAIS

apexpredator: JNAIS

gretch-is-fetch: JNAIS

caddyheron: STOP BULLYING ME!!!

why-its-janis: oh my god caddy its ok

why-its-janis: seriously dont worry abt it

caddyheron: :((( 

caddyheron: gay update mrs blackstone just opened the janitors closet door with a key she got from the janitor 

gaymian: "gay update" 

gretch-is-fetch: JANIS RUN

apexpredator: Stay and accept your fate!

gaymian: RUN JANIS RUN

caddyheron: oh my god oH MY SHSGHS

gaymian: did cady just die

apexpredator: Sadly, no. I went out in the hall to get a drink of water (I'm in the same class as Gretch) and had the misfortune of watching Janis push past Mrs. Blackstone, grab Cady by the arm, and take off at maximum velocity down the hallway. Mrs. Blackstone is just standing there, looking like she really hates her job. 

gretch-is-fetch: "Sadly,"

gaymian: OH MY GOD 

gaymian: this is the bEST DA Y

gretch-is-fetch: regina did you get a video?!!! 

apexpredator: janisandcadyrunning.mov

gaymian: OH,,, MY god

gretch-is-fetch: JANIS IS SO FAST???

gaymian: cady looks like her soul left her body 

apexpredator: Pray for them.

why-its-janis: WE JUST RAN OUT OF SCHOOL

gaymian: whAT??!! 

caddyheron: JANIS WHAT THE HELL

gretch-is-fetch: screenshotted

apexpredator: You're BOTH going to get suspended.

why-its-janis: IM SORRY CADDY <333

gaymian: just talk to her in person??

why-its-janis: shes not looking at me??

why-its-janis: CADY

caddyheron: ,,,,

gaymian: OOF

caddyheron: yes???

why-its-janis: im sorry!! i didnt know what to do i acted on instinct

apexpredator: Instinct is immediately grabbing Cady and running?

why-its-janis: ..yes?

gaymian: lesbian activity

why-its-janis: shutup.jpg

gretch-is-fetch: janis looks pissed 

gretch-is-fetch: damian run

apexpredator: JANIS AND CADY WHEREVER YOU ARE, RUN

apexpredator: MRS. BLACKSTONE JUST WENT OUT THE DOUBLE DOORS

gaymian: this lady is RELENTLESS???!

gretch-is-fetch: OHMYGOD

why-its-janis: well,,,

caddyheron: we just got freaking suspended

apexpredator: OH MY GOD

gretch-is-fetch: IM SCREAMING

why-its-janis: I TRIED TO RUN AND THIS WOMAN GRABBED MY WRIST?? I almost ascended into another plane of existence 

caddyheron: janis looked So Scared i wanted to punch mrs blackstone

gaymian: caddy is chaotic good 

gretch-is-fetch: rt

gaymian: i still cant believe all of this happened in less than three hours

why-its-janis: me and cady are riding home early with cady's mom

why-its-janis: shes being surprisingly chill abt it??? im confusion

caddyheron: its cause my mom loves you to death janis

why-its-janis: ok true

why-its-janis: can i spend the night? my mom's working the late shift and my stepdad is Not going to be happy with me

caddyheron: of course!!

gaymian: aww my favorite gays

caddyheron: im bi actually,,

gaymian: WE KNOW


	3. Regina's One True Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regina is afraid of the kool-aid man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ft. sleep-deprived janis

the void, 1:32 a.m.

 

why-its-janis: do y'all ever think about the fragility of human existence

gaymian: janis,,,,

gaymian: sweetie,,,,,,,

gaymian: it is ONE IN THE MORNING

apexpredator: Janis, get your angst under control. It's too early for this.

why-its-janis: sorry gina ;)

gaymian: hhskhsjdh

apexpredator: NO!!!!!!!

caddyheron: who FREAKING texted

caddyheron: oh

why-its-janis: IM SORRY I DONT CHECK THE TIME

caddyheron: janis why are you even up???

why-its-janis: insomnia.jpg

gaymian: oh honey,, 

why-its-janis: i cant sleep so im just. sitting in bed

caddyheron: :((( janis....

apexpredator: I thought you had meds for your insomnia??

why-its-janis: i ran out & my mom keeps forgetting to get more

gaymian: want me to come over?

why-its-janis: darling its one in the morning

why-its-janis: its fine guys, im just gonna watch the office for a couple of hours

caddyheron: im coming over

why-its-janis: caddy no,,

caddyheron: i only live like a block away 

caddyheron: we can just chill out itll be fun

gaymian: wow cady is an actual angel???

apexpredator: We stan! 

caddyheron: <333

why-its-janis: cady seriously its ok 

\--

caddyheron >> why-its-janis

caddyheron: janis dont worry about it, i want to come over 

why-its-janis: sorry for waking you up

caddyheron: shh its fineee

caddyheron: im almost there open ur window 

\--

the void, 8:32 a.m. 

gaymian: regina is afraid of the kool-aid man

caddyheron: im sorry WHAT

why-its-janis: e x c u s e

gretch-is-fetch: wait seriously?? how did i not know this?!!!!

gaymian: she confessed over the phone last night,, we were having one of our Late Night Gay Crisis talks

apexpredator: DAMIAN HUBBARD

why-its-janis: oh no

gaymian: IM SORRY IT WAS TOO GOOD

apexpredator: I TOLD YOU THAT IN CONFIDENCE!!! 

caddyheron: i actually can not BELIEVE this is happening rn

caddyheron: are we being punked?

why-its-janis: regina,,,,, w h y are you scared of the kool-aid man???

apexpredator: This is BLATANT lesbophobia!!

apexpredator: You're all going to hell. 

caddyheron: regina why does he scare you??!! 

gaymian: because "he's always hanging around kids, why doesn't he just stop being a creep and get a job or something?!" 

caddyheron: but his job is being the kool-aid man?? 

why-its-janis: she makes an EXCELLENT point

gretch-is-fetch: ALL OF THIS,, IS SCREENSHOTTED

why-its-janis: gretchen i love u

gaymian: gay update janis is leaving cady for gretchen

cady: ??! 

why-its-janis: shut up damian im my own woman

apexpredator: THE KOOL-AID MAN IS TERRIFYING AND YOU LOWLY PEASANTS WILL NEVER TRULY UNDERSTAND THE PERIL HE CAUSES ME 

caddyheron: oh my god

why-its-janis: screenshotted

gaymian: ARE ANY OF YOU AT SCHOOL YET

why-its-janis: me and cady are almost there

why-its-janis: why are you yelling??

gaymian: THERES A FIGHT HAPPENING OUTSIDE

gretch-is-fetch: GET A VIDEO I DESPERATELY NEED MORE VIEWS ON YT

gaymian: ok ok im on it

gaymian: canipleasegetawaffle.mov

caddyheron: fighting in the cafeteria at breakfast over the last waffle is a whole mood

why-its-janis: OH MY GOD

apexpredator: This is the next generation of voters. This is what we're stuck with. 

gaymian: jesus christ

 

\--

 

the void, 10:25 a.m. 

 

why-its-janis: whats the past tense of yeet?? im taking a poll

apexpredator: Yeeted. 

caddyheron: absolutely Not

caddyheron: there is no past yeet. the only true yeets are the yeets we experience in the moment. the yeets we experience together.

gaymian: yoted

why-its-janis: caddy that was beautiful

caddyheron: finally im getting the attention i deserve! 

gretch-is-fetch: yate

gaymian: NO NO NO

gaymian: blocked

gretch-is-fetch: I TOOK A RISK AND I DONT REGRET IT 

why-its-janis: how could you say something so controversial, yet so brave?

gaymian: regina just choked on her weird vegan smoothie 

gretch-is-fetch: IM SORRY REGINA

apexpredator: You're all dead to me. 

why-its-janis: love u too babe <333

caddyheron: GASP

apexpredator: Janis?

why-its-janis: ya???

apexpredator: Perish.

gaymian: SCREENSHOTTED

gretch-is-fetch: im laughinG SO HARD

why-its-janis: YOU FRICKING FRICKS

caddyheron: WHEN WILL YOU LEARN 

 

\--

 

the void, 2:34 p.m.

 

gaymian: earlier today the lunch lady told me im one of god's mistakes

caddyheron: HJSHSKSHSKL

why-its-janis: caddy almost got caught texting in class and it was hilarious

apexpredator: Pray for Cady 2k18.

gretch-is-fetch: GUYS GUYS GUYS

why-its-janis: gays*

caddyheron: hhhkshsks

gaymian: what is it gretch??

gretch-is-fetch: REGINA JUST GOT HER PHONE TAKEN AND SHE LOOKS LIKE SHES GOING TO MURDER OUR TEACHER WHAT DO I DO

gaymian: RECORD IT!!

caddyheron: uhhh??!! try to stop  
her???! 

gretch-is-fetch: SHES GETTING OUT OF HER SEAT??!

why-its-janis: VIDEO VIDEO VIDEO

gretch-is-fetch: HJSHSKHAKJHS

caddyheron: gretchen??!

gaymian: did gretchen just die

why-its-janis: probably,,,

why-its-janis: gretch are u okay

gaymian: SOFT JANIS RETURNS

why-its-janis: stop.

caddyheron: soft janis never left

caddyheron: shes always been here yall

why-its-janis: say yall again and ill scalp you within an inch of your life

gaymian: holy crap

caddyheron: soft janis is dead

gretch-is-fetch: regina just walked up to our teacher & said something only she could hear and i kid you not this womans face DRAINED OF COLOR AND SHE HANDED REGINA HER PHONE

gaymian: holy cRAP

apexpredator: Are we all just going to ignore the fact that Janis literally used the word "y'all" just last night??

gaymian: A VALID POINT

why-its-janis: it was ONE A.M. 

why-its-janis: I WAS SLEEP DEPRIVED

caddyheron: true :( 

caddyheron: when i got over there she looked rlly bad

gretch-is-fetch: cADY HSHSBJS

caddyheron: what??

caddyheron: oh no was that mean

why-its-janis: IM TRYING SO HARD NOT TO LAUGH IN CLASS 

caddyheron: IM SORRY

why-its-janis: ITS OK ILY <3

caddyheron: <3

gretch-is-fetch: SOFT JANIS IS BACK

why-its-janis: Die

gaymian: and just as quickly as she appeared,,, she was gone


	4. Cady Gets Big Time Exposed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i have No Idea What Im Doing but thank you sm to all of you leaving kudos and commenting!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I'm adding in Aaron and the Mathletes (& there will be more of Karen) in the next chapter I promise!! Still working on getting their voices down, oof

the void, 10:23 a.m.

 

gaymian: so why is school cancelled again??

apexpredator: Ohhh boy...

apexpredator: Cady's about to get Big Time Exposed

caddyheron: regina,,,

caddyheron: regINA NO WE TALKED ABT THIS

caddyheron: PLEASE DNONT TELL THEM

why-its-janis: is caddy ok

gaymian: nah i think shes having a conniption

caddyheron: I AM NOT HAVING

caddyheron: A CONNIPTION??!?!!!

gaymian: reginald WHAT HAPPENED

apexpredator: We were in the band room basement because Cady was putting away her clarinet and I was giving her a ride home afterward, and she decided it would be a stellar idea to use the pipes as monkey bars. Needless to say, a pipe broke and flooded the first floor of the building. 

why-its-janis: HHHSJSGSKK

gaymian: regina you killed janis

gaymian: i hope you're happy with yourself

apexpredator: Oh I am.

caddyheron: REGINA!!!!!??? WE AGREED NOT TO TELL ANYONE

apexpredator: Sorry, my hand slipped.

gaymian: regina is my favorite human being ngl

why-its-janis: ouch

gaymian: OH NO 

gaymian: HONEY NO,,, 

why-its-janis: theres no taking it back 

gaymian: JANIS WAIT IM SORRY,

gretch-is-fetch: my god this is dramatic

gretch-is-fetch: i love it 

why-its-janis: damian ill forgive u on one condition,,

gaymian: WHTA

caddyheron: three minutes without janis as his best friend and he already forgets how to type,, truly a tragedy 

why-its-janis: can you come over and watch horror movies with me???

gaymian: ABOSULUTELY 

caddyheron: this is so sad,,,, 

apexpredator: I feel bad for both of them. They're so codependent.

why-its-janis: says you, who spent the entirety of most of her high school life depending on solely two people

gretch-is-fetch: THIS IS SOME GOOD TEA

apexpredator: Don't come for me, Janis, I could destroy you if I wanted to  
in a matter of seconds. 

caddyheron: UM HOW ABOUT NO??

caddyheron: reginald pls i lov her

gretch-is-fetch: GJSHSJHS

gaymian: reel it in regina

apexpredator: Fine. I'll be in my room having my third Existential Crisis of the day if anyone needs me.

caddyheron: oh BIG MOOD

why-its-janis: angsty cady is Not a good concept

why-its-janis: caddy come over and watch movies with me and damian!! 

caddyheron: marvelous idea!!! 

\--

the void, 6:23 a.m.

why-its-janis: rise and shine you fricking fricks

apexpredator: I don't like waking up to texts from Janis. 

caddyheron: wheN WILL YOU LEARN

caddyheron: THAT YOUR ACTIO N S

why-its-janis: HAVE CONSEQUENCES

gaymian: hssjshsk

gaymian: why in the name of alyssa edwards are you all awake at this Ungodly Hour

caddyheron: damian we have school

gaymian: hsjsbksk

why-its-janis: oh my god,,,,

why-its-janis: DID YOU SERIOUSLY FORGET??! 

gaymian: IM SORRY ITS NOT MY FAULT IM GAY

apexpredator: I crave Death in this moment on a level that's difficult to put into words. 

why-its-janis: regina do u need a hug??

apexpredator: Not from you.

gaymian: soft janis was INSTANTLY SHUT DOWN

caddyheron: OH MY GOD

caddyheron: REGIN A,,,

karen-the-sexy-mouse: guys is orandgde spelled with the d in front or behind the g??? i need to know for my history report! 

gretch-is-fetch: there's no d in the word orange, karen

karen-the-sexy-mouse: ....

why-its-janis: look at her, shes got anxiety

why-its-janis: great job gretchen

caddyheron: oh no

karen-the-sexy-mouse: so its "oragne"?

gaymian: oh honey,,,, 

apexpredator: Yep! You got it Karen!

why-its-janis: reg i n a,,,,,?!!!

apexpredator: Shut up! It's called Positive Reinforcement!! 

caddyheron: or lying 

why-its-janis: HSHGSJSH

why-its-janis: wait,, why does she need to know,,, for her HISTORY report

caddyheron: Top Ten of the World's Greatest Mysteries

\--

the void, 9:17 a.m.

 

gaymian: YALL WILL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED IN FIRST BLOCK

caddyheron: yall

why-its-janis: yall

gretch-is-fetch: yall

apexpredator: yall

karen-is-a-sexy-mouse: what are we doing?? ?

gaymian: this is harassment

gaymian: i came to tell a hilarious story and ive been bamboozled in my own group chat

caddyheron: WE'RE SORRY

apexpredator: I'm not.

caddyheron: PLS TELL US THE STORY

gaymian: fine you've won me over

why-its-janis: weak

gaymian: ........anyway,

gaymian: in first block today (chem) mrs. henderson was absent so we had a substitute, and she wasn't really supervising us,, at ALL,,, this lady was playing sudoko on her computer, so things were already a little out of control

gaymian: and aaron was talking w his football friends (one of whom was eating a sandwich in class,,,??) and it looked like he was getting super into the story,, and ig whatever metaphor he was using involved throwing something because he just gRABS HIS FRIEND's saNDWICH AND 

gaymian: CHUCKS IT ACROSS THE ROOM

caddyheron: jesus christ

gaymian: IM NOT DONE,,,

gretch-is-fetch: oh no ive heard about this,,, that was AARON?!! 

gaymian: yep

gaymian: the sandwich hiTS THE SUBSTITUTE IN TH EFA CE

caddyheron: NO!!!

gaymian: YES

gaymian: she FINALLY looks up

gaymian: and goes,,, "w h o t h r e w  
t h a t ?" 

gaymian: I WAS HAVING A STROKE 

gaymian: and aaron didnt even really realize that he'd done what he'd done until he looked around at everyone staring at him,, and i guess he panicked bc he took one look at the sub and JUMPED OUT THE NEAREST WINDOW

caddyheron: ?!!!?!!?!!!! OH MY GOD IS HE OKAY

gaymian: YES OMG he's okay it was only the first floor

gaymian: i really should have clarified that

why-its-janis: aaron samuels is an absolute LEGEND 

apexpredator: What an idiot. 

apexpredator: I love him. 

why-its-janis: ...does regina george is hetero??

apexpredator: I MEANT PLATONICALLY?

caddyheron: DOES REGINA GEORGE IS HETERO??

gaymian: DOES REGINA GEORGE IS  
H E T E R O ??

apexpredator: Stop. I can and will end all of you. 

why-its-janis: regina a week ago: "You all know I love you guys, stop acting like it's shocking." 

regina today: I WILL END ALL OF YOU HJSHSJBS

apexpredator: That's actually not how it went but go off, I guess.

why-its-janis: for the love of GOD just make a typo already

apexpredator: I have to establish my dominance over my inferiors somehow, Janis. And it's working, so can you really blame me?

why-its-janis: Two can play at thta game, bitch. 

gaymian: janis....

caddyheron: she tried her best damian

gaymian: honey.......

why-its-janis: ??? what?

gaymian: .....re-read your message

apexpredator: I'm laughing so hard

why-its-janis: SHIT

\--

the void, 12:47 p.m.

 

why-its-janis: i honestly hate so many kids at this school

gaymian: what happened?? 

why-its-janis: jshsjhhg

apexpredator: Who do I have to murder? 

caddyheron: SOFT REGINA RETURNS

caddyheron: oh no janis??? 

why-its-janis: so my english teacher INSISTS that we sit in alphabetical order and the kid who sits beside me is actually Satan incarnate

why-its-janis: peter reyes, on a good day: "we should burn the gay pride flag"

peter reyes, on a bad day: *calls me d*ke repeatedly and kicks me when i dont give him a reaction* 

apexpredator: GIVE ME HIS PHONE NUMBER AND ADDRESS 

gaymian: im gonna kill him

gaymian: did you talk to the teacher??

caddyheron: janis im SO SORRY 

caddyheron: rt @ damian

why-its-janis: ive talked to the teacher multiple times and she hasnt done anything?? so like, now im hiding in a bathroom ig

apexpredator: Which one? I was gonna skip this class anyway.

why-its-janis: its fine regina

gaymian: RT im coming too

caddyheron: ^^^

karen-is-a-sexy-mouse: i wanna come!! 

gretch-is-fetch: wait whats going on??

gretch-is-fetch: aww janis!! :( which bathroom are you in

why-its-janis: girls room in the english wing on the second floor of the annex building

why-its-janis: seriously guys im not super upset or anything i just dont wanna have to listen to that idiot for 45 more minutes

why-its-janis: wait cady dont you have a test this block?? 

caddyheron: suddenly ive forgotten all  
my responsibilities

gaymian: ME

apexpredator: Open the stall door, Janis. Me and Gretch are here! 

why-its-janis: <333

\--

the void, 2:47 p.m.

 

caddyheron: YALL GUESS WHAT

why-its-janis: i was gonna say what but then i saw the word yall and instantly lost faith in you :/


	5. Karen Wreaking Havoc? In MY High School?! It's More Likely Than You Think!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kevin g makes an appearance, regina and gretchen have a race in high heels, and karen makes a bad decision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whats up lads

the void, 2:47 p.m.

 

gretch-is-fetch: wait cady what was the story?? ?

caddyheron: janis upset me so now i might not tell it >:(

apexpredator: Just use emojis like everyone else, you useless lesbians! 

caddyheron: im bi actually

apexpredator: Dear God.

apexpredator: Just tell us the story.

caddyheron: ok ok so in fifth period spanish,,

why-its-janis: ......wait,

why-its-janis: CADY NO

gretch-is-fetch: IS THIS A JANIS STORY

why-its-janis: CADY WE AGREED THIS WOULD STAY BETWEEN US,,!?!!?

apexpredator: She's using her real name again?? Cady, this must be serious.

caddyheron: im sorry janis,,

caddyheron: its just too great not to tell

gaymian: what is occurring?? i just almost got my phone taken this better be good

caddyheron: oh it is

why-its-janis: i well NEVER hug you again

caddyheron: IM SORRY OK

caddyheron: OK SO IN FIFTH PERIOD SPANISH HHSJSHJ

gaymian: caddy???? 

apexpredator: We're in the same Physics class. Janis just tackled Cady from a seat away. 

gretch-is-fetch: jESUS

apexpredator: andthatishowcadyherondied.mov

gaymian: OHH MY GOD 

caddyheron: nothing happenef guys it was a p rank

apexpredator: Janis has Cady's phone now. We can't trust anything that's sent here.

caddyheron: LIES

caddyheron: SLANDER TO MY GOOD NAME 

caddyheron: this is bipHOBIC JSVSJ

apexpredator: They're getting detention. Cady had her phone for a hot minute but Janis took it back. They're STILL on the floor.

gaymian: THIS IS FANTASTIC

gretch-is-fetch: i REALLY want to know what janis did that constitutes THIS 

apexpredator: cadyandjanislegitimatelyfighting.mov

gaymian: poor caddy,,

gretch-is-fetch: i love that regina is a SEAT AWAY FROM THEM and is just taking videos instead of helping

gaymian: cady: *gets kicked in the face*

regina, recording them: guys you need to look TOWARDS the camera

gaymian: this is Quality Content

\--

the void, 8:23 p.m.

 

caddyheron: WE FINALLY ESCAPED DETENTION

why-its-janis: she means we're out of detention,, we didnt sneak out or anything

caddyheron: :((

caddyheron: im sorry abt earlier jan

why-its-janis: 1) i forgive u 2) call me jan again and ill Never Speak To You Again

gaymian: aww theyre making up!!

apexpredator: Janis and Cady are making out???

why-its-janis: REGINA ,,, S T O P

apexpredator: Sorry I can't hear you over all the sapphic vibes in this chat.

gretch-is-fetch: a legendary response

caddyheron has added kingkevin to the chat

why-its-janis: HWAT THE FRIDCKSHSK

gaymian: janis just died, fantastic job cady

kingkevin: what can i say?? i have that effect on the ladies ;))

gaymian: GET HIM OUT

apexpredator: No...

apexpredator: NO!!!! 

caddyheron: guys chill hes not that bad

why-its-janis: HSHGSHSHSJJ

kingkevin: im recruiting new mathletes

kingkevin: so if any of yall wanna get LIT in washington for next semesters tournament,,

caddyheron: kevin no,

kingkevin: hit me up!! we have jackets now

caddyheron: they know that,,,,

caddyheron: kevin weve had jackets since the end of junior year

apexpredator: BOOT HIM

apexpredator: REMOVE HIM

apexpredator: HHSHKSJS

gaymian: SOMEONE RESURRECT JANIS REGINA JUST KEYBOARD SMASHED

kingkevin: speaking of smashed,,,

caddyheron has removed kingkevin from the chat

why-its-janis: oH,,,, mY god

apexpredator: Shut up.

why-its-janis: SCREENSHOTTED

\--

the void, 7:35 a.m. 

 

caddyheron has added aaron to the chat

aaron: why am i here

apexpredator: Someone change his name, it's boring.

aaron: wait no,,

why-its-janis has changed aaron's name to troybolton

troybolton: ..... 

troybolton: really?? 

why-its-janis: FINALLY

why-its-janis: HE IS IN HIS TRUE FORM 

troybolton: cady why did you add me i have like 2000 unread messages now???

caddyheron: iM SORRY HDGSJHS

apexpredator: She's not. 

apexpredator: She's in the same class as me, and she's laughing. 

troybolton: jesus christ

caddyheron: REGINALD WHY,,,?!!

apexpredator: cadylosingit.mov

why-its-janis: SHES TRYING SO HARD NOT TO LAUGH 

gaymian: hsjhsjshk

caddyheron: THIS IS BIPHOBIC

\--

the void, 8:24 a.m.

 

karen-is-a-sexy-mouse: what do u call an alligator wearing a vest?? :D

apexpredator: Please, not this again.

troybolton: an inVEST-igator??

why-its-janis: ^what aaron said sounds more like an alligator that makes investments,,,

caddyheron: i am confusion

karen-is-a-sexy-mouse: did aaron look it up?? how did he know???? 

troybolton: what can i say,,, 

troybolton: yes i looked it up

karen-is-a-sexy-mouse has removed troybolton from the chat

why-its-janis: KAREN HSHSJHSJK

gaymian: OH MY GOD,,,

caddyheron has added troybolton to the chat

troybolton: crap.

why-its-janis: ?? we're not THAT bad

apexpredator: Well...

gaymian: weLL,,,, 

caddyheron: wELL,..,,,,

why-its-janis: oh come on guys

gaymian: do i need to start sending receipts?? because i have a LOT

why-its-janis: OK OK WE're thAT BAD

\--

the void, 11:37 a.m.

 

troybolton: can someone please tell me why i just saw regina and gretchen running at full speed down the hallway?

caddyheron: they're having a race :)

why-its-janis: caddy what

caddyheron: :)))

why-its-janis: ?? EXPLAIN

gaymian: me and caddy dared them to race each other down the hallway in each others heels to see if they could endure being in each others shoes

gaymian: as you can tell, its going great

karen-the-sexy-mouse: zoomzoom.mov

why-its-janis: REGINA IS LOSING HSGSJH ??!!

why-its-janis: WHAT HALLWAY ARE YOU GUYS ON

troybolton: senior science wing

why-its-janis: thx aaron <3

troybolton: <3

gaymian: STRAIGHT?!! 

why-its-janis: JHJSBSJKSK STOP,,,

why-its-janis: ok im on my way

caddyheron: aaron tryna steal my girl

why-its-janis: HHSJSHJ CADDY WHAT

caddyheron: YALL REGINA JUST FELL

why-its-janis: !!!!!! IM OMW

gaymian: reginaldsdeath.mov

karen-the-sexy-mouse: REGINA!! are you okay?!!

gaymian: she just fell karen she cant text here yet

karen-the-sexy-mouse: thought i said that out loud, sorry!!

caddyheron: ......anyway,

gretch-is-fetch: I EMERGE VICTORIOUS

why-its-janis: GRETCHEN UR MY QUEEN

gretch-is-fetch: SUCK IT REGINA!!!!

apexpredator: Die.

\--

the void, 12:41 a.m.

 

why-its-janis: hey y'all

apexoredator: GOD I hate you sometimes.

why-its-janis: ive been attacked

gaymian: hello yes 911 id like to report a murder

caddyheron: reginald! apologize

apexpredator: Why?

caddyheron: ,,,because you were Rude

apexpredator: Not a good enough reason. Sorry, love-- goodnight! 

gaymian: i will never fully be on reginas level of not caring

caddyheron: none of us will

troybolton: guys karen just facetimed me from the school talking about a prank???

why-its-janis: its past midnight hoW THE

gaymian: GUYS

gaymian: she just called me and asked if it was "go time"?!!!

caddyheron: well what did you say???

gaymian: ......

why-its-janis: damian??!

gaymian: I SAID YES I PANICKED OK

caddyheron: ??! WHY WOULD YOU SAY YES

gaymian: IM SORRY

apexpredator: Oh God, I know what she's doing...

why-its-janis: ????!

apexpredator: Yesterday at lunch me and Gretch were messing around and joking about playing this prank on Principal Duvall... I guess she thought we were serious. 

why-its-janis: reginald what is she doing

apexpredator: I gotta go.

why-its-janis: HHHSJS REGINA?!!

gaymian: WJAT IS HAPPENING JSHJS

apexpredator: I'm riding up to the school to stop her.

why-its-janis: REGINA WHAT IS KAREN DOING 

apexpredator: Delete these texts if you can so there's no evidence of your or my involvement. 

caddyheron: IM HAVING A STROKE REGINA WHAT

karen-the-sexy-mouse: ok guys! phase three is a go!! :D

apexpredator: PHASE T H R E E ?!!

why-its-janis: KAREN NO

gaymian: KAREN!!!????

gretch-is-fetch: what's up guys?? :)

gretch-is-fetch: OH NO

apexpredator: Karen. STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND WAIT OUTSIDE THE SCHOOL. I'M PICKING YOU UP.

caddyheron: whattheheck

karen-the-sexy-mouse: ok... what do i do with all the shaving cream? 

caddyheron: ???!!! W H A T

apexpredator: KAREN DO NOT MOVE

karen-the-sexy-mouse: okay!! :)

gaymian: this interaction is taking DECADES off my lifespan

\--

the void, 7:34 a.m.

 

gaymian: GUYS

gaymian: GET TO SCHOOL RIGHT NOW

why-its-janis: caddy, gretch, and i are on our way

gaymian: thank god,,,

gaymian: delete all of the messages from last night

caddyheron: why?!!!

gaymian: just do it

gaymian: and meet me in the cafeteria at 8

 

 


	6. Sad Breakfast Club™️

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> still have no clue what im doing but you guys seem to like this so?? yeet
> 
> ALSO- the youtube link janis sends will take you to an actual vine compilation!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> regina is a Big Mood in this one

the void, 8:35 a.m.

 

why-its-janis: i still fail to understand why they're giving us ALL detention,,

apexpredator: Because we were all in the same group chat as Karen, Janis. It was incriminating. 

caddyheron: ugh

caddyheron: *i* still fail to understand why karen had to put PINK SHAVING CREAM on EVERYTHING in principal duvall's office

caddyheron: even the walls and floor.....

why-its-janis: HARD RT

gaymian: im kinda proud of her

gretch-is-fetch: same, she did a good job for what its worth??

why-its-janis: i mean, it looked pretty cool. i got some aesthetic photos for my tumblr!

apexpredator: It's times like these that I genuinely question why the fresh hell I'm friends with Janis. 

caddyheron: HSJHSJSNK

why-its-janis: HELLO 911 ID LIKE TO REPORT A MURDER

apexpredator: You're reporting your own death???

why-its-janis: ....

why-its-janis: y e s

troybolton: i cant believe im missing football practice to be stuck in detention with all of you

caddyheron: HELLO 911 YES ID LIKE TO REPORT SIX MURDERS

why-its-janis: troy!!! 

troybolton has changed why-its-janis's name to infidel

infidel: you FRICKING FRICKS

caddyheron has changed infidel's name to why-its-janis

why-its-janis: ORDER IS RESTORED

caddyheron: <333

why-its-janis: <333

apexpredator: Oh, vomit. 

gaymian: YALL I HAVE A STORY

apexpredator: Marvelous. Is it is bad as the last one you told us? 

why-its-janis: DAMIAN SHE ENDED YOU

gaymian: .....anyway,

gaymian: IM IN ENGLISH WITH CADDY AND JANIS RN AND OUR TEACHER WAS EXPLAINING THE DEFINITION OF NEUROTIC AND JANIS GOES 

gaymian: "its like me but worse"

caddyheron: HHSJHSJ I WENT INTO CARDIAC ARREST

gaymian: caddydyingandjanislookingsmug.mov

apexpredator: Beautiful!

gaymian: jksjsksk janis keeps interrupting with wisecracks to make caddy laugh and shes being sent oUT OF CLASS

caddyheron: JANIS COME BACK!!!!

apexpredator: Tell her I said no one will miss her and that she's only making things worse for herself. 

caddyheron: on it! :)) 

caddyheron: she told me to relay this important message to u

caddyheron: ,,, 

caddyheron: "screw off reginald"

gaymian: MY CHILD

gaymian: a legend of her time

troybolton: guys blease stop texting in class,,

caddyheron: blease

gaymian: blease

apexpredator: blease

gretch-is-fetch: blease

troybolton has left the chat

caddyheron: AARON NO

why-its-janis: surprise, bitch

why-its-janis: i bet you thought youd seen the last of me

why-its-janis: oh aaron left oof

caddyheron: JANIS WHY ARE YOU ON YOUR PHONE WHEN YOUVE ALREADY GOTTEN IN TROUBLE TWICE TODAY

gaymian: caddy instantly goes into mom mode

why-its-janis: caddy its fine!!

caddyheron: will ur stepdad think its fine when he gets a call on his work phone abt his rebellious stepdaughter for the third time that week??

gretch-is-fetch: CADY HSHSJH

apexpredator: Janis is finally quiet! It's a miracle! 

caddyheron: wait did i go too far??

gaymian: its fine she probably just got her phone confiscated by a hall  
monitor or smth

caddyheron: janis im sorryyy

why-its-janis: its fine caddy

apexpredator: SHE LIVES 

why-its-janis: you're right anyway. putting my phone up now-- see you guys in detention ;) 

apexpredator: We love you Janis, you funky little lesbian.

gaymian: SOFT REGINA IS ALIVE AND THRIVING

gaymian: THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

caddyheron: you got a week's detention this morning for something you didnt do and this is the best day of your life???

gaymian: YES

caddyheron: youre all stupid and gay smh

apexpredator: True. Except for me. 

gaymian: REGINALD ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT YOURE STRAIGHT

apexpredator: WAIT NO

apexpredator: I meant I'm not stupid!!!

caddyheron: you heard it here first, folks! regina george is a heterosexual!!! 

gretch-is-fetch: I CAME AS SOON AS I HEARD 

apexpredator: One day, when the Last Reckoning is upon us and the Rapture is nigh, you will all be sucked into the numbing depths of existential solitary, where you will spend Eternity meticulously contemplating every wrong decision you ever made in life, trying relentlessly to figure out just where you went wrong. And one day, after years of wondering laboriously, painstakingly, I will appear to you. And I will say, "It's because you called me straight!". And as your soul deteriorates into its last shred of existence, that last tiny part of consciousness in you will regret ever accusing me of being a hetero. Good luck, judgement day will come sooner than you think. 

gaymian: write a book

caddyheron: HHSHSJSH MRS NORBURY JUST ASKED ME TO SHARE WHAT I WAS LOOKING AT ON MY PHONE AND I READ REGINAS TEXT AND NOW THE ROOM IS DEAD SILENT WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO JSHSJSHJJSHSJ

gaymian: IM ACTUALLY CRYING OF LAUGHTER

gretch-is-fetch: THIS IS GLORIOUS

apexpredator: I just have that effect on the masses, I suppose.

\--

the void, 4:37 p.m. 

 

why-its-janis: does anyone have gum??

gaymian: JANIS WE'RE IN DETENTION

caddyheron: she keeps life interesting

caddyheron: but sometimes,,,

caddyheron: she makes me mad

why-its-janis: THANKS CADDY

why-its-janis: crap caps lock was on 

gaymian: ha

apexpredator: All the manic energy of this chat has been sucked out by the perils of detention and honestly? It's so depressing.

why-its-janis: maybe if we quote vines the manic energy will return!!

gaymian: JNAIS NO,,,

caddyheron: JNAIS

apexpredator: JNAIS

gretch-is-fetch: JNAIS

why-its-janis: JNAIS

gaymian: THIS IS HOMOPHOBIA

karen-the-sexy-mouse: how can you "quote" a vine??? its a plant??

gaymian: why did she feel the need to put the word "quote" in quotes

why-its-janis: damian...,,, sweetie,,,,

why-its-janis: you just did the same thing

gaymian: HHHHSJBSK

caddyheron: ok but does karen not know what vines are??!! 

apexpredator: ^^ We're ignoring the REAL tragedy of today. Someone send a vine compilation!! 

why-its-janis: https://youtu.be/FZQE_aGJPoc

caddyheron: what i still dont get is why people are like "vines that butter my eggroll" like?? who puts BUTTER on an EGGROLL

caddyheron: have you people ever even HAD AUTHENTIC CHINESE CUISINE 

why-its-janis: caddy you are SO valid

apexpredator: It's a figure of speech, you incompetent edgelords.

gaymian: rt @ caddy 

caddyheron: i feel god in this chillis  
tonight 

gretch-is-fetch: HSBJSHS THE OFFICE

caddyheron: GRETCHEN YOU WATCH THE OFFICE?!!! 

gretch-is-fetch: HSHHJHH YES??!??

why-its-janis: a union of souls

gaymian: the detention instructor just took reginas phone yall

caddyheron: we know we literally saw it

caddyheron: damian we're sitting right beside you

gaymian: hello yes 911 i would like to report a very Rude redhead

caddyheron: >:O !!!!

why-its-janis: DAMIAN RUN

caddyheron: HOW D A R E YOU, SIR

caddyheron: I AM A GINGER FOR YOUR INFORMATION 

why-its-janis: oh my god,,,

\--

the void, 10:41 p.m.

 

why-its-janis: love being Yelled At by my stepdad for something i Didnt Do

caddyheron: <3 :(

caddyheron: is your mom still on business?? 

why-its-janis: yep

caddyheron: sneak out and come over!! i have crappy rom-coms and ice cream! 

gaymian: caddy encouraging rule-breaking to help her friends is true Chaotic Good

apexpredator: More like Chaotic Stupid. Janis, don't risk getting into more trouble.

gaymian: if you TELL her not to do something, reginald, shes Going To Do It

apexpredator: I forgot!! I'm sorry! 

why-its-janis: its just how im wired,,,,

why-its-janis: alright carrot top im heading over keep ur window unlocked

apexpredator: She's going to fall and break her neck, Cady. 

apexpredator: This is on YOU.

gaymian: ... "carrot top"???

caddyheron: HJSHSJHS

gaymian: janis dont fall!!!! 

why-its-janis: i wont chill out???

caddyheron: i can literally hear her combat boots on the fricking road rn im not even exaggerating??! 

apexpredator: Oh dear.

caddyheron: HSJHSJ JANIS

gaymian: wh a t

caddyheron: I JUST HEARD A MUFFLED THUD AND THEN A STRING OF CURSE WORDS 

apexpredator: She... she fell on the pavement, didn't she?

why-its-janis: FRICK YOU REGJNA

apexpredator: It's too late at night for this.

apexpredator: Goodnight, peasants.

gaymian: bye reginald we love you!!!

apexpredator: Also, I've been meaning to mention this-- call me Reginald again and I'll rip out your vocal chords.

caddyheron: <3 we love u too


	7. The Wildest Chapter So Far, Lads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> buckle ur seatbelts kids

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for reading this mess??? aaaa

the void, 5:03 a.m. 

 

caddyheron has added why-its-janis to the chat

caddyheron has added gaymian to the chat

why-its-janis: ITS GOOD TO BE HOME

apexpredator: No,,,

apexpredator: NO!!!

why-its-janis: <333

gaymian: yall theres a HUGE FROG ON MY WALL AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO???!!! 

caddyheron: THATS A LOTTA DAMAGE

why-its-janis: is he inside your home?

gaymian: ....yeah??

why-its-janis: eradicate him.

why-its-janis: frogs are conniving and shan't be trusted. rid your home of his filthy presence before its Too Late

caddyheron: JANIS WHAT

gaymian: I DONT KNOW HOW TO REMOVE HIM FROM THE WALL???

gretch-is-fetch: USE FLEX TAPE!!! 

caddyheron: HHHHSHSJ

why-its-janis: flex tape, while powerful, does not posses the Strength needed to rid your living space of this Foul Beast

apexpredator: It is a Monday. It is 5 a.m. If this isn't enough information to let you all know that you need to SHUT IT, please leave the chat. You aren't welcome here anymore.

gaymian: SOFT REGINA IS DEAD

gaymian: frogonwall.jpg

why-its-janis: A MONSTER

caddyheron: janis who hurt u

why-its-janis: EVERYONE

gaymian: .......Dang

apexpredator has left the chat

caddyheron: REGINALD NOOO

why-its-janis: thank God,,,

caddyheron has added apexpredator to the chat

apexpredator: I'm going to die young because of all of you. I hope having that on your conscience makes you happy. 

why-its-janis: What is love?  
Baby don't hurt me  
Don't hurt me  
No more  
Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me  
No more  
What is love?  
Yeah  
I don't know why you're not fair  
I give you my love, but you don't care  
So what is right and what is wrong?  
Gimme a sign

apexpredator has removed why-its-janis from the chat

gaymian: REGINA NO

caddyheron: ???!! 

apexpredator: She was warned, and what did she do? 

caddyheron: THIS IS BLASPHEMY,,,

apexpredator: Cady. I'm going to add her back, calm down.

caddyheron has added why-its-janis to the chat

why-its-janis: GSHSHSH REGINA WHY 

gaymian: THE FROG JUST JUMPED OFF THE WALL AND IS NOW ON THE FLOOR I NEED ASSISTANCE SOMEONEHSGSH

gretch-is-fetch: damian??!!!

apexpredator: The frog killed him. 

apexpredator: Go back to sleep, everyone. Show's over.

why-its-janis: DAMIAN NOOO

caddyheron: ??!! did it really kill him

apexpredator has muted the chat

gretch-is-fetch has muted the chat

caddyheron: YALL?!!!! 

why-its-janis: DAMIAN

caddyheron: DAMIAN

why-its-janis: DAMIAN 

apexpredator has blocked why-its-janis and caddyheron

caddyheron: ,,,FRICK!

gaymian: IM ALIVE DONT WORRY

gaymian: the frog jumped onto my head and i finally managed to get it outside. it was terrifying...,,, 

why-its-janis: reginald blocked me and caddy :( 

gaymian: Incredible. Now go to sleep.

caddyheron: but now that im awake i cant sleep??!!!!!! 

gaymian has muted the chat

karen-the-sexy-mouse: HEY GUYS!! 

caddyheron: KARENNNNN

why-its-janis: THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE??? 

karen-the-sexy-mouse has muted the chat

why-its-janis: KAREN NO!!??!!

caddyheron: all around me are familiar faces,,, 

\--

the void, 6:34 a.m.

 

why-its-janis: A W A K E N

apexpredator has unmuted the chat

apexpredator has unblocked why-its-janis and caddyheron

apexpredator: Janis, please tell me you didn't stay up all night.

gretch-is-fetch has unmuted the chat

gaymian has unmuted the chat

karen-the-sexy-mouse has unmuted the chat

why-its-janis: a consistent sleep schedule??? dont know her

gaymian: janis!!! you need to sleep!!

why-its-janis: I'm SORRY Damian, okay?!

apexpredator: Is this bich Coming For My Brand??? 

caddyheron: no,, janis just types like that when she's Serious abt something

caddyheron: janis its okay,,, also we have a test in first period english today

why-its-janis: wait Seriously

gaymian: ,,,yeah :(

why-its-janis: Oh God

apexpredator: Janis, if you need to stay home you can just swing by my place and stay there for the day. I'm sure my mom won't mind; she'll be at work from 7 to 4 and you can get some sleep in and make up the test tomorrow. 

gaymian: REGINA IS AN ANGEL???

caddyheron: local blonde offers up her home to tired angst child-- what happens next will shock you!! 

gretch-is-fetch: WOW MY CROPS ARE REPLENISHED?? THIS IS SO SOFT

why-its-janis: wait is this a prank

why-its-janis: AM I BEING PUNKED

apexpredator: No, I swear! If you need a ride over I can pick you up. 

gaymian: THIS IS BEAUTIFUL???

why-its-janis: okay?!! thank you sm??!!!!

apexpredator: Alright, on my way now. You can sleep in the car, too. Don't do this again, okay?

caddyheron: god im crying in the club,,,

gaymian: SOFT REGINA IS BEST REGINA

why-its-janis: thank you so much holy heck,,, 

apexpredator: Janis. I said Don't Do This Again. Got it?

why-its-janis: yes yes yes got it

gaymian: I LOVE REGINALD WHAT A QUEEN

apexpredator: Damian, I'm driving. While I appreciate the praise, shut up.

\--

the void, 7:01 a.m.

 

apexpredator: spacegaysleeping.jpg

caddyheron: AWWW REGINA

gaymian: regina seriously thank you sm for doing this wow?? we stan???!

apexpredator: It's what friends do, and as much as it pains me to say it at times, Janis is my friend. I want her to be safe and happy. 

caddyheron: SCREENSHOTTED

gaymian: SCREENSHOTTED

gretch-is-fetch: SCREENSHOTTED

apex-predator: Oh, please. It's not that groundbreaking. 

caddyheron: UM IT IS ACTUAKLLY

gaymian: ACTUAKLLY

gretch-is-fetch: ACTUAKLLY

apexpredator: ACTUAKLLY

caddyheron: this is biphobic??! this is biphobia?!!!!! 

gaymian: hush child im studying for our english test

caddyheron: OH FRIC K,,,

apexpredator: Guys. Something really weird just happened...

gaymian: ???

apexpredator: I just pulled into school and this teacher (I'm assuming?) got out of his car and pulled this long black bag out of his trunk.. like a human-sized bag??

gaymian: HHHSJSJ WHAT

apexpredator: I'm walking really fast into school and I'm gonna tell the lady at the front desk about it. When he got the bag out, he started heading towards the dumpsters on the side of the main building. I guess he thought because he's here late, no other students would be in the parking lot... Idiot. 

caddyheron: HHSHSJKSK

gaymian: JANIS IS GONNA BE SO MAD SHE MISSED THIS,,

apexpredator: Mr. Duvall's heading out to check out the scene. They're keeping me in the office. 

gaymian: OH MY GOD,,

apexpredator: GUYS

apexpredator: PRINCIPAL DUVALL JUST CAME BACK IN AND SAID THE GUY THEY FOUND ISN'T A TEACHER HERE.

caddyheron: HHSHSJSH?!!

apexpredator: AND THAT HE GOT AWAY.

gaymian: HOLY HECK

gretch-is-fetch: HHHSHSFJS

apexpredator: They're putting the school on lockdown. 

caddyheron: jesus christ,, 

gaymian: someone summon janis

apexpredator: Guys, no, she needs to sleep.

caddyheron: JANIS I LOVE YOU

why-its-janis: what

gretch-is-fetch: screenshotted

why-its-janis: wait whats going on

gaymian: SCROLL UP HSHSJ

caddyheron: HSHJSHSJSN

apexpredator: Janis, go back to sleep. 

why-its-janis: HOLY CRAP

caddyheron: i know!!

why-its-janis: HOLY C R A P?!!???!

caddyheron: i KNOW??!! 

apexpredator: JANIS

apexpredator: GO BACK TO SLEEP

why-its-janis: regina im taking your moms car up to school

gaymian: EVERYTHING ABOUT TODAY IS WILD,,????

caddyheron: janis NO

apexpredator: For once, I agree with Cady. STAY HOME.

why-its-janis: i am NOT leaving my precious friends at school

caddyheron: janis seriously its fine we're in good hands & chances are the guy left anyway

apexpredator: School's on lockdown as of three seconds ago. You couldn't even get in if you tried, Jan.

why-its-janis: CRAP

apexpredator: Just go back to sleep. We'll text you when the day is over and we're all home safe, alright?

why-its-janis: fin e,,,

why-its-janis: but im Not Gonna Be Happy About It

caddyheron: <333

gaymian: <333

gretch-is-fetch: <333

karen-the-sexy-mouse: <444

caddyheron: karen wha t

apexpredator: <333

why-its-janis: wow so much lov??!

why-its-janis: i feel god in this chillis tonight

apexpredator: GO TO SLEEP


	8. The Plot Thickens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hmmm

the void, 5:37 p.m.

 

apexpredator: Hey Janis, the county police just located the guy I saw this morning. We're off lockdown and heading home now, all of us are fine. Cady and Gretchen are sleeping over at my place, and you're welcome to as well if you want. 

why-its-janis: HSHSJS THANK GOD

why-its-janis: & id love to stay over thank you!!!?? 

caddyheron: all is right in the world,,

gaymian: i STILL cant believe janis missed the Wildest Day At School Ever

why-its-janis: im still mad that i wasnt there with you guys,,, 

gretch-is-fetch: inreginascar.jpg

gaymian: YALL ARE ALL SO CUTE???

apexpredator: Shut up, I am DRIVING.

gaymian: soft regina is..... gone???

caddyheron: nah she just gets Anxious when she's driving and her phone goes off

gretch-is-fetch: can confirm soft regina is Alive and Thriving

gretch-is-fetch: she wont stop talking abt how she's worried janis didnt get enough sleep 

why-its-janis: awww reginald <33

why-its-janis: i prolly didnt tho ngl i was #panicking abt you guys being at school

gaymian: "prolly" 

caddyheron: reginald, seconds after we read her your text: "JANIS SARKISIAN SLEEP IS ESSENTIAL FOR THE HUMAN BODY TO FUNCTION PROPERLY, IT IS A STAPLE OF YOUR EXISTENCE AND YOU CAN NOT DO THIS TO US AGAIN BECAUSE WE CARE ABOUT YOU AND YOU'RE GOING TO END UP DYING ALONE BECAUSE ALL OF US GOT SICK OF YOU BACK ON YOUR NO SLEEP BS HONESTLY CHOKE"

gaymian: IM LAUGHING SO HARD

why-its-janis: hello 911 yes id like to report a murder

gaymian: GO OFF REGINA 

caddyheron: oh my God yall she Shed a Tear

why-its-janis: REGINA HSHSJSJK IM FINE,,?!! 

gretch-is-fetch: she says screw off

gaymian: Oh My God,,, ANGST IN THIS HOLY CHAT?? NOT WELCOME

caddyheron: reginaldflippingusoff.mov

gaymian: she Mad,,,

gaymian: JANIS RUN

why-its-janis: guys blease tell her im sorry,,,

gaymian: BLEASE

gaymian: I SPIT OUT MY DRINK HJSH

caddyheron: she says she'll forgive u if you finally play truth or dare with us when we get to the house 

gaymian: oh my god,,,,

why-its-janis: HHHH

why-its-janis: TRUTH OR DARE IS DISGUSTEN

gaymian: "disgusten" 

gaymian: im going into cardiac arrest??!

caddyheron: janis who hurt u

caddyheron: its only a game it'll be Fine,,

why-its-janis: when i was 11 i was playing truth or dare with reginald and gretch and karen and i got dared to kiss one of them and i pretended to pass out so i didnt have to 

gaymian: GJSHSJSBKSHSJKSBBKK

caddyheron: JANIS YOU KILLED DAMIAN??

caddyheron: also WHAT HSHSJH

gretch-is-fetch: OH MY GOD I REMEMBER THAT???

gretch-is-fetch: wait youre saying you didnt ACTUALLY pass out??!!!

gaymian: oh my god JANIS ,,, 

caddyheron: we told reginald and SHES LAUGHING SO HARD

gretch-is-fetch: reginadying.mov

gaymian: REGINA OH MY GOD?? 

why-its-janis: but anyway i mean I Guess I'll Play truth or dare with you guys

caddyheron: YEETO

gaymian: ....cady what???

gretch-is-fetch: i am confusion?

caddyheron: its like "neato" but with yeets!! 

why-its-janis: i have never been So Disappointed in you in My Entire Life

gretch-is-fetch: i cant believe cady forced me to see that with my own two eyes

gaymian: CADDY IS A LEGEND

why-its-janis: DAMIAN DONT ENCOURAGE HER,,,

apexpredator: We're here bich!!!

why-its-janis: ok im unlocking the door

caddyheron: agayreunion.mov

gaymian: OH MY GOD SO SOFT??!!

gaymian: janis why did you feel the need to tackle ALL of them

why-its-janis: shut up i am Having A Moment

apexpredator: She loves us <333

caddyheron: IM CRYIGN JANIS ILYSM

gaymian: wow i have The Softest Friends Ever??! 

apexpredator: janisandcadyhugging.mov

gaymian: MY BABIES HJSHSJSH

gretch-is-fetch: damian is the gay dad of the group and honestly?? i love it

why-its-janis: DAMIAN PICK UP KAREN AND COME OVER!!! 

caddyheron: truth or dare Begins,,,

gaymian: i cANT IM HAVING DINNER WITH THE FAM BUT BLEASE KEEP ME UPDATED

gretch-is-fetch: "the fam" cady just SNORTED

apexpredator: I thought WE were your fam, Damian. I'm crushed. 

gaymian: WAIT IM SORRY,,,

apexpredator: Janis is crying! 

caddyheron: janislaughing.mov

gaymian: reginald LIED TO ME??

gaymian: blease everyone jsut,,,

gaymian: keep me updated on The Game

why-its-janis: EVERY TIME YOU SAY BLEASE CADY LITERALLY STARTS CHOKING!!?!?! IS SHE OK HJSJSB

caddyheron: im never ok,,,

gretch-is-fetch: cady stop!! 

apexpredator: *Sad Kazoo Music*

why-its-janis: regina wha t

caddyheron: *emo laugh track*

why-its-janis: damian come back,,,

caddyheron: *cries in algebra*

why-its-janis: SAVE ME,,, 

caddyheron: JUST GIVE IT UP JANIS

apexpredator: THIS IS WHERE YOURE MEANT TO BE

gretch-is-fetch: HERES WHERE YOU BELONG~

why-its-janis: Can I Abort My Friends From My Life

caddyheron: absolutely Not

\--

the void, 7:32 p.m.

 

apexpredator: Damian, this was Beautiful and I Must Share It Immediately! 

gaymian: HHSHSJB WHAT

why-its-janis: regina...,,,,

apexpredator: Janis, I'm sorry.

caddyheron: no shes not

caddyheron: reginald Dont Tell Him

gaymian: wait this is a janis AND a cady story??! incredible blease do tell

apexpredator: Guys, I'm serious. This needs to be shared! 

why-its-janis: NO IT DOES NOT!!??!!?!

why-its-janis: wJAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

gaymian: soft janis is dead & edgy janis is having an Actual Stroke

gaymian: REGINALD TELL ME 

caddyheron: NO REGINA ,,,

why-its-janis has left the chat

gaymian: HJSHHSHS OH MY GOD??!!!?!

caddyheron: see what you did!!

apexpredator: I feel no remorse. 

apexpredator: Okay, maybe a little.

apexpredator: ANYWAY BACK TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING,,

caddyheron: REGINA NO??! 

apexpredator: Let me set the scene for you-- Cady, Janis, Gretchen and I are in my room, sitting on my carpet. We're in the middle of our Truth or Dare game and so far, Gretchen has climbed two trees, Cady has prank called Aaron pretending to be a college scout with a voice modifier, Janis has serenaded me and eaten three spoonfuls of mustard, and finally it's Cady's turn again; she chooses Dare and I dare her to pick someone in the group to kiss (it's a classic!) and she's like "Alright, Janis" because that's who she's closest to obviously and Janis just,,, goes completely limp and keels over and at this point Gretch is laughing because we all think she's pulling the same stunt she did when she was 11, right? But no, she's ACTUALLY PASSED OUT, and so now Cady and Gretch are running frantically around the house trying to find something to wake her up with, but then my phone goes off (my ringtone is every heathers song playing at the same time) and she just SHOOTS AWAKE

gaymian: OH MY GOD,,

gaymian: ?!!?! WILD ??!?

apexpredator: cadyfinallykissesjanis.mov

gaymian: HKSHSJHHHJSHSJ

caddyheron: crap

gaymian: CADY IS SO TIMID AND CUTE AND JANIS IS JUST LOSING IT ??!! MY CHILDREN,,,

apexpredator has added why-its-janis to the chat

why-its-janis: is it over

gaymian: JANIS JSHSJSHSJJJJ

why-its-janis: Dear God,,,

caddyheron: was it that bad?? 

why-its-janis: HHJSHS CADDY WHAT

\--

why-its-janis >> caddyheron

 

why-its-janis: it wasnt bad?? it was fine did i say something that made you feel crappy ghshsj 

caddyheron: oh,,.. idk it just seemed like it really embarrassed you?? im probably being stupid

why-its-janis: nonono caddy, seriously it was great actually its just that damian always takes everything Super Far, THATS what embarrassed me seriously please dont worry about it

caddyheron: ohhh ok good <3

caddyheron: wait it was GREAT??! 

why-its-janis: um,,,

why-its-janis: i mean i know you dont like me in that way but i mean yeah?? i really really like you and im sorry if that makes things weird or anything oh god,,

caddyheron: HHSHSJB WAIT SERIOUSLY?!?! 

why-its-janis: oh man are you creeped out?? caddy im really sorry,,,

caddyheron: JANIS !!! SARKISIAN

caddyheron: I LITERALLY FEEL THE SAME WAY,??!!?! 

why-its-janis: E X C U S E

caddyheron: UM I LIKE YOU TOO??!?

why-its-janis: IM GOING INTO CARDIAC ARREST WHAT IS HAPPENING JSHSJK

caddyheron: UMM BE GAY WITH ME??? BE MY GIRLFRIEND ??!?!!! 

why-its-janis: OH MY GOD OKAY!!!?!!!!! AAAAAAAAA

caddyheron: <333 !!!!!!

why-its-janis: <333 !!!!!!

\--

the void, 8:01 p.m.

 

caddyheron: ME AND JANIS ARE DATING BITCHES

gaymian: JESUS CHRIST,,,?!?!!!

apexpredator: HOLY SHIT

apexpredator: My devious scheme WORKED?!! 

gretch-is-fetch: SCREENSHOTTED x25 

why-its-janis: can confirm caddy is off the market

why-its-janis: go home aaron

apexpredator: This is Glorious. My crops are replenished, my grades are soaring, my skin is Even More Clear! 

gaymian: reginald thats a dead meme

caddyheron: crying tears of joy rn

gaymian: This is The Best Day

why-its-janis: wow??? im so gay??! 

caddyheron: I MEAN IM BI BUT SAME??!!?!!!! 

apexpredator: Screenshotted. 

gaymian: GOD I LOVE EVERYONE IN THIS CHAT SM,,, 

caddyheron: it is PRIME Soft Hours yall

why-its-janis: """yall"""

apexpredator: girlfriends.jpg

gaymian: THEYRE ALL I NEED IN LIFE???! reginald pls take Care Of Them

apexpredator has added troybolton to the chat

troybolton: PLEASE NO

apexpredator: Scroll up.

gaymian: The Moment Of Truth

troybolton: CADY AND JANIS I LOVE YOU GUYS??! 

why-its-janis: OH MY GOD,,,


	9. Fugitive Girlfriends On The Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> reginald Had It Coming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3 updates a day will probably be my regular schedule bc it works for me so i hope thats ok with those of you who are into this fic?? 
> 
> thank u for all the support I Am Highly Blessed <333

the void, 5:01 a.m.

 

why-its-janis: HI IM GAY AND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND !!!

troybolton: janis its 5 am 

why-its-janis: oh worm?? it IS ??!! 

gaymian: JANIS BLEASE GO TO SLEEP

why-its-janis: i wont sleep until obama is back in the oval office

caddyheron: janis i love you and thats a Whole Mood but GO TO SLEEP I BEG OF YOU,,,

caddyheron: ITS SO EARLY

why-its-janis: caddy!!!! <333

gaymian: janis is like a 7 year old sometimes and honestly its so exhausting?? send help

troybolton: we need regina for this

why-its-janis: i want swedish fish

why-its-janis: who wants to go to the nearest gas station with me and get swedish fish

caddyheron: JANIS,,,

apexpredator: Janis Sarkisian. Go to sleep RIGHT NOW or I will NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN.

why-its-janis: reginald i really cant sleep!!! 

caddyheron: will you go to sleep if i come over and watch the office with you?? 

why-its-janis: i mean ily so i would say yes but i mean i dont want our relationship 2 be built on a foundation of lies,, so prolly not

why-its-janis: this is Seriously something i Can Not Help

gaymian: she's telling the truth,,, although i wish she wouldnt text us every morning at 5

troybolton: regina do something

troybolton: this is your field of expertise

gaymian: helping janis?? ?

troybolton: no, scaring people enough to make them do what she says

gretch-is-fetch: a Truly Good Concept: what damian said But Also what aaron said

caddyheron: HJSHSJHSJ

apexpredator: Thank you, Aaron.

apexpredator: Janis.

why-its-janis: yees? 

gaymian: "yees"

apexpredator: If you don't try to go to sleep within the next five seconds, I will literally drag you away from Cady anytime I see you near her for A Whole Week. That means no Cady. If you don't go to sleep right now, I'm revoking your Cady privileges. 

why-its-janis: GOODNIGHT EVERYONE

gaymian: HJSHSJSH,,, 

\--

the void, 6:43 a.m.

 

caddyheron: HI IM BI AND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND !!! 

gaymian: history repeats itself,,,

why-its-janis: IM CRYING IN THE CLUB??? god i love life

apexpredator: Janis, did you go to sleep?

gaymian: The Moment Of Truth 2.0

why-its-janis: I COULDNT BUT I TRIED TO!!! 

caddyheron: oh honey,,,,

why-its-janis: IM FREAKING SORRY

troybolton: im laughing So Hard

apexpredator: Cady, say goodbye for a week.

gretch-is-fetch: *sad kazoo music*

gaymian: REGINALD NO,,, LEG THEM LIVE

gretch-is-fetch: "LEG THEM LIVE" DAMIAN IM CHOKING,,,

gaymian: WAIT NO??!?!!!

troybolton: *zach and cody sitcom laugh track* 

gaymian: L E T T H E M L I V E 

caddyheron: ^^^^HARD RT REGINALD BLEASE,,

apexpredator: Well, I was willing to let it slide until Cady said the word "blease". Now I'm sure as hell going to follow through.

why-its-janis: NO?????!!!!!!

apexpredator: Yes. 

why-its-janis: joke's on u REGINALD bc IM driving to caddys house righT NOW and bsjsjjsjklkkhhh

apexpredator: What the hell?! Janis???

gaymian: UMMM ???!!!! JANIS 

caddyheron: nope nope noPE OK IM CALLIGN HER HANG ON

gretch-is-fetch: ??!?!!!!?!!

troybolton: THIS IS WHY YOU DONT TEXT AND DRIVE

why-its-janis: GUYS I DROPPED MY PHONE IM FINE ITS FINE

apexpredator: Oh, thank God

gaymian: JJHJSHSJS JESUS CHRIST JANIS

gretch-is-fetch: I ALMOST HAD A HEART ATTACK

caddyheron: JANIS SARKISIAN PUT DOWN YOUR PHONE WHEN YOURE IN THE CAR DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DANGEROUS IT IS FOR YOU TO TEXT AND DRIVE YOU SCARED ME SO BAD WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU

gaymian: hard rt ily janis but Seriously That Was Terrifying

why-its-janis: IM SO SORRY,,,!!!!! 

gaymian: since ive been in this chat ive really realized that janis is the one out of all of us that gets in accidents often (e.g. falling when climbing through caddy's window, falling down the stairs, the whole mrs. blackstone debacle, passing out before caddy kissed her) & so we all just Adapted to her wild ass lifestyle and we all just Expect Her To Get Hurt

apexpredator: He's right. Janis, you suck. I was scared shitless. And Reginald George does Not Get Scared! 

gretch-is-fetch: "REGINALD GEORGE"

apexpredator: WAIT NO??!!!!!!

apexpredator: THAT WAS AUTOCORRECT

apexpredator: H E C K

caddyheron: galpals.jpg

gaymian: janis and cady holding hands is my aesthetic

apexpredator: Janis not Dying in a car crash is my aesthetic.

caddyheron: RETWEET

gretch-is-fetch: RETWEET

gaymian: RETWEET

troybolton: RETWEET

why-its-janis: wow thanks 

gaymian: I COULD HEAR THE SARCASM THROUGH MY PHONE SCREEN?!!!?

caddyheron: janis ily

apexpredator: YOU TWO ARE RIGHT BESIDE EACH OTHER JUST TALK TO EACH OTHER I'M BEGGING YOU!!!

why-its-janis: lyt <333

apexpredator: Can I Abort All My Friends From My Life

why-its-janis: thats My Line but go off i guess,,, 

\--

the void, 10:32 a.m.

 

gaymian: guess who just got detention after school today

caddyheron: DAMIAN HUBBARD

caddyheron: EXPLAIN

gaymian: i was trying to get this wad of paper into the trash can but im a "cant throw" type of gay and the paper ball hit mr. jones in the face

gaymian: and mr. jones Hates My Guts so even after i apologized profusely and explained that it was a joke,, he still gave me detention 

caddyheron: oh no damian :(( im sorry

apexpredator: At least you're not in Janis' position. I've pulled her away from Cady five times already and it's only second block. 

why-its-janis: hey caddy what class are you in currently?? <3

caddyheron: umm,,, calculus II? why??

why-its-janis: ask for the bathroom pass

gaymian: WHAT IS SHE PLANNING??! 

apexpredator: Janis, this is the group chat. 

why-its-janis: CRAP CRAP CRAP

gretch-is-fetch: guys i just saw janis running down the hall??? ? 

gretch-is-fetch: whatisshedoing.mov

gaymian: oh my god whats happening

troybolton: im in calculus II with cady and she just asked norbury for the hall pass and left?? 

apexpredator: Aaron, scroll up.

apexpredator: I know what they're doing.

apexpredator: And I'm going to put a stop to it! 

gaymian: HHH REGINA NO,,, 

gretch-is-fetch: YALL REGINALD JUST RAN DOWN THE HALL AFTER CADY AND JANIS???!!! 

gretch-is-fetch: i asked for a hall pass to get a better view and janis and cady are STILL RUNNING,,

gaymian: WHY AM I NEVER HERE FOR THESE THINGS 

troybolton: im trying so hard not to laugh,, 

why-its-janis: NICE TRY REGINALD YOULL NEVER TAKE US ALIVEJSHSJS

gretch-is-fetch: reginatacklesjanis.mov

gaymian: RUN CADY RUN

caddyheron: HHHSJSJSK

gretch-is-fetch: ohthedrama.mov

gaymian: IM WATCHING THIS WITH HEADPHONES IN THEATER AND I CANT BREATHE ??!!! 

gaymian: regina, struggling to hold janis down: THIS IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD

janis: this is for YOUR own good, BITCH! *kicks regina in the face* 

cady, looking mortified: guys we're in a hallway GUYS WE'RE AT SCHOOL RIGHT NOW

gaymian: ITS SO BEAUTIFUL,,, 

troybolton: HHHH MRS NORBURY SAW ME WATCHING THE VIDEO AND WAS LIKE "AARON WHY DONT YOU SHARE WITH THE CLASS" AND SHE PUT IT UP ON THE SMARTBOARD AND PLAYED IT IN FRONT OF EVERYONE AND NOW KIDS ARE RUNNING OUT INTO THE HALLWAY

gretch-is-fetch: CAN CONFIRM MY VIEW IS OBSTRUCTED BY THE MASSES!!?

gretch-is-fetch: childreneverywhere.mov

gaymian: cady, muffled over screaming kids: GUYS WE ARE IN SCHOOL RIGHT NOW BLEASE STOP

gaymian: this child SAID "BLEASE" OUT LOUD,,,

apexpredator: WHY ARE THERE PEOPLE EVERYWHERE HHHSHSJNKS

troybolton: SCROLL UP

gaymian: WHY IS EVERYONE YELLING

gretch-is-fetch: FOR EMPHASIS!!!!!!!!!

apexpredator: HHSJSHJSKN

gretch-is-fetch: janisemergesvictorious.mov

gaymian: ARE JANIS AND CADY RUNNING AGAIN?!!!

gretch-is-fetch: HHSHSJ YES,,,

gaymian: fugitive girlfriends run from a disapproving city-- what happens next will warm your heart!!

caddyheron: bibibi.jpg

gaymian: I LOVE THEM BUT THEYRE GOING TO GET IN SO MUCH TROUBLE??!!!

why-its-janis: it was worth it yall

gretch-is-fetch: yall

troybolton: yall

gaymian: yall

apexpredator: You suck, Janis.

caddyheron: yall 

caddyheron: <333 see u in detention damian

gaymian: INCREDIBLE!!! 

\--

the void, 2:38 p.m.

 

apexpredator: Janis, if you ever kick me like that again, I will Stop Being Your Friend.

why-its-janis: YOU GAVE ME A BLACK EYE CALM DOWN

gaymian: im sorry WHAT

apexpredator: Wait, I did?!! 

caddyheron: HHHSHSJGSJ

gaymian: cady immediately has a heart attack

why-its-janis: (emo music plays in background) yes,, and it HURTS 

apexpredator: .....I was going to apologize but that message just.........

troybolton: same regina


	10. Damian Hubbard Vores Air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is a pretty wild chapter,, janis being delirious when she's tired is inspired by my Really Good Pal who sleeps over and genuinely has no idea whats going on when she wakes up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on tumblr (@typical-art-dork) for updates whenever i post a new chapter?? if u want??? <3

the void, 4:35 p.m.

 

gaymian: YALL THE DETENTION INSTRUCTOR JUST WALKED IN, TOOK ONE LOOK AROUND,, AND L E F T

apexpredator: A whole ass mood. 

troybolton: so you guys are just in there alone??? 

gaymian: YES ITS JUST ME, CADDY, AND JANIS JHSJSH

troybolton: wait what about regina?? i would think she wouldve gotten detention too???

apexpredator: Nope, got off scott-free. 

troybolton: ??? h o w

apexpredator: Never question a hot magician's secrets.

caddyheron: janisinaspinnychair.jpg

apexpredator: She's so cute??! 

gaymian: HHHH SOFT REGINA RETURNS

caddyheron: back off my woman reginald

troybolton: JJSHSJGSH

gaymian: cady and janis are both in the spinny chair and im spinning them at Maximum Velocity

gretch-is-fetch: VIDEO VIDEO VIDEO

gaymian: cadyscreaming.mov

apexpredator: I CAN'T BELIEVE DAMIAN JUST STOOD AND WATCHED AS THE CHAIR CAREENED INTO THE FREAKING WINDOW??? 

gaymian: lol theyre fine

gaymian: nvm cady just threw up into the trash bin

gretch-is-fetch: ???!!!!! DAMIAN

why-its-janis: you suck damian

gaymian: shes Not Wrong....

troybolton: IM LAUGHING SO HARD,,,

gaymian: gsjshjs now janis is just sitting on the floor w cady in her lap and theyre both Glaring At Me its Petrifying but also Adorable???!

apexpredator: You deserve that.

gaymian: spacegays.jpg

gretch-is-fetch: MY SOUL HAS BEEN CLEANSED 

apexpredator: Wow my wig??? Is on a world tour rn???? 

caddyheron: <333

why-its-janis: wow im gay??? 

apexpredator: She really Is Coming For My Brand...

gaymian: HJSHHHHHKSBSK 

gaymian: GUYS I JUST WENT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM AND THE DOOR TO THE CLASSROOM WE'RE IN IS LOCKED FROM THE OUTSIDE ?!!???!!!!!

apexpredator: Jesus Christ...

caddyheron: im sorry LOCKED ??!!!

why-its-janis: S H I T 

caddyheron: damianopeningthewindow.mov

caddyheron: we're yeeting out of this bitch!!! 

apexpredator: ABSOLUTE LEGENDS

apexpredator: DO NOT FALL

caddyheron: damianjumpingoutwindow.mov

why-its-janis: him jump!!

caddyheron: meyeetingoutthewindow.mov

apexpredator: JANIS LOOKS SO CONCERNED IN THE BACKGROUND

gaymian: localemoyeetsoutawindow.mov

gretch-is-fetch: OH MY GOD GUYS,,,

troybolton: now THIS is the kind of content i like to see! 

apexpredator: Do you guys want me to pick you up? I have enough gas and we can stop and get ice cream on the way to my place.

gretch-is-fetch: REGINA COMES THROUGH!!!

gaymian: THAT WOULD BE MARVELOUS HONEY <333

apexpredator: Alright, on my way! Please keep Janis and Cady out of trouble. Maybe just hang out behind the school and not in the parking lot. Given Janis' track record with accidents lately, you want to be extra safe here. I'll text you guys when I get there. <3

caddyheron: I LOVE ONE (1) WOMAN

why-its-janis: caddy!! >:( 

caddyheron: TWO WOMEN I LOVE TWO WOMEN <333

troybolton: oh, polyamory?? 

gaymian: CADDY JUST CHOKED ON AIR

apexpredator: Can you idiots pipe down? I'm DRIVING! 

gaymian: sorry reggie

gretch-is-fetch: R E G G I E

gretch-is-fetch: DAMIAN ILYSM

gaymian: thanks i improvised!! <3

caddyheron: guys stop texting here reggies driving!! 

apexpredator: I'm here biotches!!! 

why-its-janis: GOD BLESS

caddyheron: THANK U REGINALD WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH

apexpredator: Love you guys, too.

apexpredator: Now get in my freaking car, we're getting Dairy Queen.

gretch-is-fetch: this is honestly The Purest Content?? w o w

troybolton: send pictures!! 

gaymian: galpalsinthebackseat.jpg

troybolton: IS JANIS' HEAD ON CADY'S SHOULDER??!

gaymian: JSKSK YES its so wholesome,,

gretch-is-fetch: every night i thank god for cady and janis,,,

gaymian: oh BIG MOOD

gaymian: WE'RE ROLLING UP TO DAIRY QUEEN HSHGSHS

apexpredator: What do you hoes want?

gaymian: can i get a uhhhhhh

troybolton: IM DYING

gaymian: cookie dough blizzard?? 

caddyheron: can i have an orange julius?? :) and janis wants a summer berry sundae! 

why-its-janis: a summer berry sundae for moi

why-its-janis: AWW CADDY YOU ALREADY KNEW <3

caddyheron: ofc <333 

gaymian: THIS IS SO SOFT,,,

apexpredator: Sounds good, guys! 

gaymian: REGINA SERIOUSLY THANK YOU SO MUCH??? 

apexpredator: No problem!! 

caddyheron: holy FRICK

caddyheron: yum.jpg

troybolton: janis looks more excited 2 be sitting next to cady than getting her sundae tbh

gretch-is-fetch: AARON HHHSHSJ

why-its-janis: he right tho

caddyheron: <3333 JANIS

apexpredator: I'm vomiting. 

\--

the void, 7:23 p.m. 

 

caddyheron: im tutoring jan in math and its..... An Experience

caddyheron: sleepdeprivedchild.mov

gaymian: HHHSHSJN JANIS 

gaymian: cady- so you take the asymptote and--

janis, deliriously- can you PLEASE tell damian that im not gay

cady- im sorry,, w h a t 

janis- im a fockingh LESBIAN

gaymian: IS SHE OKAY

caddyheron: yea she's just Super Tired

caddyheron: so now its less of tutoring and more of janis sleeping with her head on my shoulder so i Cant Move Without Waking Her

caddyheron: in other words, im stuck at janis' house for the night- pray for me

gaymian: YES OH MY GOD,,,

apexpredator: Good luck, Cady. Her house is terrifying at night. The floors creak constantly and her stepdad is always walking aimlessly around the house because of his restless leg syndrome keeping him awake. 

caddyheron: jesu s ccHriST

gaymian: cady???! 

gretch-is-fetch: wow i cant believe cady just died

caddyheron: THIS CAT JUST CAME  
OUT OF NOWHERE AND,,, JUMPED ON MY FACE??!?! its sOLID BLACK SO I DIDNT KNOW WHAT IS WAS AT FIRST HSHJJK

apexpredator: Wait, Ebony is still alive?

apexpredator: Dang. 

gaymian: PRAY FOR CADDY 2K18

caddyheron: JKJSJSJ JANIS JUST GRABBED MY HAND IN HER SLEEP WOW IM GAY??? 

gaymian: i thought u were bi??

caddyheron: WAIT NO

apexpredator: After All These Years..... it Finally Happened.

gretch-is-fetch: SCREENSHOTTED!!!

apexpredator: Yes, Gretchen!!

caddyheron: JKSHJSHSHJ YALL IT JUST SOUNDED LIKE GLASS SHATTERED???!

gaymian: is janis awake??

caddyheron: NO??! AND HER STEPDAD HIGHKEY TERRIFIES ME AND IM NOT SUPPOSED TO EVEN BE OVER HERE HHHSBJSN

apexpredator: Cady, just wake Janis up, alright? She'll understand.

caddyheron: FINE!! BUT I WONT BE HAPPY ABOOT IT >:( 

gaymian: shes not happy aboot it

caddyheron: SHUT!! up

apexpredator: Everyone tag yourselves as things Cady's said in this chat. I'm "SHUT!! up".

gaymian: im "we're yeeting out of this bitch!!!" 

troybolton: im "jesu s ccHriST"

gretch-is-fetch: "yeeto!! its like "neato" but with yeets!" 

gaymian: that message has Such a Cursed Energy,,, 

caddyheron: janis is Awake but shes Confused,,,

apexpredator: When Janis wakes up from a depression nap she's usually baffled by like Everything Around Her for at least three minutes. It's kinda funny.

gaymian: one time she woke up at my house at 3:02 am and picked up a paintbrush, looked at it like it was a completely foreign object, and asked me where the gas pump for her car was

caddyheron: lol wha t???

caddyheron: janisbeingcute.mov

gaymian: HSJSBJS

gaymian: janis, looking at cady like she has No Idea Who She Is- are you the lady from the burger place???

i love this so much,,

apexpredator: GUYS. She means WENDY'S!!

troybolton: OH MY GOD

caddyheron: SAVE M E,,,

why-its-janis: STOP INSULTING ME LIKE THIS I WAS STILL SLIGHTLY DELIRIOUS

gaymian: I CANT VREATHE

caddyheron: is that a fancy new term for voring air or did you just make a typo??

why-its-janis: HHSHHSBSJ

apexpredator: I'm sorry, V O R I N G  
A I R ???!!!

gaymian: caddy still isnt completely..... Accustomed... to our slang 

caddyheron: wait did i say something wrong??! 

why-its-janis: i love you SO MUCH

caddyheron: GUYS WHAT DID I DO

gretch-is-fetch: "VORING AIR"

gretch-is-fetch: DAMIAN HUBBARD VORES AIR EVERYONE

troybolton: im laying in bed in Full Darkness sobbing with laughter

caddyheron: GUYS THIS ISNT FUNNY ANYMORE WHAT DID I SAY WRONG

why-its-janis: if u kiss me ill tell you 

caddyheron: YES OKAY <333

gaymian: I LOVE THEM??!!! THEYRE BEAUTIFUL??!!??! 

apexpredator: Oh, VOMIT.


	11. Thrill-Seeking Gays Ditch School For Pie Shop-- What Happens Next Will Shock You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the Angst Train has left the station,,
> 
> oof
> 
> **also there are mentions of homophobia and verbal abuse in this chapter, it's very mild and it's a secondhand description. there aren't any slurs or anything like that, but i don't want to subject any of you to anything that could make you uncomfortable**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tag yourself im karen in every moment of this chapter

the void, 4:21 a.m.

why-its-janis: BLAZE IT

apexpredator: 1) You're an entire MINUTE late. 2) Why the hell are you still awake? 3) WHY THE HELL ARE YOU STILL AWAKE?! 

why-its-janis: sadness™️

apexpredator: Oh.

apexpredator: Do you need to talk about it? You don't have to, but... 

why-its-janis: nonono gina its ok,, dont want to keep you up

apexpredator: Janis. 

apexpredator: Message me on private?

why-its-janis: ...m'kay

\--

apexpredator >> why-its-janis

apexpredator: What's going on?

why-its-janis: its gonna sound stupid,,,

apexpredator: Janis, I promise I'm not going to make fun of you. I care about you and if you're up this late because you're feeling upset I want to be able to help you, or at least understand why. If Cady, Damian, or anyone else were awake I promise you they would want the same. 

why-its-janis: shit 

apexpredator: What?

why-its-janis: just started crying

apexpredator: Jan, what's wrong??

why-its-janis: gina my stepdad is really homophobic

why-its-janis: and my mom has been out on business constantly because of her new job so she's never home to stop him

apexpredator: Stop him?!! Janis, what?!!!

why-its-janis: nonono its nothing too bad i just meant he yells at me a lot about being gay and everything

apexpredator: Janis if he's doing this a lot...

why-its-janis: the reason i was so upset tonight is because he threw a vase at me and hes never gotten physical before, its always just been verbal but now im just scared and i dont want to make cady or damian freak out because i know if i told them they would

apexpredator: Come stay with me tonight, I'll pick you up. Your stepdad doesn't need to know.

why-its-janis: wait really??

apexpredator: Yes, really. I'm not leaving you alone in that house with him. Pack a bag with clothes and painting stuff if you want. Bring your school stuff, too.

why-its-janis: regina thank you so much

apexpredator: Hey, shh, it's no problem. I'll be there in 25 minutes.

why-its-janis: thank you so so much

apexpredator: We love you. I love you.

apexpredator: Be there in 25. 

\--

the void, 6:36 a.m.

 

caddyheron: JANIS IM SO SORRY I WASNT UP WHATS WRONG <333

gaymian: ^^ are you okay love??

why-its-janis: yea, im good now

caddyheron: promise????

why-its-janis: promise lol

apexpredator: Jan and I talked things out, she's fine now. She's gonna be staying at my place for awhile because she needs the extra space to work on this really big art project for her AP art class. 

caddyheron: OOOH COOL!!!

karen-the-sexy-mouse: guys how many kiloliters are in a mile?? my math test is today and i dont wanna fail! 

caddyheron: i....,,,

why-its-janis: karen..... oh honey,,,,

troybolton: someone help her

troybolton: blease

gaymian: AARON HSHSHSJKKL

caddyheron: guys are we still on for movie night tonite??

apexpredator: Oh, absolutely.

gaymian: my house this time??

why-its-janis: YES YES YES

troybolton: im excited now i completely forgot abt movie night jshsgsl

troybolton: what are we gonna watch

gaymian: OOF CAN WE WATCH IT AGAIN

caddyheron: watch what again??

why-its-janis: he means IT

caddyheron: wha t ?? ?

gretch-is-fetch: IT, the movie

caddyheron: IM SO CONFUSED???!!

troybolton: CADY HSHHSH

troybolton: there's a movie called "IT", that's what they're talking abt lol

caddyheron: oh!! thanks aaron

caddyheron: yall im still NEW TO CERTAIN THINGS please BE CONSIDERATE

why-its-janis: sorry babe <3 

caddyheron: forgiven <333

apexpredator: I Can Not Believe I almost wrecked my car With Janis in it because you all were blowing up my phone about the IT MOVIE. 

caddyheron: KSHSJHSJDKDHSGS

gaymian: same, caddy

why-its-janis: reginald just put your phone on silent??? 

apexpredator: Too much work. Do it for me.

why-its-janis: umm no it takes One Second??

apexpredator: Janis Sarkisian, I am keeping you in my HOME. The LEAST you can do is put my phone on silent while I'm driving. 

caddyheron: she right

why-its-janis: >:( fine but i Wont Be Happy Aboot It

caddyheron: I CANT BELIEVE YOUVE DONE THIS

gaymian: JANIS JKDJSKSH

why-its-janis: reggies phone is on silent TALK AWAY YOU FROCKING FRICKS

gaymian: "frocking fricks" 

why-its-janis: ???!!!! WAIT NO

caddyheron: there are a lot of things u cant take back janis,,, 

caddyheron: ....like vore jokes......,,

gaymian: CADDY USED TO BE INNOCENT

gretch-is-fetch: i still can Not believe that happened,, 

apexpredator: Space gay and I just rolled up to the prison gates, where are you guys?

gaymian: "space gay" 

caddyheron: "the prison gates"

gaymian: me and caddy are in the cafeteria eating breakfast,, third booth on the right

why-its-janis: on our way hjsbsj

caddyheron: whenever jan keyboard smashes i never know if shes just being relatable™️ or if shes like Gotten Hurt, yall know what i mean??

gaymian: SAME ITS SO WORRYING

why-its-janis: hahaha

caddyheron: ??!! janis its Not Funny!!

why-its-janis: hsgjshsjjJjhsjHSHSJSHSKNN

apexpredator: She's fine guys, she's messing with you.

caddyheron: JESUS

gaymian: OOF REGINALD WE SEE YOU 

apexpredator: Okay, we're heading over now.

caddyheron: wow my gf looks so Cute??? im bi???!

gaymian: she Remembered,,,

gretch-is-fetch: cady is The Only Bi i know that constantly reminds us shes not gay and i think when she accidentally said that shes gay yesterday it Legitimately Traumatized Her

caddyheron: ok true

gaymian: thefantasticfour.jpg

troybolton: wow theyre amazing???

gretch-is-fetch: !!!!! yall is our chem final today

apexpredator: Oh no... yes, I think so. And I forgot to study.

gretch-is-fetch: HHH SAME

troybolton: WAIT THE CHEM FINAL IS TODAY?!!?!

caddyheron: oh no,,,

caddyheron: OH NO HSJSHSH

why-its-janis: C R A P 

gaymian: oh dear GOD ,,,,,,

why-its-janis: GUYS GUYS ITS OK 

caddyheron: HOW is it OKAY,, JANIS??!!!!?!

apexpredator: Cady is a big mood this morning....

why-its-janis: WE CAN JUST SKIP,??? WE HAVENT EVEN GONE TO FIRST PERIOD YET & REGINALDS CAR SEATS LIKE 8 PEOPLE!!!!

apexpredator: She's... God this is painful to say..... guys she's Right.

troybolton: so then we'll have the weekend to study too bc its a FRIDAY

why-its-janis: TROY GETS IT

troybolton has changed their name to aaron

caddyheron: YES YES YES HSGSJSB

caddyheron: JANIS I LOVE YOU SO MUCH 

gaymian: WAIT CAN WE ACTUALLY

why-its-janis: YES we just gotta yeet outta here at Maximum Velocity if we wanna get past any Suspecting Teachers

apexpredator: Guys, meet me, Janis, Cady, and Damian in the parking lot beside my car ASAP. It's bright pink, easy to spot. I'll drive. 

gaymian: i live for soft regina tbh,,,

gretch-is-fetch: this Whole Morning has been a Rollercoaster

gretch-is-fetch: WAIT GUYS

gretch-is-fetch: WE NEED TO SAVE KAREN FROM HER MATH FINAL TOO

gaymian: OH TRUE IM GONNA GO GET HER

gaymian: shes by the front of the cafeteria hold up

apexpredator: damiansaveskaren.mov

caddyheron: karens look of Utter Confusion as damian just Drags Her Over To Us is something i will never forget,,,

gretch-is-fetch: me and aaron are by reginalds car

apexpredator: Good, we're almost there.

 

caddyheron: im actually so excited to be doing this it just makes me feel sobsjsgsjjjjHjjbsbjsnHHJ

gretch-is-fetch: CADY??!!!

apexpredator: Teacher spotted us, running to car now. I unlocked it.

gaymian: someONE GET BEHIND THE FREAKING WHEEL HSJSHS

aaron: OK OK IM DRIVING

gretch-is-fetch: WE CAN SEE YOU GUYS FROM HERE AND CADY LOOKS LIKE HER SOUL LEFT HER BODY

caddyheron: open t h e dOOR OPEN THEDOOR GRETCHE N

gretch-is-fetch: DOORS ON ALL SIDES ARE OPEN GET IN AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE

gaymian: WE'rE LIKE A FOOT AWAY FROMTHE CA R

aaron: oh my god Oh my GOD DID THE TEACHER JUST GO BACK INTO SCHOOL AND COME BACK OUT WITH M O R E TEACHER S?!!!

caddyheron: JSHJSHSJ YES???!!!

apexpredator: Cady and Janis, get in first-- I'm right behind you.

aaron: OK OK IS EVERYONE IN

gaymian: YES FLOOR IT HSJHSJSB

gretch-is-fetch: MY HEART ALMOST STOPPED WHEN I SAW HIM COME BACK OUT OF SCHOOL,,, je SUS

gaymian: highkey same,,,, 

caddyheron: im not gonna lie that was Exhilarating

why-its-janis: i mean it was kinda fun,, like im ok with the Logic of being chased by a mob of teachers but actually being In The Situation made it scary

apexpredator: This bich actually just said she's okay with the Logic of being Chased By A Mob of Teachers???? 

gaymian: im laughing so hard janis what the heck

caddyheron: janis and i are thrill-seekers

gaymian: ok true

\--

apexpredator >> why-its-janis

 

apexpredator: How are you holding up?

why-its-janis: now that im with you guys i feel a lot better... thank you again for everything and thanks for covering for me this morning 

apexpredator: It's no problem. You know you don't have to tell them right now, but if I were in their position I would want you to tell me eventually. I get that this is hard for you, but Cady is your girlfriend and Damian is practically your platonic soulmate, and they deserve to know at some point. Everyone else in the chat loves and cares about you, too, and if you never want to tell them that's okay, but just know that we're a safe space for you, okay? 

why-its-janis: god regina thank you so much for being so understanding

why-its-janis: im gonna tell caddy and damian at some point, its just hard to talk about right now. i know this is gonna sound lame but youve known me the longest and youve known my stepdad the longest and i just feel like you kind of Get It because of that?? like i love cady and damian and everyone else to death but it was just easier to tell you first

apexpredator: I get it, it's okay. Just remember that we love you and we would never let anything bad happen to you, okay? 

\--

the void, 7:01 a.m.

 

caddyheron: janis why are you crying??? <333

why-its-janis: jshsjjsh what

caddyheron: it looked like you were crying just now?? 

apexpredator: Oh, you guys don't know this but when Janis was really young she developed this weird allergy that crops up sometimes. It makes her eyes water like crazy. 

caddyheron: ohhh okay,, thx for telling us reginald 

apexpredator: Call me that One More Time and I'll slit your throat.

gaymian: HHSJSBSJBKK

aaron: yall,, where does everyone want to go? 

gaymian: yall

why-its-janis: yall

caddyheron: yall 

gretch-is-fetch: yall

karen-the-sexy-mouse: yall

apexpredator: Y'all

aaron: blease just Stop

aaron: WHERE DO YOU HOOLIGANS WANT TO GO

why-its-janis: THE PIE SHOP ON 32ND STREET

caddyheron: wow my girlfriend has the BEST IDEAS THIS MORNING???!!!

apexpredator: I HIGHLY AGREE, PIE SHOP!

gaymian: YES YES YES 

gretch-is-fetch: PIE SHOP

caddyheron: PIE SHOP

gaymian: PIE SHOP

why-its-janis: PIE SHOP

apexpredator: PIE SHOP

karen-the-sexy-mouse: PIE SHOP

aaron: HSHSGSH OK YES!!!! 

caddyheron: wow this is The Best Day

caddyheron: im with my squad,, we're ditching school to get PIES at the Best Pie Shop In The World,,, in reginalds freaking PINK CAR,,,, these are PRIME Soft Hours

gaymian: i HIGHLY agree,,, 

why-its-janis: wow i Love Yall So Much

aaron: WERE ROLLING UP TO THE PIE SHOP PIPE DOWN YOU NERDS

why-its-janis: IM YEETING OUT OF THIS CA R 

gaymian: HSHHSH I CANT BELIEVE JANIS C L I M B E D OVER REGINA JUST TO GET OUT OF THE CAR FIRST

gretch-is-fetch: AN ICON??? WE STAN

caddyheron: JANIS I LOVE YOU????

apexpredator: I can't believe I'm letting all of you Take My Car to the pie shop but I STILL have to withstand this BLATANT ABUSE!!

why-its-janis: IM SORRY GINA ILY <333

gaymian: every time janis and regina use each others childhood nicknames i gain 10 years on my life

apexpredator: lyt jan <33

caddyheron: umm BACK OFF REGINALD???!!!! 

aaron: GJSHSJSB GUYS GET OUT OF THE CAR SO WE CAN GO IN AND GET PIE

caddyheron: how many pies are we getting???

karen-the-sexy-mouse: eleventeen!!!

gaymian: she Sets The Bar High...,,,,

aaron: it is a REALLY good thing we got karen out of school before she could take her math test

why-its-janis: TRUE

why-its-janis has changed aaron's name to troybolton

troybolton: this is heterophobia,,,!

caddyheron: HHSBSJ GET HIM OUT

gaymian: IM SOBBING OF LAUGHTER

apexpredator: Damian can't even vore air anymore because he's laughing so hard.

why-its-janis: HHHSJSGHS R E G I N A


	12. No Rest For The Sick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the title is a michael scott quote
> 
> thats all i really need to say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all in all a Pretty Wild Chapter
> 
> writing janis' part for this was actually Difficult because i had to keyboard smash enough to make it realistic but i still had to make sure the words were like,, Recognizable 
> 
> yall get what im sayin??  
> next chapter is gonna be regina-centric Get Ready Yall

the void, 11:36 a.m.

 

caddyheron: GUYS IM WITH JANIS AND SHES PAINTING AND SHE LOOKS SO PRETTY AND I DONT WANNA DISTRACT HER BUT SHES SO CUTE ???!!!

apexpredator: I'm weak for Cady and Janis' relationship ngl...

gaymian: CADDY SEND A PICTURE

gaymian: painting janis is best janis

caddyheron: beautifulangelchild.jpg

gaymian: MY WIG IS ON A WORLD TOUR

gaymian: tell her I Love Her

caddyheron: SHE JUST SPILLED AN ENTIRE CAN OF PAINT ON HERSELF JSHSJSHSHH

caddyheron: disasterlesbian.mov

apexpredator: THE LOOK ON HER FACE AS SHE REALIZES WHAT SHE'S DONE IS PRICELESS

troybolton: finally,, justice

gaymian: AARON SHSJHSJL WHO HURT YOU

troybolton: everyone

caddyheron: HSHSHSHHSH JANIS JUST HUGGED ME AND NOW IM COVERED IN PAINT SHSGBBBNMLKKKK

gaymian: HOLD UP IM YEETING OVER TO THE ART ROOM TO SEE THIS WITH MY OWN EYES

caddyheron: weareruined.jpg

apexpredator: JANIS IS CHAOTIC EVIL

why-its-janis: LIFE is chaotic evil, regina

gaymian: HSHSGGHJK

gaymian: YALL I WALK INTO THE ART ROOM AND ITS EMPTY EXCEPT FOR CADDY AND JANIS AND THEYRE JUST,, MAKING OUT???!!!! MY INNOCENT CHILDREN?!?!!!!! G O N E !!??!?!!!

apexpredator: Damian, did you honestly believe their entire relationship was just cuddling and holding hands??

gaymian: up until Now? YES!!!!!

apexpredator: I can't breathe, this is so funny oh my God,,,,,

apexpredator: DAMIAN THIS IS JANIS WE'RE TALKING ABOUT

caddyheron: GUYS SHUT UPBSHSJS

apexpredator: Did Cady die?

gaymian: NO,, WORSE

apexpredator: "worse"

troybolton: *emma watson voice* SHE WAS EXPELLED

gaymian: janis just puSHED HER UP AGAINST AN EASEL???!??!!! AN ART EASEL?!!!!!

apexpredator: WOW I'M GAY

gaymian: R E G I N A !!!!!!!!!

gaymian: im Leaving i cant take anymore of this,,,...

apexpredator: Cady and Janis?? Y'all are legends.

why-its-janis: YALL

caddyheron: YALL

troybolton: YALL

\--

the void, 2:31 p.m.

 

caddyheron: GGHSHSHGG GUYS

apexpredator: What???

gaymian: ME AND CADDY AND JANIS WERE JUST CHILLIN IN STUDY HALL,, EVERYTHINGS GOOD,,, THINGS ARE FINE,,

caddyheron: AND THEN THIS KID COMES B A R R E L L I N G DOWN THE HALLWAY 

gaymian: WE WERE AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS BY THE WAY

caddyheron: YES,,,, AND THIS KID JUST S L A M S INTO JANIS AND SHE FALLS DOWN HALF A FLIGHT OF STAIRS AND ME AND DAMIAN ARE FLIPPING OUR SHIT AND SO IS THE KID AND JANIS FREAKING B R O K E H E R A R M

apexpredator: Are you shitting me right now??!

caddyheron: NO I WISH I WAS JSHSHHS

troybolton: JESUS CHRIST

caddyheron: BUT WE CANT TELL THE OFFICE BC WE WERENT SUPPOSED TO BE OUT BY THE STAIRS ANYWAY DURING STUDY HALL AND JANIS IS ON HER LAST OFFENSE SO WE'RE JUST GONNA SKIP AND GO TO THE HOSPITAL JSHSJJ REGINALD CAN YOU PLEASE DRIVE US

apexpredator: YES OF COURSE

apexpredator: I'll be in the parking lot in 5 mins. I'll drive. How is Janis taking it?

gaymian: UMMM 

caddyheron: SHES CRYING A LOT AND WE DONT KNOW WHAT THE HELL TO DO THIS ISNT WHAT WE HAD PLANNED FOR TODAY REGGIE

apexpredator: Shit.

apexpredator: DO NOT MOVE HER ARM. It'll hurt like hell if you do, be super careful with her.

caddyheron: WE ARE HDHSHB

gaymian: gretch and aaron just ran out into the hallway we're in, they wanna come too

apexpredator: That's fine. Just don't mess with Janis' arm At All.

apexpredator: I'm in the car now. Pulling out into the pick-up lane so it's easier for everyone to get in. Get Janis in first.

caddyheron: ok,, thank you sm reginald

gaymian: i see the holy spirit approach, bathed in golden light riding atop a bright pink chariot

why-its-janis: whot the fock

caddyheron: JNSHS JANIS GET OFF YOUR FREAKING PHONE??!!!!

apexpredator: I shouldn't be laughing...

apexpredator: But I am.

\--

the void, 3:46 p.m.

 

apexpredator: Janis has a cast now. I told them to make it neon pink, and they did. It's a glorious day for lipstick lesbians everywhere.

why-its-janis: bones: reset

why-its-janis: pain medicasuon: acquired

why-its-janis: refilalds car: almots bavked into a tree 

why-its-janis: we are forcibly remobed from northshore local hosdpital 

caddyheron: shes on a lot of pain meds,,, 

apexpredator: The REASON I ALMOST BACKED US INTO A TREE is because JANIS threw a freaking WATER BOTTLE AT MY HEAD

caddyheron: mobodys perfecyt yiu freakibg bicth

caddyheron: sorry abt that, janis took my phone

gaymian: God i Love Her

troybolton: everyone tag themselves as shit janis has said on the drive home im "cady i swear im just rolling down the window to make AMBIENCE" 

troybolton: "THERES NO AIR CIRCULATION IN THIS CAR"

gretch-is-fetch: im "EVERYTHING IS WRONG AARON WERE ON A FLOATING ROCK IN SPACE RIGHT NOW YOU STUPID WHORE" 

caddyheron: im "not to get introspective on your guys' asses but honestly i hate myself on so many levels like i just wish i was a dog and everything could be okay again" 

apexpredator: I'm "I NEED TO WASH MY HANDS" as Cady frantically tries to stop Janis from pouring an entire bottle of Sprite on her cast.

why-its-janis: you all thinj youre sooo funvy,,, 

why-its-janis: wellguess wjat BOTCHES

why-its-janis: i jsut OPENED A PACK OF WIPES WITTG ONE MOBILE HAND

apexpredator: Janis, please don't throw wipes at me while I'm behind the wheel.

caddyheron: janis youre really mean when youre high on pain medication

gaymian: FOR THOSE OF YALL WHO ARE STILL AT SCHOOL JANIS JUST BURST INTO TEARS IM SCREECHING???!??!!!!

caddyheron: SHIT SHIT SHIT IM SORRY WHAT THE H E C K ,,,??!!?!! JANIS IT WAS A JOKE

gretch-is-fetch: this is the saddest thing ive Ever Seen Happen

gaymian: janissobbingandcadyfreakingout.mov

karen-the-sexy-mouse: Hello, this is Principal Duvall. I have Karen's phone because it went off a total of 32 times within the last block. If you're all ready to come back to school, we'd love to have you. 

caddyheron: JESUS CHRIST??!??!!!!!!!!

gaymian: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD JSVSHHHHH?!!???

apexpredator: Lmao we going home.

troybolton: REGINA JSHSJHHH

apexpredator: Bye Mr. Duvall! 

karen-the-sexy-mouse has muted the chat

caddyheron: IM CHOKING?!!!! 

apexpredator: Is everyone okay with going back to my place? 

caddyheron: YES THANK GOD,,,

gaymian: RT

troybolton: RT

gretch-is-fetch: RT

why-its-janis: if obe of tou doesnt open a window im killign mysekf

caddyheron: J A N I S 

why-its-janis: THErRE IS 

N O

AIR CIRVULATION

IN TH I SJ

C A R !!!!!!! 

 

troybolton: someone save her

caddyheron: janis calm down we're almost home

why-its-janis: NONNONO I AM NOT GOINF HOM E

caddyheron: ??!!! 

apexpredator: Janis, she means we're going to my house, not yours.

why-its-janis: id youre tricjing me ill slit yuor Entire Throat

gaymian: HIGH JANIS SCARES ME SO MUCH

troybolton: i honestly am petrified rn shes scary on the daily but In This State??? im Truly Afraid

caddyheron: shut up aaron thats my gf youre talking about

caddyheron: & shes practically delirious rn cut her some slack

why-its-janis: wjot???

why-its-janis: wjat is slaxk and why woukd they cut it?? 

why-its-janis: WJY IS TGE KEYBOARD BLURRYJJSVSB

caddyheron: just put your phone down and go to sleep, ok?? <3

why-its-janis: pkease open a windiw

apexpredator: No.


	13. #Norvall Confirmed???

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ive been at film camp all week so soRRY FOR NOT UPDATING OOF
> 
> i genuinely hope this suffices i know its not That Good but uhhh
> 
> im sorry im very tired but tysm for all the kudos and sweet comments i LIVE off your validation!!

the void, 3:02 a.m.

 

apexpredator: Guess who's still up writing her English Essay? 

apexpredator: NOT ME. SCREW THIS.

why-its-janis: IM IN REGINAS ROOM AND SHE JUST SLAMMED HER LAPTOP SHUT AND FLIPPED HER CHAIR,,, 

gaymian: guys GO TO SLEEP??!!!

why-its-janis: cant, ive made it my personal mission to help reginald with her essay

why-its-janis: regina seriously i can write it for you,,,

apexpredator: It's fine Jan, I'm just frustrated with myself I guess. I'm not as smart or witty as you, and I can't write to save my life.

why-its-janis: hey, shut up, youre smart!! why dont you go get a glass of water from the kitchen & then we can finish this thing

apexpredator: Ok.. Thanks, Janis.

why-its-janis: no problemo

why-its-janis: future regina, im locking the door and doing your essay for you. you need to rest. you can sleep in the guest bedroom. dont worry about me, i stay up all the time

apedpredator: WAIT WHAT

apexpredator: JANIS OPEN THE DOOR

why-its-janis: a simple thank you would suffice

apexpredator: HHSHSJSBSJBNK

why-its-janis: screenshotted

why-its-janis: now GO TO SLEEP

apexpredator: Fine. But I'm making you sleep in the car on the way to school, you little shit.

why-its-janis: yeah, yeah

why-its-janis: thank me when your final grade turns into an A+ 

apexpredator: Love ya.

why-its-janis: night, gina

gaymian: janis are you SERIOUS

gaymian: YOURE DOING IT FOR HER??!

why-its-janis: i kinda owe her big time, so yeah

why-its-janis: now pipe down; i have an essay to write

gaymian: wait, owe her big time?? just bc shes letting you use her house space for her art? 

\--

the void, 7:21 a.m.

 

apexpredator: On the way to school now. Janis is staying home to catch up on sleep.

caddyheron: aww, i just read through last night's (this morning's?) texts; can i get a ride to regina's to be w janis??

gaymian: YES I CONDONE THIS 100%

gaymian: caddy i'll drive you; reginald where do you keep your spare house key?

apexpredator: Awesome! Spare key's in the potted plant on the right side of the front porch! 

caddyheron: YAY <333

gaymian: does the essay look good??

apexpredator: Yes!! Janis should go into journalism if her art doesn't work out for her; she's a fantastic writer! 

gaymian: we stan!!!!

caddyheron: I LOVE HER SM,,,

gaymian: meandcaddyrollingout.jpg

apexpredator: MY ACTUAL CHILDREN???!!!!

gaymian: WOW SOFT

apexpredator: GUYS GUYS GUYS, YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED

caddyheron: WOT

gretch-is-fetch: OOF IM HERE NOW WHATS OCCURRING 

troybolton: ??? spill the tea

apexpredator: I JUST PULLED INTO THE PARKING LOT AND SAW MR. DUVALL PARKING AND MRS. NORBURY WAS IN THE PASSENGER'S SEAT???!!!! HE'S DRIVING HER TO WORK??!!!!!

caddyheron: #NORVALL CONFIRMED?!?!!!! OML

gretch-is-fetch:   
S C R E E N S H O T T E D 

gaymian: weforciblyenterthegeorgehouse.mov

gretch-is-fetch: cady LOVES to pretend shes such a Pure Soft girlfriend but SHES the one that screamed "WHATS UP FUCKERS" as she slammed open the door, prolly waking janis in the process. new hit: cady

gaymian: "prolly"

gaymian: HJSHSJSBSJKK

apexpredator: CADY WHY??!!!

caddyheron: IM STILL LEARNING MY VINES! I WAS PRACTICING!!!!!! and gretchen i AM a good gf!!!!!!!

why-its-janis: just to clarify,,, yes caddy did wake me up but i laughed abt it bc i Love Her <333

caddyheron: JANIS HSGSHSVJ ILYSM

caddyheron: WHAT ROOM ARE YOU IN I WANNA KISS U NOW

why-its-janis: YES

why-its-janis: REGINAS ROOM

gaymian: goodbye children; i have a science test today so i gotta motor

gretch-is-fetch: g o t t a m o t o r

apexpredator: Does Damian is Veronica Sawyer??? 

gaymian: oof i wish

caddyheron: withbae.jpg

apexpredator: PROTECT THEM AT ALL COSTS!!! 

why-its-janis: caddymakinghearteyesatme?.jpg

apexpredator: WOW MY CHILDREN!!!

apexpredator: I'm walking into school and everyone's clustered together looking at a photo or something?? Oof,,, like there's this MASS of kids huddled around a phone. I'm gonna check it out.

caddyheron: im interested pls update!!!

apexpredator: Well, I'm going home... And maybe committing homicide.

gaymian: reginald what happened

caddyheron: ^^^

apexpredator: Somebody leaked a... revealing photo of me. A rather old one, at that. And now people are staring. Cady, Janis, you guys mind if I join you? I'm really not up for today. I'm gonna swing by my English teacher's room to drop off the essay first, hope that's okay.

caddyheron: IM GONNA KILL A BITCH

caddyheron: REGINA WE LOVE YOU AND WE'RE READY TO K I L L 

gaymian: HARD RT IM SO MAD RN??!!!

why-its-janis: Regina, I'm so sorry, that's awful. I'm always up for homicide because y'all know I'm a crazy bitch. Hit me up if you find out who did this & wanna egg their house or slash their tires or brutally murder them and frame it as a suicide.

gaymian: janis typing correctly is a Cursed concept

caddyheron: rt @ both of you^^

why-its-janis: damian its how i type when im Serious abt smth just calm down

gaymian: I CANT ITS SO UNNATURAL

gaymian: but regina seriously im ready to fight whomstever did this

apexpredator: Thanks, guys. Almost home.

caddyheron: WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH <333

why-its-janis: babe shush shes driving 

caddyheron: o heck srry reggie

\--

the void, 7:45 a.m.

 

apexpredator: agayreunion.mov

gaymian: i live for janis and caddy tackling regina to the ground with hugs,,, so pure,,,, so Wholesome

gretch-is-fetch: REGINA ILY AND IM HERE FOR YOU AND IM GONNA FIND OUT WHO DID THIS <3333

troybolton: ^^^ gretch, karen, and i are On The Case at school. asking everyone we know and also kids we dont know if they have any idea who did it. no leads yet, but we're working on it.

gaymian: gretchen, karen, and aaron are honestly The Most Iconic Trio

caddyheron: WE STAN LEGENDS

apexpredator: Thanks so much guys, it means a lot. <333

troybolton: <333

karen-the-sexy-mouse: :D i finally got my phone back from mr duvall!!!

caddyheron: KAREN 

why-its-janis: KAREN 

apexpredator: KAREN

gaymian: KAREN

troybolton: KAREN

karen-the-sexy-mouse: KAREN 

caddyheron: ??? 

caddyheron: anyw a y,,,

caddyheron: back at the geroge residence, me, janis, and reginald are eating tubs of bryers ice cream and watching an 80s movie marathon 

gaymian: "the geroge residence"

why-its-janis: CADDY YOUR TYPO HSJHSJS

apexpredator: Hi everyone, I'm Regina Geroge and I approve this message.

caddyheron: WHAT, IM NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE TYPOS,,?!!?!!! 

caddyheron: THIS FAMILY EXPECTS TOO MUCH FROM ME

gaymian: caddy 

gaymian: just,,, listen for a moment,,,,,

caddyheron: no

why-its-janis: HHHHHSJSNN

\--

 

the void, 3:32 p.m.

 

caddyheron: janisasleepinreginaslap.jpg

gaymian: WOW A BLESSED IMAGE??!!?!

troybolton: guys, we think we know who did it

troybolton: and we're turning them in tmrw

apexpredator: WHO?!

troybolton: shane oman

caddyheron: OH HES REALLY IN FOR IT

caddyheron: THAT DOUCHEBAG

apexpredator: Oh, ok. Thanks for letting me know.

troybolton: we're here for you and we're really sorry <333

apexpredator: It's fine. Thank you guys for being so supportive. I really thought Shane and I ended things on an okay note... thought we were still friends. Guess not. Cady, can you take Janis for me? I kinda wanna be alone right now.

caddyheron: yes ofc!! if you need anything let any of us know and we'll swing by. love ya regina <333

apexpredator: Love ya, Cads.

gretch-is-fetch: graffitiingshanescar.mov

gaymian: HHSJSBSJJJN GRETCHEN

apexpredator: WOW I LOVE ONE (1) WOMAN

gretch-is-fetch: VENGEANCE WILL BE OURS!!!!

troybolton: GRETCHEN ILYSM

gretch-is-fetch: i feel god in this chilis tonight

gaymian: ily guys <333

\--

gaymian >> caddyheron

 

gaymian: do you think regina might have lied about why janis is staying with her? im just getting a weird vibe,,,

caddyheron: oh,, i mean yeah, kinda, but i didnt wanna say anything. i think things are rough for janis at home so she might have just wanted to get out for a couple of days??? i dont think its like a Super Big Deal

gaymian: yeah, youre probably right.. im just worried

gaymian: janis looks sadder lately to me kind of.. like, shes happy when shes with us, but her eyes look different? like.. idk what im saying. just have a bad feeling.

caddyheron: aww damian, dont worry abt it. ill talk to her tmrw, okay?

gaymian: okay. thanks caddy <333

caddyheron: no problemo dad <333


	14. Troy Bolton Throws His OWN Revenge Party?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> these are getting shorter and shorter as my mental state decreases lol
> 
> anyway have fun kids
> 
>  
> 
> thx for all the sweet comments <333

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will be longer!!! im so sorry oof!!!

the void, 4:03 a.m.

 

why-its-janis: https://youtu.be/B1jaY136B_k

caddyheron: janis its 4 am

why-its-janis: oof really??

caddyheron: yes... 

caddyheron: text me privately

\--

caddyheron >> why-its-janis

 

caddyheron: ily and i dont wanna freak you out but damian's worried abt you

why-its-janis: wait what?? why?

caddyheron: i think he thinks youre at reginas house for a different reason than what regina said??

why-its-janis: ugh

why-its-janis: i didnt wanna have this conversation so soon but i dont want to lie to you

why-its-janis: my stepdad is abusive and my mom is never home so ginas letting me stay at her place for awhile

caddyheron: WHAT

caddyheron: IM GOING TO KILL HIM WHAT THE HELL

why-its-janis: i knew this would happen

caddyheron: wait janis,, im sorry

caddyheron: i just really love you and that really upsets me that he would hurt you

caddyheron: look, im not forcing you to talk about it but if you ever WANT to talk i am always always here for you

caddyheron: youre like my favorite person and just the thought of anyone hurting you just sends me into a tailspin

why-its-janis: i love you so much

why-its-janis: thank you for being so understanding about this

caddyheron: no need to thank me for being a decent human being

caddyheron: just remember that i love you and if you ever need to talk to me about anything im 100% here for you

caddyheron: and please try to get some rest

why-its-janis: ofc darling

why-its-janis: i love you cady <3

caddyheron: love you too babe

caddyheron: and i stg if you send One More Daniel Howell video im literally breaking up w you

why-its-janis: SHUT UP BIOTCH THEYRE TIMELESS

caddyheron: JANIS HIS FANBASE IS DEAD

why-its-janis: blocked

caddyheron: >:O

caddyheron: BABE!!?! 

why-its-janis: kiddING KIDDING 

why-its-janis: ilysm you stupid dork

caddyheron: wow im swooning 

caddyheron: lyt you disaster lesbian

caddyheron: now GO TO SLEEP

why-its-janis: FINE!!!

why-its-janis: gn caddy <333

caddyheron: night jam <333

why-its-janis: exsqueeze me?? 

caddyheron: its ur new nickname deal with it <3 

\--

the void, 6:36 a.m.

apexpredator: I just walked in on Janis in the guest room watching Lilo and Stitch surrounded by empty Mike&Ike boxes. Should I be concerned?

gaymian: yes.

why-its-janis: BITCH

caddyheron: IM LAUGHING SO HARD

caddyheron: JANIS WHY??!?!!

why-its-janis: you fricking FRICKS

apexpredator: WHEN WILL YOU LEARN

gaymian: guys please stop its not even seven am

caddyheron: THAT YOUR ACTIONS

why-its-janis: HAVE CONSEQUENCESSS

gaymian: god why am i still on this miserable planet

karen-the-sexy-mouse: to populate the earth!

gaymian: im gay karen

caddyheron: HELP I JUST SNORTED MILK OUT OF MY NOSE FROM LAUGHING AT DAMIANS TEXT AND NOW MY PARENTS THINK IM HAVING A SEIZURE

apexpredator: I love today.

\--

the void, 8:32 a.m.

 

gretch-is-fetch: shane oman just got DECKED in the main building guys

caddyheron: FRICK I JUST SAW IT HSVHSHHH

apexpredator: On my way rn!! Send a video! 

caddyheron: GUYS GUYS ITS AARON HWAT THE HEC K JSVSJSBBN

why-its-janis: W H A T

gaymian: OH MY GOD

caddyheron: AARON IS LIKE DESTROYING SHANE RIGHT NOW IM LOSING MY FREAKIN MIND JANIS AND DAMIAN GET HERE N O W 

karen-the-sexy-mouse: are cats solar powered?? why are they always trying to lie in the sun?

apexpredator: NOT NOW KAREN!!!

gretch-is-fetch: aaronbeatingupshane.mov 

gaymian: WOW IM GAY

karen-the-sexy-mouse: ARE CATS SOLAR POWERED??!?!?!!!!

apexpredator: N O T N O W !!!!!!!

caddyheron: god this is so intense

why-its-janis: DAMIAN AND I ARE HERE WHEREMST ARE YALL

caddyheron: "yall"

gaymian: THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR YALL JOKES CADDY

caddyheron: OK OK SORRY WERE NEAR MY LOCKER 

why-its-janis: fRICK WHY ARE THERE SO MANY P E O P L E

apexpredator: Because Aaron NEVER GOES OFF ON ANYONE, E V E R! 

caddyheron: holy crap guys

caddyheron: mr duvall is here

apexpredator: Shit!

gaymian: there goes aarons perfect record

karen-the-sexy-mouse: ARE CATS SOLAR POWERED

why-its-janis: NO!!! 

\--

the void, 10:32 a.m.

 

caddyheron: i still Can Not Believe they suspended him

troybolton: IT WAS FOR A GOOD CAUSE

troybolton: he screwed w regina I WAS MAD OKAY

apexpredator: WOW I LOVE ONE (1) MAN

gaymian: >:(

apexpredator: WAIT NO,,,

apexpredator: DAMIAN!!!

why-its-janis: while this is all... wildly entertaining,

why-its-janis: my mom just called in hysterics about me not being home

why-its-janis: shes sending my stepdad to get me after school today

apexpredator: Oh Hell No. 

caddyheron: NOPE NOPE NOPE

gaymian: wait im confusion

why-its-janis: my stepdad is Satan Incarnate and threw a vase at my head the last time i saw him but my mom doesnt know so shes mad at ME now

gaymian: OH HELL NO

troybolton: THIS IS NOT OKAY???!!!! SO MANY INJUSTICES IN LESS THAN 4 HOURS

caddyheron: janis please tell your mom

why-its-janis: I CANT IM JUST GONNA RUIN EVERYTHING

why-its-janis: SHE REALLY LIKES HIM UGHHH

apexpredator: She really LOVES you. 

apexpredator: And if she knew what he's been putting you through, she'd have broken things off with him a long time ago, Jan. HE'S the one ruining things. Tell her or I will.

why-its-janis: ...okay

why-its-janis: calling her now. love you guys

caddyheron: LOVE U JAM <333 

apexpredator: Thank God.

apexpredator: Love you!!! 

troybolton: ly janis <3

gaymian: I LOVE YOU!!!! IM SO SORRY 

why-its-janis: she says i can stay w gina until shes done w her business trip

why-its-janis: and shes breaking things off with my stepdad

why-its-janis: im Ecstatic rn

caddyheron: JANIS!!! <33333 WHERE ARE YOU RN I WANT TO HUG YOU

apexpredator: SAME

gaymian: DROP UR LOCATION BABE

why-its-janis: girls bathroom, main building, first floor

gaymian: gaysonthemove.jpg

why-its-janis: WOW ILY GUYS SM <333

karen-the-sexy-mouse: Why do cats lie in the sun? – Way of Cats ...the Way of Cats › blog › why-do-cats-lie...

caddyheron: jesus christ,,,


	15. Covered In Bees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tag yourself im  
> janis chucking the hair straightener at a wall

the void, 2:23 a.m.

 

why-its-janis: i like my women like i like my coffee

why-its-janis: C O V E R E D I N B E E S

gaymian: janis wha t

apexpredator: Checking on her now... what a weirdo. I'm worried. 

gretch-is-fetch: i just woke up to this and i am SO CONCERNED

troybolton: ^SAME ??!!!!

caddyheron: WHOS TEXTING ITS FREAKING 2 A.M. !!!!!!!

apexpredator: Your girlfriend.

caddyheron: shit

gaymian: REGINA IS JANIS OK

apexpredator: Surprisingly, yes. She's "up late" finishing her "freaking essay, you scumbags". She also wants you all to know that she's "done with everyone in this godforsaken group chat... except for Caddy!". Think she was joking, though.

caddyheron: awww!!!! <3

apexpredator: Gross. Anyway, I'm going to bed. Goodnight you obstinate fricks.

gaymian: regina is my queen???

why-its-janis: damian 12 months ago- lets ruin reginas life!!! >:D

damian now- MY QUEEN OMG <333 SLAY MY ACTUAL LIFE ;0

gaymian: janis is really out here,,, drAGGING ME 

caddyheron: tbh the moment i fell in love w janis was when she was beginning our Evil Plot to Destroy Reginas Life and im not proud of it

why-its-janis: HHSHSHBJKNGF

apexpredator: I'm sorry WHAT

gretch-is-fetch: CADY SHSGJSBHHHG

caddyheron: WHY IS EVERYONE AWAKE AT THIS UNGODLY HOUR?!!

why-its-janis: my bad yall

gaymian: im laughing so hard janis why do you do these things

why-its-janis: im chaotic evil you obstinate fricks

apexpredator: YOU CAN PLOT TO DESTROY MY LIFE, YOU CAN INSULT MY FASHION CHOICES,, BUT YOU CAN   
N O T STEAL MY ONE LINERS!!!

apexpredator has removed why-its-janis from the chat

caddyheron has added why-its-janis to the chat

why-its-janis has removed apexpredator from the chat

gaymian: WHAT IS HAPPENING

why-its-janis: silence, fool

caddyheron has added apexpredator to the chat

apexpredator: T R E A S O N 

gaymian: whY DOES THIS HAPPEN

caddyheron: JUST GO TO SLEEP GUYS

troybolton has muted the chat

gretch-is-fetch: oof

gretch-is-fetch has muted the chat

apexpredator: JANIS 

why-its-janis: W H A T 

apexpredator: TURN DOWN YOUR FREAKING MUSIC

caddyheron: help them,,,

gaymian: i actually Cant Vreathe,,,,

caddyheron: HHH D A M I A N

gaymian: wai t nO

gaymian: NOT A G A I N

apexpredator: janisblastingmusic.mov

apexpredator: Someone back me up on this. How can I possibly sleep with the music That loud?!!

caddyheron: THE HEATHERS CAST RECORDING OH Y E S

gaymian: verONICA, oPen tHe,, oPEN THe doOR PLE A SE, VE R O NIC A, OPEn thE dOOR,,,

apexpredator: God I hate you guys sometimes.

why-its-janis: lol

caddyheron: but for real jam u might wanna,, turn that down a bit

why-its-janis: ....

apexpredator: If she won't listen to me, she won't listen to you either.

why-its-janis: f i n e

gaymian: YOUNG LOVE PREVAILS

apexpredator: w h A T

apexpredator: glorioussilence.mov

caddyheron: amazing

caddyheron: im a wizard,,,

gaymian: SHES A WIZARD

apexpredator: Oh, shut up.

apexpredator: I'm actually going to bed now. Try not to stay up too late, losers.

caddyheron: <333 good night reginald

gaymian: GN REGINALD

why-its-janis: damian chill

gaymian: sOrrY caps lock was on,,

caddyheron: good night yall <3

why-its-janis: >:o

gaymian has muted the chat

why-its-janis: >:0

caddyheron has muted the chat

why-its-janis: >:O !!!!

why-its-janis: You chucked me out like I was trash  
For that you should be dead..  
But!  
But!  
But!  
Then it hit me like a flash  
What if high school went away instead?  
Those assholes are the key!  
They're keeping you away from me!  
They made you blind, messed up your mind  
But I can set you free!  
   
You left me and I fell apart  
I punched the wall and cried..  
Bam!  
Bam!  
Bam!  
Then I found you changed my heart and set loose all that truthful shit inside!  
And so I built a bomb  
Tonight our school is Vietnam!  
Let's guarantee they'll never see their senior prom!  
   
I was meant to be yours!  
We were meant to be one!  
Don't give up on me now!  
Finish what we've begun!  
I was meant to be yours!  
   
So when the high school gym goes BOOM with everyone inside..  
Pkhw!  
Pkhw!  
Pkhw!  
In the rubble of their tomb  
We'll plant this note explaining why they died!  
   
[J.D. & STUDENTS:]  
We, the students of Westerburg High  
Will die  
Our burnt bodies may finally get through  
To you  
Your society churns out slaves and blanks  
No thanks  
Signed the Students of Westerburg High  
'Goodbye.'  
   
[J.D.:]  
We'll watch the smoke pour out the doors  
Bring marshmallows  
We'll make s'mores!  
We can smile and cuddle while the fire roars!  
   
[J.D. & STUDENTS:]  
I was meant to be yours!  
We were meant to be one!  
I can't take it alone!  
Finish what we've begun!  
YOU WERE MEANT TO BE MINE!  
I AM ALL THAT YOU NEED!  
YOU CARVED OPEN MY HEART!  
CAN'T JUST LEAVE ME TO BLEED!  
   
Veronica, open the- open the door, please  
Veronica, open the door  
Veronica, can we not fight anymore, please  
Can we not fight anymore  
Veronica, sure, you're scared  
I've been there. I can set you free!  
Veronica, don't make me come in there!  
I'm gonna count to three!  
One!  
Two! Fuck it!  
   
[J.D.:]  
Oh my God... No! Veronica!  
Please don't leave me alone  
You were all I could trust  
I can't do this alone  
   
[JD & STUDENTS:]  
STILL I WILL IF I MUST!...  
   
[VERONICA'S MOM:]  
Veronica!  
I brought you a snack!  
Veronica?  
Aaaghhh!  
   
caddyheron has unmuted the chat

caddyheron: WHY.

why-its-janis: im sorry,,,

caddyheron has muted the chat

why-its-janis: >:OOO

\--

the void, 6:31 a.m.

 

apexpredator: Why is my phone blowing up?

why-its-janis: hmmm i dont know thats so weird???

apexpredator: JANIS

caddyheron: oh my god,,

apexpredator: SHE SENT ME

apexpredator: SH E

apexpredator: SHE SE N T

gaymian: reginald.exe has stopped working

apexpredator: SHE SENT ME THE ENTIRETY OF THE HEATHERS CAST RECORDING

apexpredator: LIKE, ALL THE LYRICS

apexpredator: ONE WORD AT A TIME

caddyheron: im,,,

gaymian: janis what is ACTUALLY wrong with you

why-its-janis: a lot

troybolton has unmuted the chat

troybolton: she sent me 7 different youtube playlists about... fish?

gaymian: is janis ok 

why-its-janis: guys GUYS

caddyheron: someone save her???

why-its-janis: I T S C H I L L

apexpredator: The one thing about this that I find even remotely funny is the fact that Janis thinks she can just say "It's chill" and honestly expect that to reassure us. 

gaymian: HARD RT

gaymian: janis why

why-its-janis has blocked gaymian

why-its-janis: I WAS DOING AN ESSAY YALL

why-its-janis: AND I WAS BORED,,

caddyheron: wait why did you BLOCK damian??! 

why-its-janis: he questioned my methods

why-its-janis has unblocked gaymian

gaymian: JANIS SARKISIAN WHEN WE BECAME FRIENDS EXACTLY THREE YEARS AGO WE MADE A SOLEMN VOW, A PACT, IF YOU WILL,,, TO NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, BLOCK EACH OTHER

caddyheron: oh shoot

gaymian: YOU HAVE VIOLATED OUR SACRED CODE

caddyheron: janis run

why-its-janis: IM SORRY?!!?!!! DAMIAN OH MY GOD IT WAS A JOKE

gaymian: SILENCE, HEATHEN

apexpredator: Top Ten Anime Betrayals

apexpredator: I can't BELIEVE this is happening???

gaymian: its chill i was kiddong

caddyheron: BSHSHDGKSJS 

troybolton: DAMIAN YOURE SUCH A LEGEND

why-its-janis: w h at,

why-its-janis: you.,,!?

apexpredator: Janis.exe has stopped working...

why-its-janis: D A M I A N H U B B A R D

gaymian: yes?

caddyheron: I CANT BREATHE,,,

caddyheron: "i was kiddong"

apexpredator: Cady can't even vore air properly right now... 

why-its-janis: DAMIAN

gaymian: wot

why-its-janis: FIGHT me

apexpredator: Janis and I are getting ready for school and I just heard a thud and then a scream?? Is she okay?

caddyheron: C H E C K ON HER THATS MY GIRLFRIEND YOU IDIOT

gaymian: oof

apexpredator: She burned her hand on her straightening iron and then proceeded to chuck it at the nearest wall. 

gaymian: me

apexpredator: She broke it. It ripped the cord out of the outlet in the wall and now the outlet is broken, too. Send help...

apexpredator: brokeneverything.jpg

caddyheron: JANIS JSNSJH

why-its-janis: I GOT MAD OKAY??!?!

why-its-janis: IT B U R N E D MY HAND I NEEDED TO THROW IT!!!

gaymian: oh honey,,,

caddyheron: janis u BROKE reginalds WALL SOCKET THINGY

gaymian: cady trying to be mad abt crap janis does but not remembering the terminology for things is so funny to me,,

caddyheron: sHut uP dAmIAn

caddyheron: you bROKE her WALL PLUG-IN DEVICE!!! 

troybolton: "wall plug-in device"

why-its-janis: im sorry!!! ill pay her back once im Rich and Famous

gaymian: me when i accidentally broke a window in the chemistry lab trying to climb out of it

caddyheron: damian WHAT

gaymian: nothing its a long story,,,

apexpredator: Janis is walking to school this morning because of her negative attitude. See you guys at breakfast! 

why-its-janis: wait W H A T

why-its-janis: REGINA OPEN THE CAR DOOR I AM NOT KIDDING

why-its-janis: R E G I N A 

caddyheron: oh no

apexpredator: Sorry Janis, I can't hear you over "Candy Store"... 

gaymian: OH MY GOD 

why-its-janis: wow im?? staying home

caddyheron: JANIS NO

why-its-janis: medestroyingreginasroom.mov

gaymian: WHAT IS HAPPENING 

why-its-janis: revenge party 2.0

caddyheron: ANGRY JANIS IS RLY HOT BUT ??? REGINALDS ROOM ??!!! IM TRULY TORN,,,

apexpredator: Wait, what's happening?

apexpredator: J A N I S S T O P ??!?!??!!!

why-its-janis: whoops ;)

troybolton: JANIS W H Y

caddyheron: im calling the cops,,,

why-its-janis: have fun at school reginald <333

apexpredator: I Hate You.


	16. Gretchen is a Pyro, Confirmed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> no northshore high school students were harmed in the writing of this chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pray for gretchen

the void, 3:34 p.m.

 

why-its-janis: GUESS WHAT BITCHES

gaymian: not this again....,,,

apexpredator: Dear God, Janis, give it a rest already!

caddyheron: ITS 

why-its-janis: TIME

gaymian: no,,,, not caddy too!!!?!?!!

caddyheron: TO 

why-its-janis: GET

caddyheron: S P O O K Y 

apexpredator: It's not even October...

troybolton: i seriously checked my phone in american gov for THIS??!!!

why-its-janis: GUYS GUYS GUYS

why-its-janis: i t s c h i l l 

apexpredator: For the LAST TIME, saying "It's chill" does NOT MAKE IT OKAYSGDVDBKKKMMMN42^%]^

gaymian: and thats how reginald george died

why-its-janis: rip reginald 2k18, died by being too much of a bitch All The Time

apexpredator: Hello, this is Mrs. Dodds. Regina has been caught on her phone in class multiple times this block, and it's because of this distracting and disruptive group chat that I've taken it upon myseld to confiscate it for the rest of the day. I hope you are all very proud of yourselves.

caddyheron: how do we know ur not REGINALD faking this???

why-its-janis: regina would NEVER make a typo... its Not Her

gaymian: "myseld"

troybolton: damian s t o p 

gaymian: WHEN YOURE A LIT COMP TEACHER BUT U CANT EVEN SPELL

apexpredator has muted the chat

caddyheron: D A M I A N 

caddyheron: ....u hurt her feelings

why-its-janis: mrs dodds DESERVES it tho tbh,,, she Rude

gaymian: in 10th grade janis got cornered by this Really Homophobic Kid and she punched him and mrs dodds gave her ISS for three weeks and called her parents 

gaymian: so we kinda have a grudge against her

caddyheron: oh EW 

caddyheron: i suddenly hate mrs dodds now??? wow

why-its-janis: yall 

gaymian: why do people buy hard cookies when.... there are soft cookies?

caddyheron: T H E C R O N C H

why-its-janis: YALL

caddyheron: W H A T

why-its-janis: so im minding my own business, skipping class to walk down the hallways and Think About Life,, and i come upon none other than MR DUVALL AND MRS NORBURY SHUTTING THE BLINDS TO HIS OFFICE,,,, AND SO I TRY TO LOOK INSIDE 

caddyheron: you W H A T

why-its-janis: I T R Y T O L O O K I N S I D E,,, AND MR DUVALL SEES ME AND I JUST,,,,, Y E E T DOWN THE HALLWAY AND IM RUNNING AS IM TYPING THIS AND I NEED ASSISTANCE 

gaymian: JANIS WHAT

why-its-janis: oh mY GOD IM IN THE JANITORS CLOSET AND I CAN H E A R DUVALL WALKING DOWN THE HALLWAY HSVSJSBSJNSNSK

caddyheron: history repeats itself.....

caddyheron: what hallway are you on im saving your ass

gaymian: WOW ICONIC

why-its-janis: tHE ONE IN THE MAIN ENTRANCE OF THE SCHOOL I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU <33333

caddyheron: okay, almost there. gnna distract him. 

gaymian: THIS IS INSANE

why-its-janis: DAMI A N CADDY JUST RUNS UP TO DUVALL AND G OE S

why-its-janis: "MR DUVALL SOMEONE SET THE SCIENCE BUILDING ON FIRE"

gaymian: C A D Y W H A T ???!!?!!?!!!

caddyheron: I PANICKED

caddyheron: ARE ANY OF YOU IN THE SCIENCE BUILDING RN?!!

gretch-is-fetch: ME!!! I CAN SET IT ON FIRE

gaymian: NO!!?!?!?!!! WHY WOULD YOU DO THA T 

caddyheron: PERFECT GET A HALL PASS

gaymian: WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT 

why-its-janis: yeetingdownthehallway.mov

caddyheron: ME AND JANIS ARE RUNNING DOWN THE HALLWAY NOW TRYING TO ROUND UP EVERYONE IN THE CHAT SO WE CAN ROLL OUT OF HERE IN REGINALDS CAR SO WE DONT GET TRACED BACK TO ANY OF THIS

apexpredator: Just got my phone back because Dodds was sick of it vibrating in her desk drawer. What's going on?

gaymian: I DONT KNOW HSJSBSJBSK

apexpredator: WAIT WHAT IS HAPPENING

apexpredator: CADY HERON WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

gaymian: ME CADY JANIS AARON AND GRETCH ARE GETTING KAREN NOW REGINA CAN YOU ASK FOR A HALL PASS AND START YOUR CAR

apexpredator: UMMM SJSHJSHS OKAY?!?!!!!

caddyheron: VROOM VROOM BITCHES

why-its-janis: i love u SO MUCH

gaymian: IM GONNA VOMIT

troybolton: HHHBSJSJJJK REGINA UNLOCK YOUR CAR FOR GODS SAKE

caddyheron: IM IN ME MUMS CAR 

why-its-janis: B R O O M B R O O M 

gaymian: I HATE YOU ALL 

apexpredator: I'M ON MY WAY NOW DO NOT ACT SUSPICIOUS 

gaymian: LITTLE LATE FOR THAT

gaymian: gretchen why is there SO MUCH FIRE WHAT DID YOU USE

gretch-is-fetch: MY DADS LIGHTER

gretch-is-fetch: alsO NO ONE IS IN THE SCIENCE BUILDING THIS BLOCK SO UM TECHNICALLY ITS NOT HURTING ANYONE????

apexpredator: WHAT. THE. HELL.

apexpredator: Everyone is skipping now... so it won't get traced back to us (probably), but still. Cady.... why? Just WHY? 

caddyheron: I DIDNT WANT JANIS TO GET IN TROUBLE IT WAS THE ONLY THING I COULD THINK OF IM SORRY 

apexpredator: Dear JESUS.

apexpredator: I just lost ten years off my LIFESPAN because of you people. 

why-its-janis: thanks caddy love u <333

caddyheron: lyt babe <333

gaymian: IS THIS ALLOWED

why-its-janis: stop

gaymian: wait.... if the science building isnt being used...... why was gretchen in there in the first place??

caddyheron: *x files theme plays*

apexpredator: ....Gretchen??

gretch-is-fetch: i was........ Doing Things

gaymian: HSVSHHSHH WHAT

gretch-is-fetch: FINE! i go there to CRY SOMETIMES ARE YOU HAPPY NOW

why-its-janis: A WHOLE MOOD

caddyheron: gretch :( <333

gaymian: F R I C K

gaymian: gretchen im sorry !!! <33

gretch-is-fetch: its chill guys its a de-stressor

apexpredator: While I'm LOVING this feels fest, we need a destination. Where do you losers wanna go?

why-its-janis: LAS VEGAS BABYYYY

gaymian: the mall! 

caddyheron: PIE SHOP

gretch-is-fetch: MALL MALL MALL

gaymian: MALL MALL MALL MALL

troybolton: home

caddyheron: OOOO MALL

why-its-janis: L A S

why-its-janis: V E G A S

apexpredator: So the mall it is.

troybolton: crap.


	17. Local Teens Meddle in Teachers' Personal Lives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **i feel like i should clarify smth about the layout of their school in this fic (itll be important in later chapters) 
> 
> so basically, i based their school off of my own in the sense that it's an "open campus", meaning there are multiple buildings that you have to walk in and out of for your different classes
> 
> (this can get interesting bc we have 5 mins in between every bell to get to class but our campus is like a college campus so we have to run between buildings sometimes,, and our elevators dont work anymore so we gotta like. Yeet up the stairs at Maximum Velocity)
> 
> anyway u get the gist of it
> 
> (also thats how the whole science building set on fire without disrupting any of the other buildings,, we have abandoned buildings on our campus that arent even used, which is basically how their science building exists on their campus lol)

the void, 9:32 p.m.

 

why-its-janis: whuts up SCUMBAGS caddys tutoring me again but im rlly #tired 

gaymian: i.... hate janis sometimes

apexpredator: Janis is at Cady's and it is SO NICE to have the house to myself! 

caddyheron: janis wont pay attention so now we're painting oof

gaymian: WOW I RESCIND MY HATE MAIL™️ IM ALWAYS A SLUT FOR CADNIS CONTENT 

caddyheron: .....anyway

caddyheron: janis'spainting.jpg

apexpredator: HOLY SHIT

gaymian: SHE PAINTED ALL OF US??!?!!! IM CRYING IN THE CLUB?!?!!!!!?!

why-its-janis: im soft for yall and you know it stop acting like its Revolutionary

apexpredator: I'M CRYING I MISS HER

caddyheron: too bad BIOTCH SHES MINE

gaymian: reel it in caddy

gaymian: reginalds crush on janis was like months ago you got nothin to worry abt

why-its-janis: WAIT W H A T

apexpredator: SHIT

apexpredator has left the chat

caddyheron: ??!?!!!!!

gaymian: AHHAHAHAHAHA KIDDINGGG

gaymian has added apexpredator to the chat

gaymian: YOU JUST GOT PRANKED

apexpredator: P R A N K E D!!!

caddyheron: im....,,,, 

why-its-janis: oh my GOD damian

why-its-janis: W H Y

gaymian: my favorite reality tv show is between seasons and i NEED MY DRAMA FIX!!

caddyheron: ok Mood,, but also STOP

why-its-janis: wouldnt it be #wild if food could feel physical pain and every time we ate it we were just like.... #killing it?? crazy world we live in am i right

gaymian: cady, please make her go to bed

apexpredator: What's worrying ME is her continual use of hashtags?? Where did this method of texting come from?

troybolton: WHY ARE YALL UP

gaymian: 1) "yall" 2) its only 9:30?? are you ok lol

troybolton: THE BIG GAME IS TOMORROW I AM NOT OKAY

troybolton has muted the chat

why-its-janis: ......bich?

caddyheron: janis go to sleep

gaymian: ok but the fact that he referred to tmrw's game as "the big game" is such a football boy thing to do 

why-its-janis: TROY COME BACK!!!!!

caddyheron: jAniS GO tO SLE e P

apexpredator: ...

apexpredator has muted the chat

caddyheron: janis if you throw paint at me again im divorcing u

why-its-janis: NO!!!!!! 

why-its-janis: FINE its chill im goimg to sleep but you are Required By Law to cuddle with me,,,

caddyheron: thank god

gaymian: "Required By Law" 

caddyheron: shut up DAMIAN we have a mcfreaking contract!! 

gretch-is-fetch: screenshotted

gretch-is-fetch: also as long as reginald has the chat muted i feel like i should clarify that she did have a crush on janis like three months ago 

gaymian: wait what

gretch-is-fetch: HECK

gretch-is-fetch: i never mEAn tO hiT sEnD,, g o d

caddyheron: WHY WOULD YOU TYPE IT IN THE FORST PLACE?!?!!!

gaymian: "forst"

caddyheron: S H U T U P D A M I A N

gretch-is-fetch: IT GIVES ME A RUSH IM SORRY,,,

why-its-janis: wots happenign bitches,,,

why-its-janis: wai t W H AT

gaymian has removed apexpredator from the chat

gaymian: everyone delete every message after the one gretch sent

caddyheron: good FREAKING idea but REGINA HAD A CRUSH ON JANIS?!?!!

gretch-is-fetch: I DIDNT MEAN TO TELL ANYONE!! BUT YES!!! 

why-its-janis: .... huh

why-its-janis: anyway

why-its-janis has added apexpredator to the chat

apexpredator: So I unmuted the chat because I was bored (being in an empty house feels weird now) and why did you guys remove me??

gaymian: it was on accident,, was trying to remove janis so she would Go The Heck To Sleep

apexpredator: Ah, okay. Janis, GO TO SLEEP!

why-its-janis: F I N E

apexpredator has muted the chat

caddyheron: JANIS STOP MOVING AND SHUT YOUR PHONE OFF DEAR GOD

caddyheron: IF U DONT GO TO SLEEP IM BREAKING UP WITH U

why-its-janis: FRICK

why-its-janis has muted the chat

gaymian: Finally~~~

caddyheron has muted the chat

gaymian: >:0

gretch-is-fetch: top 10 anime betrayals

\--

the void, 6:32 a.m.

 

caddyheron: woke up to janis dancing around my room to the new p!atd album..... help. me. 

gaymian: AWWW 

caddyheron: shedance.mov

gaymian: THE LOOK OF BETRAYAL ON HER FACE WHEN SHE REALIZES UR RECORDING HHSHHHSK

why-its-janis: this is BLATANT homophobia! 

apexpredator: I am SO glad she's not at my house right now.

why-its-janis: a r e y a SURE

gaymian: oh my god,,, J A N I S,,

apexpredator: Yes?? Why would I NOT be? 

caddyheron: shes just tired she stayed up even after i literally dragged her to bed,,, it was An Experience

why-its-janis: IM NOT EVEN REMOTELY TORED

gaymian: "tored"

why-its-janis: SHUT UP D A M I A N 

caddyheron: .......anyway

caddyheron: driving janis to school now, will meet u guys at breakfast in the cafeteria

gaymian: f a n t a s t i c ~

apexpredator: Guys... I'm in the main building and Duvall and Norbury just went into his office and locked the door??! 

gaymian: HSHSHHSHKKL

caddyheron: INVESTIGATE INVESTIGATE INVESTIGATE

apexpredator: Just knocked on his door. Heard a sound like a bunch of stuff fell off his desk or a shelf or something and then muttered curse words?? 

caddyheron: IM SO CONFUSION??!?!!! 

apexpredator: talkingtoduvall.mov

apexpredator: He's blocking any view I have into his office by standing in the doorway...

why-its-janis: o h m y g o d

gaymian: new mission: find out what the frick duvall and norbury are up to

caddyheron: theyre totally hooking up

why-its-janis: C A D Y HSHSHHHH

why-its-janis: MAYBE THEYRE RUNNING A BLACK MARKET BUSINESS TOGETHER

 

apexpredator: GUYS I JUST TRIED TO ENTER HIS OFFICE AND HE SHUT THE DOOR IN MY FACE?!?!!?!!?!!

caddyheron: OKAY WHAT THE HECK

gaymian: GUYS GUYS

gaymian: ,,, i have an Idea

caddyheron: YES YES YES

caddyheron: WHATS UR MASTER PLAN

apexpredator: Cady is way too excited about this,,,

caddyheron: IVE BEEN SHIPPING IT SINCE DAY ONE SHUT UP REGINALD

gaymian: okay, so what i say next is Completely Confidential. if anyone figures out this was us, we'll probably be expelled

gaymian has made the chat private

 


	18. The Delinquent Aesthetic ft. Sick Regina

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alternate title: mr duvall gets shut down

the void, 8:32 a.m.

 

apexpredator: Operation Norvall is a go! Is everyone in their places??

gaymian: affirmative! 

caddyheron: partnersincrime.jpg

caddyheron: jan and i are ready! 

apexpredator: And Aaron & Gretch?

troybolton: ready! 

gretch-is-fetch: can confirm, we're in the office rn

apexpredator: And you're sure you aren't visible?

troybolton: we're in the supply closet, reg, i think we're good

caddyheron: awesome!! duvall and norbury are parking rn. janis is snapping pics as we speak.

apexpredator: Alright, great! Wish I could be there for this... the flu Sucks.

gaymian: ur here in spirit reggie its chill

apexpredator: <333 It's go time bitches

troybolton: they're in the office now-- gretch is recording everything while i leave a running commentary

caddyheron: janis is making her way to the office now. phase 2 (diversion) is a go! 

troybolton: THEY'RE MAKING OUT THEY'RE MAKING OUT THIS IS NOT A DRILL HHHSBSJBSK

gaymian: oh i KNEW IT

troybolton: cady GET JANIS NOW

caddyheron: dw, already on it

caddyheron: diversionretrieved.jpg

gretch-is-fetch: blackmailmaterial.mov

apexpredator: OH MY G O D

why-its-janis: HOLY CRAP!!!

apexpredator: AARON AND GRETCH-- HOW ARE YOU GUYS GOING TO GET OUT OF DUVALL'S OFFICE WITHOUT BEING NOTICED?! 

troybolton: o h... oh no

why-its-janis: we are SO STUPID WHY THE HELL DID WE NOT PLAN FOR THIS

gaymian: CRAP CRAP CRAPPP

caddyheron: SENDING JANIS IN NOW,, SHE'S GETTING DUVALL AND NORBURY OUT WITH IMPROV ALONE (pray that her acting classes pay off) WHEN I SIGNAL FROM THE OUTSIDE WINDOW, GET OUT OF THE SUPPLY CLOSET AND OPEN THE WINDOW-- I'LL HELP YOU GUYS OUT

why-its-janis: omw!!

troybolton: HOLY C R A P

troybolton: janis- "THERE'S A FIGHT IN THE HALLWAY IT'S GETTING REALLY UGLY" 

duvall- "i don't get paid enough for this"

caddyheron: YOU IDIOTS GET  
O U T  
OF THE SUPPLY CLOSET

apexpredator: OH MY GOD ARE THEY OUT??!?!!

apexpredator: Sitting in bed reading all of this-- please tell me everyone's okay! 

caddyheron: YES YES WE'RE FINE NOW

caddyheron: KAREN AND DAMIAN ARE FAKING A FIGHT IN THE HALLWAY HOLY CRAP

caddyheron: ohno.mov

gretch-is-fetch: cady, aaron, and i are heading back in to find jan now

caddyheron: gf: located

caddyheron: photos: acquired

caddyheron: operation norvall: a success

caddyheron: we are forcibly removed from the northshore main building!

apexpredator: INCREDIBLE!!! 

apexpredator: I'M SO PROUD!!!!

gaymian: KAREN AND I HAVE DETENTION KSBSKSBSJ

karen-the-sexy-mouse: >:-) worth it!! what was this for again?? 

gaymian: ...oh karen....

why-its-janis: yikes

\--

the void, 3:32 p.m.

 

caddyheron: you guys wanna skip?? im Really Not Excited for my presentation in history today :((

why-its-janis: im totally down babe xx 

apexpredator: How has Janis NOT gotten expelled yet?? I'm so confused,,

gaymian: Top Ten of the World's Greatest Mysteries

gaymian: & i can drive you guys,, i took my jeep to school today and it seats like 6 people if one of us is cool laying in the floorboards :)

apexpredator: D A M I A N 

gaymian: KIDDING KIDDING

caddyheron: YES!!! TYSM DAMIAN <333

gaymian: ofc babe,, ik how you get nervous for presentations & stuff

caddyheron: yea,,,, about that.. my mom thinks i might have social anxiety or something like that?? so we're like.... gonna get me tested for it soon. i wanted to tell you guys but i was worried (wow!! shocking!!!!!)

why-its-janis: aww caddy <3 we love u no matter what & we're here for you!! 

apexpredator: ^^^ HARD RT ILY BBY <333

gaymian: <33 lysm caddy!! also IM ABT TO BE OUTSIDE YEET OUT HERE BEFORE DUVALL SEES ME

why-its-janis: space gay is on the way!! 

caddyheron: same here!!!! thx sm damian!!!

apexpredator: I'm rewatching Gossip Girl and it's GLORIOUS!

troybolton: GUYS WAIT FOR ME

troybolton: IM STUCK IN CHEM RN UGH

gaymian: H U R R Y T R O Y

troybolton: oh my god,,

why-its-janis: GETCHA HEAD IN THE GAME

apexpredator: I'M DYING OF LAUGHTER 

gaymian: its chill actually bc i FORGOT MY CAR KEYS

caddyheron: HHSHSJ HOW DO YOU FORGET CAR KEYS?!

gaymian: I LEFT ALL MY STUFF IN CLASS BC I COULDNT TAKE MY BOOKBAG W ME TO THE "BATHROOM"

caddyheron: wait damian dont u have detention after school today anyway?? 

gaymian: crap

why-its-janis: i fail to see how this is a problem???

caddyheron: the detention instructor will see all of damian's absences in his other classes and know that he skipped,, but damian cant NOT go to detention bc duvall KNOWS HE WAS HERE TODAY

why-its-janis: oh dear

why-its-janis: solution!! i go meet damian outside the class he's in rn, he gives me his car keys, we go without him

gaymian: ugh,,,

gaymian: F I N E but its ONLY because i love u

caddyheron: YES YES YES!!

apexpredator: Okay but seriously, how have NONE of us been expelled yet? 

why-its-janis: skill, regina. skill.

caddyheron: running commentary- damian is zooming back into the annex building to get his keys, jan is waiting for his "operation: skip school is a go!" text, & im hiding in a shrub :)

apexpredator: Cady,,, sweetie,,,,, WHY

caddyheron: FOR THE DELINQUENT AESTHETIC

troybolton: "delinquent aesthetic"

troybolton: straight update- just got out of chem by faking the black plague (the flu) & will be meeting u guys in the parking lot pronto

caddyheron: "straight update" iM CHOKING

why-its-janis: she is. caddy, youre giving urself away :/

caddyheron: IM SORRY HHHSBSJB

why-its-janis: joking, babe. 

gaymian: operation: skip school IS A GO!!

apexpredator: You are all idiots.

why-its-janis: THATS WHAT I LIKE TO HEAR

why-its-janis: ^(that.. that we're skipping school, not that we're idiots)

troybolton: im outside now and i already know EXACTLY which shrub cady is in bc i can HEAR HER LAUGHING

apexpredator: I'd like to reiterate my previous statement- I D I O T S!!!

why-its-janis: damians keys- retrieved

shrub- evacuated

troy bolton- in the drivers seat

we are forcibly removed from northshore high!!! 

apexpredator: It's always amazing to me when stupidity prevails. You're going to get caught at some point.

caddyheron: aaronblastingtheradio.mov

apexpredator has muted the chat

gaymian: REGINALD NOOOO

why-its-janis: ........anyway

why-its-janis: WE'RE GETTING FROZEN YOGURT HECK YEAH

caddyheron: fugitivegirlfriends.jpg

gaymian: amazing

gaymian: we stanbsjsjd

gaymian: Hello, this is Mr. Duvall, your principal. Just thought I would remind you of my title seeing as we haven't been seeing a lot of each other lately. In fact, I really thought I remembered seeing Janis Sarkisian this morning? As well as Damian Hubbard, who I just caught on his phone in the hallway. Anyway, I'm straying from my point: GET BACK TO SCHOOL NOW OR I'LL UP YOUR 3 WEEK DETENTION TO A SUSPENSION.

caddyheron: hhhshsgsjdhjsk

why-its-janis: actually sir i think we're off the hook for this one?? 

apexpredator: JANIS WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING

apexpredator: Wait, no... HECK* 

gaymian: Excuse me? 

why-its-janis: blackmail.mov

why-its-janis: just thought i would remind you that doing THIS kind of thing  
at work, WITH A SUBORDINATE, is... well, illegal by the standards of our school. but we haven't been seeing each other very much lately, so you might have forgotten. 

gaymian has muted the chat

caddyheron: holy. CRAP. 

why-its-janis: WAIT DONT GO!! I HAVE MORE!!!

why-its-janis: norvallconfirmed.jpg

why-its-janis: holycrap.jpg

why-its-janis: illegal.jpg

why-its-janis: literallyillegal.jpg

why-its-janis: dangdangdiggitydangadang.jpg

gaymian: You've made your point, Miss Sarkisian.

gaymian: So which frozen yogurt place are you headed to?

apexpredator: HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP

caddyheron: HHSJSBSJSBSJBSHSJ WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?!!?!!!!

why-its-janis: m a g i c

why-its-janis: also could u give damian his phone back?? he hates feeling disconnected

caddyheron: O H M Y G O D

gaymian: HSHHSH CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHY DUVALL JUST GAVE ME MY PHONE BACK?!??!!

caddyheron: scroll the HECK UP!!!

apexpredator: Janis, I take back every bad thing I ever said about you.

apexpredator: I REALLY WISH I wasn't sick!!! 

why-its-janis: dw we'll bring u some frozen yogurt reggie <333

caddyheron: what flavor do u want?

apexpredator: WOW MY FAVORITE GAYS ILY <333

apexpredator: Strawberry ofc, pink is my Brand!!! 

troybolton: SHUT UP I AM DRIVING YOU OBSTINATE FRICKS

gaymian: GOD this is the Best Day

\--

the void, 4:34 p.m.

 

karen-the-sexy-mouse: guys why isnt damian in detention??

karen-the-sexy-mouse: guys???

apexpredator: Hi, Karen. Damian's busy doing Damian things. (e.g. Being an idiot, doing idiot things, like an idiot)

karen-the-sexy-mouse: oh :(

karen-the-sexy-mouse: tell him i said mr duvall is like, really mad at him! and janis!!! but i dont know why?? something about blackmail... or maybe it was orandge mail? this is trumps america after all...

caddyheron: HDHHSHSJSNJK 

why-its-janis: damians getting fro-yo with us bc we picked him up jhsjsbsj

gaymian: whoops

apexpredator: YOU ARE ALL SO STUPID.

apexpredator: PIE IS SUPERIOR!!!

\--

the void, 9:38 p.m.

 

caddyheron: janis is staying over at my place and she just got a call from her mom and she wanted reginald to know tht her mom's gonna b home in like 3 weeks 

apexpredator: Oh, that's great! And her stepdad is out of the picture?

caddyheron: yeah, actually. he moved out this morning and janis' mom said he wouldn't be coming back, so that's good

apexpredator: Yes!!! Is Janis okay? Why is she not typing this??

caddyheron: she's a little conflicted.. she kinda feels like its her fault and that she wrecked her moms relationship with her stepdad. like she knows what he did was super wrong but she remembers how much her mom seemed to enjoy her stepdad and then she feels bad, so im just sitting with her and making sure she's okay.

apexpredator: Oh, okay... Tell her we all love her!! <333

caddyheron: will do,, thx reggie <333

gaymian: aww can i come over?? 

caddyheron: lmao ofc damian,, she loves u to death <333

gaymian: FANTASTIC!! im bringing The Conjuring on dvd + infinite amounts of junk food

caddyheron: WE STAN A LEGEND 

caddyheron: tysm guys!! 

gaymian: they dont call me The Best Human Being On The Planet Earth for nothing!!

apexpredator: Me whenever I hold the door for anyone

caddyheron: HSHSHSHK


	19. Janis's Hot Cousin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> someone new enters the group chat!
> 
> regina is enamored, aaron is sympathetic, and said someone just wants to have a normal username

the void, 10:42 a.m.

 

apexpredator: Is everyone coming to my party tonight? 

gaymian: YES YES YES

caddyheron: ^ me and janis are riding w damian 

gretch-is-fetch: u know it!! im so excited!

why-its-janis: no thank you i would  
rather be strangled by an  
angry hornet man

gaymian: 1) janis what 2) is that... is that a haiku? 

why-its-janis: yes to BOTH of your questions! 

caddyheron: JANIS BE NICE

caddyheron: shes going to the party

why-its-janis: NO IM NOT

caddyheron: yes, YOU ARE

why-its-janis: NO IM NOT!!

caddyheron: YES YOU ARE

why-its-janis: N O I M N O T

caddyheron: WHY N O T 

why-its-janis: parties contain-

1) crowds of people, which i detest with the passion of a thousand burning suns  
2) generic pop music that makes my ears bleed  
3) HUMAN BEINGS  
4) crappy alcohol that will never replicate the rush i get when i climb in cadys room through a window  
5) bad junk food

gaymian: okay EDGELORD tone it down a bit sweetie

apexpredator: Janis. It's just going to be the people in the group chat. Were you not there when we all talked about this three days ago? 

why-its-janis: o h 

why-its-janis: guess not oof

caddyheron: you wanna go now?

why-its-janis: ....

gaymian: The Moment Of Truth 3.0

why-its-janis: YES 

caddyheron: fantastic; pick u up at 7

apexpredator: And Janis?

why-its-janis: yees

gaymian: EVERY TIME JANIS SAYS YEES I JUST START LAUGHING AND I CAN NEVER STOP

apexpredator: We ARE playing Truth or Dare at the party tonight and You Will Not Stop Us.

why-its-janis: c r a p

\--

the void, 11:08 a.m.

 

why-its-janis: i hate saturdays

why-its-janis: also the first person that Sees Regina Today Must Kill Her On Sight

gaymian: w h y ??? 

why-its-janis: bitch changed my ringtone to mcfreaking ALLSTAR BY SMASH MOUTH 

why-its-janis: IN A MINOR ASS KEY

troybolton: "a minor ass key" IM DYING

caddyheron: IM SCREECHING

apexpredator: It suits her personality.

why-its-janis: SCREW YOU

apexpredator: Lyt Jan <333

caddyheron: back off  
phrasal verb of back

1\. draw back from action or confrontation."they backed off from fundamental reform of the system"

gaymian: HSHHSHSH CADDY

why-its-janis: i Love My Girlfriend

troybolton: gorlfriend*

gaymian: A A R O N N O!!!!!!

caddyheron has removed troybolton from the chat

apexpredator: CADY

why-its-janis: F I N A L L Y

why-its-janis: J U S T I C E 

gretch-is-fetch: i hate this family

apexpredator: Silence, heathen. 

apexpredator: New Holy Group Chat Rule- NO NEGATIVITY! 

gaymian: DOUBLE NEGATIVE REGINALD

apexpredator: ???What

gaymian: you said "no" negativity and "no" is a NEGATIVE WORD

apexpredator: Dammit. 

caddyheron: also that rule would never be followed; have u MET janis??

why-its-janis: caddy! 

why-its-janis: im not THAT angsty!!

gaymian: oh really because i seem to recall that yesterday in english when our substitute told us we'd be doing busywork you LITERALLY mimed killing yourself and flipped off the sub underneath your desk where she couldn't see it

apexpredator: Me whenever I'm mildly inconvenienced 

caddyheron: HHSBSHBK JANIS

why-its-janis: how to abort my friends

why-its-janis: wait this isnt google

gaymian has muted the chat

caddyheron: >:0

apexpredator: *Sad kazoo music*

gretch-is-fetch: guys,,, some of us are trying to study for the math test next tuesday

why-its-janis has changed the chat name to 'SCREW OFF GRETCHEN'

gretch-is-fetch has changed the chat name to 'NO'

caddyheron has changed the chat name to 'GUYS WHY CAN'T WE JUST GET ALONG'

apexpredator has changed the chat name to 'Stop Yelling You Idiots'

gaymian has changed the chat name to 'the void'

gaymian: order is Restored

\--

the void, 12:54 p.m.

 

why-its-janis: ooo guys i forgot to mention-- my cousins are moving here today and one of them is a girl our age,, since she doesnt really know anyone can she come to reginas party thing??? pleasseeee?? shes really cool i swear!

gaymian: 1) how do you FORGET to mention something like that 2) is it the veronica cousin or the elle cousin??

why-its-janis: 1) I AM A TIRED PERSON 2) the veronica one-- elle's my second cousin & we like never talk anymore oof

apexpredator: That's fine, Jan. Your cousin can swing by as long as she's nice.

why-its-janis: y e s !!! thx reginald

caddyheron: YEETO

why-its-janis: I THOUGHT WE AGREED YOUD STOP SAYING THAT

gaymian: HSJSHJSHSHK CADDY NO??!!!!!

apexpredator: Cady's gonna scare this Veronica chick away before she can even settle in.

why-its-janis: S H U T!!!!! up

gaymian: jan what does she look like??

why-its-janis: veronica.jpg

apexpredator: ...

caddyheron: holy HECK its janis with shorter, non-dyed hair??!!!

gaymian: im LOSING MY MIND RIGHT NOW

apexpredator: Is she single?

apexpredator: Follow-up question: Is she into girls?

why-its-janis: yes and yes hhshsjbjk

caddyheron: HSJHSJSBSJ REGINA

why-its-janis: so youre sure she can come to the party?

apexpredator: YES DEFINITELY

\--

the void, 6:33 p.m.

 

why-its-janis has added ronnie to the chat

ronnie: Janis... why.

why-its-janis has changed ronnie's name to veronica-soysauce

veronica-soysauce: Okay FIRST AND FOREMOST, your puns are weak at best. Secondly, what is this and why am I involved all of a sudden?

caddyheron: JANIS JUST GOT SCALPED WITHIN AN INCH OF HER LIFE HSHJSSBJK

gretch-is-fetch: WELCOME!!!!!!!!!

veronica-soysauce: Do they all type like that? 

why-its-janis: 1) bitch 2) yes except for regina

apexpredator: Finally, someone with a grasp of proper grammar and punctuation!

apexpredator: I'm Regina, by the way.

veronica-soysauce: Veronica Sawyer... so what is this? Janis, these are your friends?

why-its-janis: yees

gaymian: WHY DO YOU DO THIS

why-its-janis: wot???

caddyheron: this is why we cant have nice things jam

caddyheron: also hi veronica!! im cady, btw! 

troybolton: hi veronica-- i too was a helpless victim of this group chat, but in time i learned that There Really Is No Escape

troybolton: Accept Your Fate or Die Trying

veronica-soysauce: Oh... oh man. 

veronica-soysauce has changed their name to ronnie

ronnie: JUST LET ME HAVE THIS JANIS

why-its-janis: f i n e

ronnie: Can everyone introduce themselves and maybe send a picture? If we're going to be friends I need to start matching names to faces early in the game.

caddyheron: of course!!

gaymian: im damian! 

gaymian: me.jpg

caddyheron: moi.jpg

why-its-janis: WOW IM GAY??

apexpredator: Reel it in, Janis.

apexpredator: mythicbitch.jpg

ronnie: Whoa, what'd you call yourself??

gaymian: oh, dont worry, its just a nickname we have for her-- its not serious or anything

ronnie: Uh-huh... yeah, my bad. Just got major deja vu for a minute there. 

gretch-is-fetch: im gretchen!! myface.jpg

karen-the-sexy-mouse: im karen!! :-)

karen-the-sexy-mouse: karen.jpg

troybolton: im aaron, im 17, and im Never Going To Live Down My Chat Name

troybolton: me.jpg

ronnie: Alright, cool! So that's everyone?

caddyheron: yep! :)

ronnie: Awesome. See you guys tonight, I guess.

ronnie has left the chat

apexpredator: >:/

why-its-janis has added ronnie to the chat

ronnie: Guess I should have seen that coming.


	20. Macaroni Is A Literal Lifesaver

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hmmmmmm
> 
> i just watched 'The Boy' for the second time and my brain is having a Really Hard Time not freaking out so we're just gonna,,,
> 
> write these dumb chapters all night babes
> 
>  
> 
> also THANK U ALL FOR BEING SO SWEET???!! i feel god in this gc fic tonight

ronnie >> heather-macaroni, 6:45 p.m.

 

ronnie: So my cousin Janis just put me in her group chat with all her weirdass friends and I have no idea what to do?!

heather-macaroni: THAT SOUNDS AWESOME CAN U ADD ME

ronnie: This is why I should've gone to Martha... 

heather-macaroni: VERONICA NO,,,

heather-macaroni: THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL THING!! 

ronnie: Jesus Christ.

heather-macaroni: it IS!! it's like,, it'll be fine! just trust me; nothing bad can ever come out of a group chat!! remember our group chat with heather and heather?

ronnie: 1) Sadly, yes-- I remember. 2) Heather, that group chat ended with Duke blocking you and Chandler kicking me out... your point?

heather-macaroni: oh... i forgot about that

heather-macaroni: guess ur right then!! have Fun!!!!

ronnie: HEATHER THEY WON'T LET ME LEAVE

ronnie: THIS IS A BIG ISSUE™️ 

heather-macaroni: it cant be That Bad ronnie :/

ronnie: THEY TALK UNTIL 3 A.M.

heather-macaroni: oh,, oh dear

ronnie: There's this one girl who MIGHT be bearable?? Maybe? 

ronnie: Her name's Reggie or Regina or something like that... she's the only one that uses proper punctuation.

heather-macaroni: thats good ig,, send a pic if u have one!

ronnie: kindahottbh.jpg

heather-macaroni: RONNIE OMG

ronnie: ??

heather-macaroni: IS SHE SINGLE

ronnie: How would I know?!

heather-macaroni: DATE HER DATE HER DATE HER

ronnie: Fuck this, I'm getting Martha.

ronnie has added asyouwish to the chat

asyouwish: what's up guys??

heather-macaroni: RONNIE HAS A BIG GAY CRUSH ON THIS GIRL IN HER COUSIN'S GROUP CHAT

asyouwish: so the usual then

ronnie: HSJHSSHB MARTHA WHAT?!!

asyouwish: veronica, you're a disaster gay. you get crushes on Every Girl You See. 

ronnie has left the chat

heather-macaroni: she's mad because it's The Truth

asyouwish: heather,,, ur a real one

heather-macaroni: <3

\--

the void, 7:01 p.m.

 

caddyheron: JANIS AND I ARE WITH DAMIAN AND WE'LL BE AT THE PARTY SOON BUT WE'RE GONNA PICK UP VERONICA BEFOREHAND

why-its-janis: babe ur caps lock is on and its making u look like a raving lunatic

caddyheron: oh crap,,,

gaymian: HSHSBJSBKK

apexpredator: Sounds good, Cady!! Gretch and Karen and Aaron are already here & we're just chilling so you're not really missing out on anything.

ronnie: Um guys... could I maybe take a rain check on this one? Not feeling too great right now. 

why-its-janis: l i a r 

why-its-janis: u were fine earlier today WE ARE PICKING YOU UP AND THAT IS FINAL

gaymian: oof

gretch-is-fetch: disastergays.jpg

ronnie: Ugh, okay. Just don't get pissed if I have to leave early. 

why-its-janis: um, why?? 

\--

ronnie >> why-its-janis

 

ronnie: I hate parties

ronnie: And I don't know these people

ronnie: And I'm kind of having a rough night so far

ronnie: I'm sorry for freaking out on you guys and bailing but I can't do this

ronnie: If your friends find out how screwed up I am they won't like me I'm serious 

why-its-janis: Veronica, whoa. Take a breather. 

ronnie: So you CAN use proper punctuation and capitalization...

why-its-janis: Shut up. Look, all that stuff that happened to you at Westerberg or Westerburg or wherever CAN'T FOLLOW YOU HERE, everything's fine. You don't have to deal with shitheads anymore; these are nice people! 

ronnie: It CAN follow me, actually. 

ronnie: Look, I've said too much. Just forget this whole convo & pick me up anyway.

ronnie has ended the chat

\--

the void, 7:05 p.m.

 

caddyheron: veronica- retrieved

damian- flooring it to reginalds house

me- hella excited

we are forcibly removed from the sawyer residence

apexpredator: Amazing!! 

gaymian: we're almost there yeet yeet

caddyheron: y e e t o

why-its-janis: CADY HERON

gaymian: Oh My God,,,

caddyheron: >:O 

why-its-janis: s t op,,,,,,,,

apexpredator: Take your time, honey.

why-its-janis: SAYING THA T

caddyheron: no.

ronnie: I am SO worried about some of you right now.

gaymian: BEEP BEEP BITCHES WE HERE

apexpredator: YESSS

ronnie: I'm genuinely afraid... is this gonna be like a Remington party on steroids?

caddyheron: a hwat

caddyheron: wot*

why-its-janis: remington parties are these wild college parties that veronica used to get into bc she was friends w these girls who were all named heather

why-its-janis: it was some Weird Shit

ronnie: RT

apexpredator: Oof

gaymian: ITS PARTY TIME BABES LETS START TRUTH OR DARE

troybolton: god help us all

ronnie: I'm terrified.

\--

ronnie >> heather-macaroni, 9:45 p.m.

 

ronnie: WE'RE PLAYING TRUTH OR DARE AND IT'S ACTUALLY SORT OF FUN???!!

heather-macaroni: I TOLD U OMG!!!! 

ronnie: THIS DAMIAN KID JUST DANCED LIKE A STRIPPER WITH KAREN AS THE POLE??? TO THE MOANA SOUNDTRACK????!!!!!!

ronnie: absolutemayhem.mov

heather-macaroni: I STG IF YOU DON'T ADD ME TO THE CHAT I'M GOING TO SCREAM!!!!

ronnie: FINE FINE I'LL ASK THEM

\--

the void, 10:02 p.m.

 

ronnie: Hey guys, can I add one of my friends?? I've told her about everyone and she really wants to meet you all.

gaymian: THATS SO CUTE YES ADD HER PLS,,,

why-its-janis: hey!! admin gets to decide

caddyheron: as Official Admin of this holy group chat,,, 

caddyheron: BITCH ADD HER

gaymian: HHSHJSBJ A LEGEND

ronnie has added heather-macaroni

heather-macaroni: how does everyone feel about the color yellow??

caddyheron: its spectacualr!! 

apexpredator: Don't mind Cady, honey; she's a little.. drunk. 

heather-macaroni: arent we all??? 

gaymian: I Love Her

ronnie: This was a... Bad idea.

heather-macaroni: RONNIE NO I HAVENT EVEN SENT A MEME YET

apexpredator: Let her Finish!!!

ronnie has removed heather-macaroni from the chat

caddyheron: >:O V E R O N I C A !!!

why-its-janis: caddy u didnt even know her,,,

gaymian: WE KNEW HER ENOUGH

gaymian: I CANT BELIEVE YOUVE DONE THIS,,,

apexpredator: Literally gonna blow myself up if we don't get back to Truth or Dare???!!! Y'all! 

gaymian: Y A L L

caddyheron: yall

why-its-janis: YALL

gretch-is-fetch: y a l l

ronnie: I'm gonna go to the bathroom, you guys just continue without me.

apexpredator: Have fun!!

caddyheron: regina WHA T

apexpredator: Wait what did I say??

apexpredator: OH MY GOD HSHSHSHSBJKKKN

why-its-janis: MCFREAKING SCREENSHOTTED YOU USELESS LESBIAN

gaymian: This is a Glorious Day!!!!! 

troybolton: i Hate this family

troybolton: also janis u might wanna check on veronica she looked like she was abt to cry

why-its-janis: wait, what?

troybolton: i was getting snacks & i saw her heading into the bathroom. she was breathing really weird,, did she like eat something bad or??

why-its-janis: oh mother oF SHIT

why-its-janis: she went through some crap in junior year,, like major crap, and random words can just make her go into a panic?? usually it has something to do with like bombs or explosions or guns or crap like that

why-its-janis: im gonna go check on her you guys just keep playing she hates when attention is drawn to her,,

apexpredator: Oh no, I hope she's okay!!

gaymian: someone add her friend back she probably knows what to do,,

caddyheron: hold up i saved her number

caddyheron has added heather-macaroni to the chat

heather-macaroni: WHATS UP FUCKERS

caddyheron: veronica's having like an anxiety attack or smth and we have No Idea What To Do please help!!!

heather-macaroni: oh CRAP okay just call me and give her the phone i got this,,,

\--

the void, 12:02 a.m.

 

caddyheron: so what are your guys' opinions on the moon landing??

why-its-janis: 100% faked!!

gaymian: HJSBSJSBSJNK

ronnie: Conspiracy theorists are just Looking For Attention. You can't trust them.

heather-macaroni: THE MOON LANDING WAS FAKED VERONICA!!!! STOP BEING SO NAIVE

heather-macaroni: ITS A SHAM

gaymian: I Really Really Love Her

heather-macaroni: sir i am a Lesbian

why-its-janis: I JUST SNORTED SPRITE OUT OF MY NOSE??!?!!!! 

ronnie: Mac,,, Damian's gay.

heather-macaroni: ........ o h

apexpredator: I CAN HEAR CADY LAUGHING FROM THE OTHER ROOM THIS IS HILARIOUS

why-its-janis: shes laughing RIGHT IN MY EAR CADDY I AM TRYING TO SLEEP FOR ONCE IN MY MISERABLE LIFE

ronnie: Big Mood.

caddyheron: sorry babe <333

why-its-janis: literally just b more quiet & ill forgive u 

caddyheron: ill be quiet if you kiss me!!

apexpredator has removed caddyheron and why-its-janis from the chat

gaymian: IM GOING INTO CARDIAC ARREST YALL,,,

gretch-is-fetch: "yall"


	21. Gays Visit Target and Get in Fistfights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yo babes my birthday is tmrw so i probably wont update again until monday,, hope thats chill
> 
> also THANK YOU FOR THE KUDOS & SWEET COMMENTS HHSJSBJ ILY

why-its-janis >> caddyheron, 1:03 a.m., sunday

 

why-its-janis: i cant sleep so im just gonna message u so u can read these in the morning

why-its-janis: i love u sm,, 

why-its-janis: i love how you laugh at like Everything i say even if it isnt that funny,, and how your eyes light up when you talk about africa & animals & i just wish i could take you back there one day?? it sounds stupid but you always look so happy when you tell us abt how great it was

why-its-janis: youre really really pretty

why-its-janis: i want to hug u rn but ur asleep :( <3

why-its-janis: im having a harder time sleeping lately and i honestly dont know what to do

why-its-janis: i just wish everything could be like it was in elementary school when everyone was nice and we had recess

why-its-janis: anyway im being dumb im just super tired

why-its-janis: love you!! 

\--

caddyheron >> why-its-janis, 8:03 a.m., sunday

caddyheron: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH WHAT THE HELL 

caddyheron: I JUST WAKE UP TO LIKE??? SWEET MESSAGES EVERY MORNING AND IM LIKE?????? AM I DREAMING???

caddyheron: I LOVE YOUUUU

why-its-janis: <333 im crying in the club

\--

the void, 7:03 a.m., monday

 

apexpredator: So I'm assuming everyone's coming to school today considering we've skipped so much lately??

gaymian: sadly, y e s

caddyheron: UGHHHHHH

ronnie: You guys skip a lot?

why-its-janis: yep. it'll be a wonder if we're not caught and expelled by the end of the year tbh

ronnie: Yikes...

ronnie: Also-- where do you guys hang out in the morning? I don't want to seem clingy but I'm kind of all alone here.

gaymian: oh, ofc! dont worry abt coming off as clingy; you need to fit in somewhere! 

gaymian: we go to breakfast in the cafeteria & usually just sit in one of the booths and talk. cady will wave u over once we see you!

ronnie: Oh, thanks so much!! On my way.

why-its-janis: how much do u think it would hurt if i chucked my bagel at shane oman's head at full force

gaymian: probably a lot considering how close he is??

caddyheron: JANIS NO

why-its-janis: REVENGE WILL BE OURS!!!

apexpredator: Oh crap oh crap he's looking over here!!! Janis WHY DID YOU DO THAT??!!

ronnie: Oh my God, is it the kid in plaid? He's looking at Janis like he wants to KILL her hold up

caddyheron: JHHSHSHJNKN 

gaymian: V E R O N I C A 

gaymian: OKAY SHES OFFICIALLY OUR FRIEND

gretch-is-fetch: IM STILL ON THE WAY TO SCHOOL WHAT HAPPENED HSHSHH

caddyheron: SHANE LIKE LUNGES TOWARD JANIS LIKE HE'S GONNA HIT HER AND VERONICA JUST?? LIKE SWOOPS IN OUT OF  
N O W H E R E  
AND !!DECKS!! THIS KID HOLY HECK

gretch-is-fetch: OH MY GOD??!?!?!!!

gaymiam: SHES FINE SHES FINE

gaymian: veronicaisbadass.mov

apexpredator: I'm... wow. 

why-is-janis: HELLO 911 YES ID LIKE TO REPORT A MURDER

why-its-janis: G R E T C H E N

why-its-janis: VERONICA JUST LIKE,,, GETS UP AS SHANE IS LITERALLY ON THE GROUND DYING AND SHE WALKS OVER TO OUR TABLE AND IS LIKE "SO WHERE DID YOU GET THAT BAGEL? IM STARVING" HSJSHSH WHAT THE

ronnie: Guys, it wasn't that impressive. All I did was give him what was coming to him.

caddyheron: you DECKED shane oman!!!!! that IS IMPRESSIVE

why-its-janis: troy is QUAKING right now

troybolton: i literally am

troybolton: also STOP CALLIGN ME THAT GSHSHS

caddyheron: wow troy rlly Went Off

ronnie: No but seriously, I'm really hungry. Where did the bagel come from?

why-its-janis: got it from caddy <333

caddyheron: <333

apexpredator: Disgusten

gaymian: HHHSKSBS REGIN A

caddyheron: & sorry ronnie,, i only brought one :(

ronnie: It's chill. I usually don't eat breakfast anyway. 

gaymian: guys guys shane omans friends are coming over here hsgshsvj

ronnie: Seriously?!!

apexpredator: OOF

caddyheron: S C A T T E R 

gaymian: IM HAVING A STROKE,,,,

why-its-janis: My Girlfriend Is Actually John Mulaney 

ronnie: I really didn't want to have to beat up more than one guy.

apexpredator: You don't have to!!! Let's just leave, it's almost time for HR anyway.

gaymian: I SECOND THAT 

caddyheron: ....

caddyheron: s c a t t e r ?

why-its-janis: no, babe

why-its-janis: we're leaving the cafeteria 

caddyheron: shit

gaymian: WHO TAUGHT HER THAT WORD

why-its-janis: ...

apexpredator: I Think We All Know, Damian. 

\--

the void, 5:34 p.m., monday

 

why-its-janis: WHATS UP HOES ME AND CADDY AND DAMIAN ARE GOING TO TARGET WHO WANTS TO JOIN US

apexpredator: ME!!!

gretch-is-fetch: ^^rt! 

ronnie: What are you guys buying?

apexpredator: Useless crap, probably. We like to go to Target at night because reality feels altered. We usually end up buying a bunch of stuff we don't need from the dollar bins and pushing Cady on the shopping cart. 

ronnie: Oh, okay. Can I come?

caddyheron: YESSS MORE PEOPLE

caddyheron: WE WILL INVADE TARGET

why-its-janis: help me

apexpredator: Perish.

gaymian: RONNIE WE'RE OUTSIDE UR HOUSE WITH REGINALD AND GRETCH HURRY UPPP

caddyheron: D A M I A N  
STOP  
L E A N I N G  
ON THE HORN

why-its-janis: RT BLEASE STOP,,,

troybolton: "blease" IM CHOKING

apexpredator: MY EARS ARE BLEEDING I STG DAMIAN HUBBARD I'M GONNA THROW MY LOUBOUTIN HEELS AT YOUR F A C E 

gaymian: im going into cardiac arrest,,,

ronnie: Guys. Unlock the car door.

gaymian: This Whole Experience is Tragic,,,,,

caddyheron: i hate this family

why-its-janis: >:O

caddyheron: HJDHSJ EXCEPT FOR JANIS

apexpredator: I have never been in a car with Damian as the driver before. The fact that I truly, genuinely believed JANIS was the most reckless driver in our friend group is hilarious to me now. 

apexpredator: DAMIAN SLOW DOWN

troybolton: this is so stressful to read,, damian dont kill them Theyre All I Have Now

gaymian: IM SORRY IM BAD AT DRIVING DURING THE NIGHT 

why-its-janis: GET OFF YOUR FRICKING PHONE ASSHAT

caddyheron: help help help

ronnie: WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. HELL. 

ronnie: HOW DID HE EVEN  
G E T  
HIS LICENSE??!?!?!!

why-its-janis: sheer force of will

caddyheron: AAAAAAAAAAA x27

apexpredator: Cady always supplies the nights' biggest moods. She never disappoints. 

gaymian: WE'RE AT TARGET IN RECORD TIME BITCHES

gaymian: EXIT THE VEHICLE IN AN ORDERLY FASHIOnhsusvhsjlk

troybolton: oh, death? 

apexpredator: Unfortunately, Damian is still alive. Janis took his phone and threw it to make a "point" and now we're looking for it in the parking lot.

ronnie: You guys are seriously wild.

caddyheron: this is us On A Mellow Day,,,,,,,

ronnie: GHSBSHSKK

why-its-janis: rip veronica 2k18

gaymian: FOUND MY PHONE HOES

gaymian: NOW LETS GO IN TARGET

apexpredator: Thank God!!!

apexpredator: I'm getting coffee, you guys go do dumb shit without me.

ronnie: Ooh, can I hang with you, Regina?

apexpredator: Hhhhbsjsbn sure!! 

\--

caddyheron >> why-its-janis, 6:17 p.m.

caddyheron: THREE WORDS

why-its-janis: BIG

caddyheron: GAY

why-its-janis: CRUSH

caddyheron: YES YES YES

why-its-janis: !!! she KEYBOARD SMASHED

caddyheron: !!!!!! I KNOWWWW

caddyheron: REGINALD HAS A BIG GAY CRUSH ON VERONICAAAA

why-its-janis: HHHSBSJSBKSN

\--

the void, 6:19 p.m., monday

 

gaymian: yall gretchen is hiding in the clothing racks HELP ME FIND HER

ronnie: Jesus Christ.


	22. Lost In Target ft. Minor Angst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yeeto

the void, 6:49 p.m., monday

 

gaymian: WHERE IS EVERYONE

gaymian: gay update we are LOST IN TARGET

gretch-is-fetch: the clothing racks and i are Finally One

apexpredator: Ronnie and I are in the very front of the store getting slushies from the slushy dispenser if anyone wants to get their shit together and act like an adult.

caddyheron: JANIS IS PUSHING ME ON THE SHOPPING CART AT FULL SPEED THROUGH THE ARTS AND CRAFTS ISLE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

why-its-janis: thatslovebitch.gif

gaymian: Beautiful, Amazing, Showstopping, Incredible!!! but i am STILL LOST

why-its-janis: shoppingcartrunsintoshelves.mov

caddyheron: IM OKAY!!!!

ronnie: The fact that Regina and I HEARD THAT from the front of the store is Actually Terrifying....

gretch-is-fetch: I DONT KNOW WHERE THE CLOTHING RACKS END AND WHERE I BEGIN 

troybolton: Local Gay Disasters: Lost In Target

karen-the-sexy-mouse: guys i lost my phone for a week and i JUST FOUND IT in my hand!!!!???? MAGIC IS REEL!!!!!

ronnie: If magic was real, everyone else in our friend group at this godforbidden store would Meet Us Here At The Front we have BEEN HERE FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF. 

apexpredator: Hard RT.

caddyheron: SORRY ME AND JANIS ARE HAVING A FASHION SHOW IN THE JUNIORS DEPARTMENT

why-its-janis: babe your caps lock is on again

caddyheron: CRAP

caddyheron: crap*

apexpredator: Help them.

apexpredator: Y'ALL VERONICA JUST LAUGHED AND SHE HAD HER MOUTH ON THE SLUSHY STRAW AND IT EXPLODED E V E R Y W H E R E

gaymian: HSHHSHSHHKKK

gretch-is-fetch: I CAN SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY

gretch-is-fetch: I EMERGE FROM THE CLOTHING RACKS,,,,

apexpredator: theslushyincident.mov

gretch-is-fetch: AS A NEW WOMAN!!!!!

caddyheron: jam & i are heading towards the front now!! with napkins for veronica!!!

apexpredator: God Bless!!!!!

ronnie: REGINA WHY DID YOU SEND THE VIDEO

gaymian: run reginald,,

apexpredator: madveronica.jpg

caddyheron: SHE LOOKS EVEN   
M O R E  
LIKE JANIS WHEN SHES ANGRY HHSJSHJ

ronnie: >:0

why-its-janis: VERONICA THATS NOT AN INSULT HSHSHHSK??!

ronnie: Are you sure?

gaymian: OH MY GOD,,,

gaymian: HELLO 911 ID LIKE TO REPORT A MURDER

ronnie: Kidding, kidding.

apexpredator: Hey, idiots!! Chop chop!

ronnie: Jesus, you are literally Heather Chandler reincarnated.

apexpredator: What??

gaymian: whos heather chandler?

caddyheron: JANIS JUST PUSHED ME INTO A RACK OF CLOTHES ON ACCIDENT AND NOW THERE ARE CLOTHES  
A L L   
OVER THE FLOORRRRR

gaymian: """on accident"""

why-its-janis: hshsgshsk

why-its-janis: veronica & regina we'll meet u up front in a sec

gretch-is-fetch: I SEE THEM

gaymian: same and i waNT A SLUSHY

ronnie: I'm gonna go out to the car...

apexpredator: Alright, I'll go with you. Don't feel like waiting on gay and gayer to make their way up here.

ronnie: Yikes. 

\--

 

ronnie >> apexpredator, 8:37 p.m., monday

 

ronnie: mac help im in the car with janis's friends and theyre super loud and i have a brain freeze because we had slushies and now i cant stop thinking about jd god my vision is blurry

apexpredator: Veronica, uhh, this is Regina...

ronnie: shit sh it shIT

apexpredator: Whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down. Look, I'm not gonna pry because I respect peoples' boundaries, but I can get everyone to quiet down if you want.

ronnie: hdhshhh ok

apexpredator: There's probably a water in the backseat. Want me to roll down a window too?

ronnie: um,, yeah that'd be great actually

ronnie: thank you

apexpredator: Don't mention it. And don't worry, I promise I won't tell anyone you don't use proper grammar and punctuation when you're freaked.

ronnie: gee, how will i ever repay you

ronnie: but seriously thank you

apexpredator: It's no problem. If you ever need anything, I'm always here. I know we don't really know each other that well yet but I hope you feel like you can call us your friends.

ronnie: thank you, that's really kind

apexpredator: I wasn't always like this. It's really thanks to Cady and her friends that I'm becoming nicer... they seem wild at first, but they're really good people. Just give them a chance.

apexpredator has ended the chat

\--

the void, 8:41 p.m., monday

 

troybolton: are yall alive lol

caddyheron: "yall"

caddyheron: & yeS we're just tired as heCK 

why-its-janis: shsjshjdkdnkk

caddyheron: janis agrees with me

ronnie: How'd you guys start dating??

caddyheron: hhh

caddyheron: we were playing truth or dare & i got dared to kiss her & we were slightly Dramatic in the gc for a bit because i thought i'd done something wrong and then janis messaged me separately and confessed her Big Lesbian Crush on me and i was like "lol me too lets date"

ronnie: I... I honestly had no idea what I was expecting but that's... yeah, that sounds about right.

why-its-janis: Im Lov Her

caddyheron: go to sleep idiot

why-its-janis: CANT SLEEP IM IN A MOVING VEHICLE

caddyheron: shhh damians driving youll distract him

apexpredator: The fact that Janis is answering you out loud AND texting the group chat really Angers me for some reason. Like, pick one.

why-its-janis: OH IM REGINALD AND I DO WHATEVER I WANT BECAUSE IM RICHHH AND PRETTYY AND EVERYONE HAS TO DO WHAT I SAYYY LALALALA GUESS WHAT REGINA?? I CANT HEAR YOU

troybolton: is She Ok

caddyheron: janis blease,,,,,, stop,,,

caddyheron: youre disrupting the family car ride

why-its-janis: OH IM CADDY AND I CAN SAY ANYTHINGGGG AT ALLLL AND JANIS WILL DO IT JUSSST BECAUSE SHE LOVES ME WOW IM A MAGICIAN

why-its-janis: well GUESS WHAT IM NOT GOIMG TOSHSGSVLLmBBjK

troybolton: did She........ Die??

gaymian: no caddy just took her phone

why-its-janis: im janis and i appreciate that my girlfriend has my best interests at heart and genuinely wants me to be healthy. i would like to also apologize publicly for everything ive said in this group chat up until now that could be considered offensive in any way. 

apexpredator: An Imposter........

ronnie: Can someone get Janis to stop yelling? I am Actually Dying.

troybolton: im so worried abt this friend group,,,

gretch-is-fetch: i

gretch-is-fetch: i mi

apexpredator: Take your time sweetie

gretch-is-fetch: i miss the clothing racks

apexpredator has removed gretch-is-fetch from the chat

 

 

 


	23. Roadtrip? Roadtrip.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> roadtrips and concerts are gay culture now
> 
> stay woke kids

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo if you guys want some of that,,, janis and cady Content
> 
> i have another fic that i just updated that's actually a narrative and not a gc,, oof

the void, 8:32 a.m., friday

 

why-its-janis: gUESS who got 8 tickets tO A LORDE CONCERTTT

caddyheron: HHJSBSK WHAT HOW WHEN?!?!!!?!

why-its-janis: DETAILS ARE NOT IMPORTANT

gaymian: ...did you visit the darkweb for this, janis?? 

why-its-janis: ANYWAYS ITS THIS WEEKEND & YOURE ALL GOING

apexpredator: HOLY CRAP???!!!!

gaymian: oh she Definitely Visited the Darkweb

troybolton: hhhhh

ronnie: Janis what??!!

why-its-janis: lordetix.jpg

caddyheron: HHSHHSVSJSK I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND?!?!!!!!?!!!!

ronnie: Oh my God!!

why-its-janis: on saturday afternoon meet me and caddy and damian and regina at reginas house and we'll drive to the venue yeet yeet

gretch-is-fetch: OH MY GODDDD 

karen-the-sexy-mouse: <:-DDD

caddyheron: i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you 

why-its-janis: OH MY GOD <33333

gaymian: wow Gay

ronnie: This entire group chat is literally just Janis and Cady being In Love what's going on???

apexpredator has removed caddyheron and why-its-janis from the chat

gaymian: >:0

apexpredator: What?? They're probably making out by now anyway, it's not like they need to text...

gaymian: :/

gretch-is-fetch: HHH GUYS JASON JUST TEXTED ME WHAT DO I DO

ronnie: Wait, who?! 

gaymian: oh sweetie not again...,,,

apexpredator: DROP. HIM.

apexpredator: Block, delete, erase contact. Done.

gaymian: how can she block someone irl tho???

caddyheron has rejoined the chat

gaymian: HWA T TH E,,

caddyheron has added why-its-janis to the chat

ronnie: Murder.

caddyheron: ????!!!!!

ronnie: How to block someone irl. 

apexpredator: I was thinking more along the lines of a restraining order, but sure, murder works, too.

ronnie: But you're not, like, actually down to kill someone, right?? Like... you're just joking?

apexpredator: .....Yeeesss?

why-its-janis: yees

gaymian: JANIS WOULD YOU STOP THAT,,

gaymian: also this convo is Getting Weird im scared yall

troybolton: YALL

apexpredator: Y'all

caddyheron: y'all

why-its-janis: yall

gretch-is-fetch: blocked jason and i feel Absolutely Awful!! :)))

apexpredator: Aww, Gretch, he's such a tool. Don't feel bad, he was just using you and you don't need that kind of negativity in your life! 

gretch-is-fetch: thanks regina <333 :(

caddyheron: AWWW GRETCHIE WE LOVE U

why-its-janis: Lots of Lomve for My Gal <3333

gaymian: im worried abt janis's mental state :// also GRETCHEN ILY YOU DESERVE BETTER BOO

ronnie: His name was Jason?

apexpredator: Is*?? He's still alive lol

gretch-is-fetch: yea. kind of a basic white boy name, tbh

ronnie: Yeah... boys are stupid. You're not missing out on anything. 

gretch-is-fetch: uh, thanks :) 

\--

caddyheron >> why-its-janis, 9:02 p.m.

 

caddyheron: i'm worried about veronica

 

why-its-janis: same... listen, i know some of the details, but definitely not the whole story. if you want to know, that is.

caddyheron: uhh.... my curiosity's peaked, but it isn't my place. i just hope she feels better.

why-its-janis: same...

\--

the void, 3:32 p.m., saturday

 

why-its-janis: WHATS UP BITCHES ARE ALL OF YOU HERE

gaymian: head count head count!!

apexpredator: No. 

apexpredator: Everyone is here and accounted for, even Karen. We did good, team! 

gaymian: GUYS IM SO EXCITED FOR THIS SHIT HDHSHBSJKKNK

why-its-janis: alright alright whos driving

ronnie: I will. I don't trust anyone here.

apexpredator: MEEE 

caddyheron: does reginald mean "me" as in like Wow Thats A Phat Mood or "me" as in like Step Aside Veronica Im Driving This Bitch

gaymian: im so worried about cady.....

apexpredator: "Me" as in "Wow, that's a phat mood." God, I can't believe I just typed that.

gaymian: none of us can

troybolton: GET!! IN!! THE!! CAR!!

gaymian: Hes Ready,,,,

caddyheron: IM SITTIGN BESIDE JANIS AMD NO ONE IS STOPPINF ME

gaymian: A Rabid Cady Appears

why-its-janis: i Cannot Believe caddy and i are stuck in the Very Back Row,,, blasphemy

caddyheron: wlw-phobia

apexpredator: I call shotgun!! 

gaymian: IM SANDWICHED BETWEEN GRETCH, AARON, AND KAREN AND HONESTLY?? NOT THAT BAD

troybolton: turn on the gosh darn radio binches

apexpredator: Alright, but we're listening to Beyonce. The whole way there. There's no escaping it. 

caddyheron: YESSS

why-its-janis: cady did u bring snacks

caddyheron: UM OF COURSE??? Im not an Animal????

apexpredator: Thank God!!!

gaymian: my mood is aaron screaming "HYDRATE" as he chucks water bottles at everyone tbh

gretch-is-fetch: my mood is janis screaming because her water bottle cap came off and water spilled everywhere,,

caddyheron: ITS NOT FUNNY GRETCHEB

apexpredator: Ah, yes, I love all of my friends: Janis, Damian, Karen, Aaron, Cady, Veronica, and *looks at smudged writing on hand* Gretcheb!

gaymian: gretcheb is fetcheb

why-its-janis: shut YOUR!! MOUTH 

apexpredator: The inconsistency of emphasis in that message is actually making me want to vomit. 

caddyheron: guess!!!! wha t WE DONT !!!!!!!!!! ca r e

gaymian: im finna block yall

troybolton: GOD THAT ENTIRE SENTENCE IS JUST.... TERRIBLE

apexpredator: Me whenever Janis opens her mouth.

caddyheron: HSJSBJSBBK

why-its-janis: me when the """"president"""" speaks

ronnie: I'm using the microphone to send this text because I'm a safe driver. Even though you can all already hear me because we're in the same godforsaken car, I'm still sending this for emphasis. You are all absolutely AMAZING WE'RE AMAZING CADY SHUT UP YOU SHUT UP NO YOU SHUT UP I am TRYING to record a message but I can't even do THAT I'M GAYYYY SHUT UP JANIS BE CONSIDERATE 

gaymian: poor veronica.....

gaymian: she Never Saw It Coming

apexpredator: I hate you all.

apexpredator: Ronnie says kindly screw off. 

troybolton: "kindly"

karen-the-sexy-mouse: guys is it legal to smoke marijuana on a plane going from a state where it's illegal to smoke marijuana INTO a state where it's legal to smoke marijuana?????

gaymian: karen Asking the Real Questions

caddyheron: karen why do you need to know????

karen-the-sexy-mouse has left the chat

gaymian: KAREN IS THE RAREST CRYPTID IVE EVER SPOKEN TO WHAT IS HAPPENING

caddyheron: im so Fucking Afraid rn

gaymian: >:O

apexpredator: Cady!!!!!!

gretch-is-fetch: the best part about what just occurred is the fact that only karen can truly get cady to say a curse word That Bad

why-its-janis: Are you sure about That?

gaymian: us- what just happened  
gretcheb, an intellectual- what just occurred

gaymian: also JANIS W H A T

apexpredator: OH MY GOD JANIS STOP

troybolton: Fun History Lesson: The F Word Actually Stands For "Fornication Under Consent of the King" Which Is Why It Became Taboo

apexpredator: Why did he capitalize every word???

gaymian: taking karens place as the rarest cryptid....

caddyheron: WHY DID KAREN NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE MARIJUANA

why-its-janis: shhh just go to Sleep guys

gaymian: janis its 4 in the afternoon...

why-its-janis: Bitch Did I Stutter

caddyheron: sweetheart, darling, angel,

caddyheron: from the bottom of my heart,,,

caddyheron: shut up. 

apexpredator: JHNSKSGSJBK

why-its-janis: im actually gonna cry


	24. Stay Hydrated, Space Children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i cant believe im still writing this lol

the void, 5:32 p.m., saturday

 

why-its-janis: HELP MY SAD HOURS PLAYLIST CAME ON AND NOW IM CRYING,,,

apexpredator: Her "sad hours playlist"... I'm laughing so hard

gaymian: SWEETIE JUST TURN YOUR MUSIC OFF

why-its-janis: :// 

why-its-janis: Dont Feel Like It

gaymian: you're truly impossible.

ronnie: Hey, you guys mind if I pull over for a sec? I need some air.

caddyheron: hshshkdnsk im awake

caddyheron: its chill ronica i need 2 stretch my legs too

gaymian: but then evERYONE WILL HAVE TO GET OUT BECAUSE YOU'RE IN THE BACK????

apexpredator: Angry Damian is a truly Awful concept.

gretch-is-fetch: cursed tbh,,,

troybolton: EXIT THE VEHICLE IN AN ORDERLY FASHION AND DONT FORGET TO HYDRATE

apexpredator: I am so tired of all of you.

why-its-janis: soft regina died so long ago..... but sometimes i can still hear her voice.......yelling at me to go to fucking sleep................those were the days

caddyheron: janis what?,,

why-its-janis: like honestly if i yeeted myself off a building reginald would prolly be like "k thats calm" 

gaymian: godddd i just want to see lordeeee

apexpredator: Same. She was my Gay Awakening™️.

why-its-janis: mine was regina and her friends not even gnna deny it anymore lol

caddyheron: :O

apexpredator: Cute. 

caddyheron: JAHSJSBJSNJBHHHHHK

gaymian: Someone Save Her Shes Having A Stroke

ronnie: Hey guys, I really hate to be That Girl, but I'm totally fried from driving. Can someone else get behind the wheel the rest of the way??

apexpredator: I'll do it. Everyone else here is a Reckless Driver that can't be Trusted. 

ronnie: As expected. Thanks, Regina.

gaymian: (careless whisper plays quietly in the background) 

gaymian: theyre Lesbians, harold

apexpredator has muted the chat

caddyheron: savage af

gaymian: STOP SAYING THAT IT WAS BAD ENOUGH IN VERBAL CONVERSATIONS BUT NOW YOU BRING IT INTO THIS HOLY GC??? UNACCEPTABLE!!!!!

why-its-janis: i mean i Love caddy with my entire being but EW

gaymian: the worst part is the fact that she says it in The Weird TV Commercial Voice?? what even is that????? 

why-its-janis: HSHHHHHSJSK I KNOWWWW ITS SO WEIRD

caddyheron: i mean i think its Pretty Funny but go off i guess,,,

gaymian: *newscaster voice* and THIS NEXT STORY is totally SAVAGE AF!!! 

why-its-janis: standbackithinkimgonnavomit.mov

troybolton: have you hoes had ANYTHING TO DRINK LATELY

troybolton: HYDRATION IS IMPORTANT!!!

gaymian: everyone get back in the car and get!! hydrated!!

why-its-janis: i get my hydration from chugging cans of black paint on the daily!! stay woke everyone

troybolton: cady put your gf on a leash BLEASE

troybolton: she honestly worries me so much,,,

ronnie: Okay, is everyone in the car?

caddyheron: those bitches- in the vehicle

reginald- behind the wheel

troy- handing out waters

janis- holding my hand

everything is great we can go 

troybolton: STOP CALLINF ME THAR

ronnie: Your typos make it impossible to take you seriously..... Troy.

troybolton has muted the chat

caddyheron: Wow a Power Move

gretch-is-fetch: EVERYONE HUSH IM TRYING TO SLEEP

why-its-janis: assuming youd get ANY sleep at ALL in the same car as me, regina, and karen was your First Mistake

caddyheron: :/ yokes

caddyheron: HJSHSJJHH YIKES***

gaymian: CADY JSVSJVSJJHH

\--

the void, 8:08 p.m., saturday

 

apexpredator: BEEP BEEP BITCHES WE'RE HEREEEE

caddyheron: YES YES YES YES YES YES YES

why-its-janis: yees*

gaymian: THANK THE LORD,,,,,

ronnie: I'M REALLY EXCITED!!

why-its-janis: DOES EVERYONE HAVE THEIR TICKETS

caddyheron: YES

apexpredator: Yep!!

gaymian: yee

gretch-is-fetch: karen & i have ours!

troybolton: yea!!

ronnie: Yes!!! 

why-its-janis: LETS GO BITCHES

apexpredator: YESSSS!!!

troybolton: STAY FUCKING HYDRATED

gaymian has blocked troybolton

caddyheron: savage af

why-its-janis: END ME BLEASE

why-its-janis: extricate my lifeless body from this hellworld we call the earthly realm 

ronnie: I have So Many Questions...

 

\--

the void, 10:36 p.m., saturday

 

caddyheron: IM ACTUALY SOBBING??? SUCH BEAUTY,???? HAS NEVER GRACED MY EYES UNTIL THIS NIGHT????!! 

caddyheron: THANK YOU JANIS HSHSHB

apexpredator: HARD RT!

apexpredator: EVERYONE SEND ANY VIDEOS/PHOTOS YOU HAVE!!!

troybolton: Quit Texting We Need To Stay Together When Exiting The Venue,,,

gaymian: ok true

apexpredator: GUYS WHERE'S VERONICA

caddyheron: w h a t

why-its-janis: WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL SHE WAS JUST HERE??!!! GHSBSHSK

gretch-is-fetch: everyone hold hands so no one else gets lost!! keep an eye out for her & we'll call her when we get to the car. she's probably looking for a bathroom or smth

why-its-janis: no no no veronica cant be on her own alone in a crowd she'll lose it

why-its-janis: she has trauma & shit from junior year we Need to find her NOW

apexpredator: EVERYONE SHUT UP IM CALLING HER

gaymian: this is Awful,,, i feel so bad

apexpredator has muted the chat

caddyheron: hhhbsjsbsjnk

ronnie: Guys I'm fine, just got stuck in the crowd. Will meet you all by Regina's car. 

caddyheron: OH THANK GOD

apexpredator: I almost Died thank God you're okay!!

why-its-janis: MOM WOULDVE KILLED ME IF WE LOST YOU YOU LITTLE SHIT

why-its-janis: WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL

gaymian: janis Calm Down

ronnie: I'm sorry, it's difficult to keep track of all of you in such a crowded place. I promise I'm fine, I'll meet you guys at the car. Jesus.

caddyheron: WE'RE SO SORRY HHSVSHK

gaymian: ^^^

why-its-janis: Sorry for freaking out, you just can't disappear on us like that. You're sure you're okay??

ronnie: Yeah. 

caddyheron: lorde.jpg

caddyheron: gloryandgore.mov

caddyheron: sober.mov

apexpredator: ribs.mov

apexpredator: thequeenofmylife.jpg

ronnie: Amazing!!

\--

the void, 11:12 p.m., saturday

 

troybolton: everyone here??

apexpredator: Yep! We're ready to hit the road! 

gaymian: highkey worried abt troy driving tho,,,

why-its-janis: says Damian..... yall play too much

caddyheron: HHSHHK JANIS I JUST SNORTED WATER OUT MY NOSE

why-its-janis: i know,, im sitting right next to you???

caddyheron: oh right

ronnie: I'm more worried about Cady lol

caddyheron: IM AM TIRED OKAY??!

gaymian: "im am tired"

caddyheron: >:c

why-its-janis: just go to sleep babe

why-its-janis: u can use my shoulder as a headrest its chill <33

caddyheron has changed why-its-janis's name to theloml

theloml: <333 awww 

apexpredator: V O M I T

ronnie: I can't tell if Regina has a thing for Cady or Janis, or if she just hates it when people are love???

apexpredator: HDHSHSBJSKNKK

gaymian: RONNIE YOUVE DONE IT!!!

ronnie: ???? I'm afraid what did I do??

gaymian: U GOT REGINALD TO KEYBOARD SMASH

gretch-is-fetch: screenshotted

theloml has changed their name to space-gaylien

space-gaylien: amazing, incredible, true talent

gaymian: janis ur user!!!!!!!!

apexpredator: Iconic tbh.

apexpredator: Also, I don't "have a thing" for either of them, I just find their blatant unabashed PDA in the groupchat revolting considering they could just private message.

gaymian: THE TEA IS PIPING TONIGHT

troybolton: thats right, fuxking HYDARET

apexpredator: Is This Bitch Okay???

troybolton: No

gaymian: everyone pray for aaron 

caddyheron: hdhsbjlnk reginald keyboard smashed

space-gaylien: GO TO SLEEP 

caddyheron: no 

space-gaylien: UN BE LIEV ABLE 

apexpredator: Janis, every night- SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK

Janis, when Cady doesn't want to sleep-   
THIS IS ABSOLUTE BLASPHEMY

space-gaylien: ive been Exposed,,,


	25. Everyone Hates Windows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> evan hansen would be scandalized if he read this tbh

the void, 2:03 a.m., sunday

 

space-gaylien has changed their name to why-its-janis

why-its-janis: it felt unnatural

gaymian: i actually Can Not Believe youve waken me up for This

apexpredator: JANIS SARKISIAN GO TO SLEEP OR I WILL PERSONALLY KICK YOU OUT BEFORE YOUR MOM GETS HOME IN A WEEK

apexpredator has muted the chat

why-its-janis: SHIT

gaymian: ur on thin ice babe

gaymian: would recommend trying to sleep 11/10

why-its-janis: UM I CANT??? I CLOSE MY EYES EVERY NIGHT AND MY BRAIN IS LIKE "HEY YA KNOW IT WOULD BE RLLY COOL IF YOU COULD STAY UP FOR LIKE THREE MORE HOURS LOL" UGH

gaymian: :'( 

why-its-janis: BIG mood

caddyheron: janis im sneaking out to visit u ill be there in like 25 mins <3

gaymian: thatslovebitch.gif

why-its-janis: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH <333

ronnie: Why. WHY are you people still awake? HOW does this happen?? Why do you condone it???

apexpredator has unmuted the chat

apexpredator: Blame your cousin, dear.

apexpredator has muted the chat

ronnie: ...

ronnie: "Dear"?

caddyheron: aww theyre lesbians

ronnie: 1) I'm bi Jesus Christ 2) I barely know Regina

caddyheron: OMGGG BI GIRL SOLIDARITY <333333

ronnie: Oh? Aww <333

why-its-janis: >:0

caddyheron: open ur window, dork 

why-its-janis: :D

ronnie: Parents are yelling @ me again for "isolating myself", you guys got room for one more?? 

caddyheron: your parents yell at you at 2 in the morning?? ^._.^

ronnie: I woke them up accidentally. 

why-its-janis: aww vera <3 :( reggie can she come over pls???

gaymian: caddy is that a cat face or a surprised face??

caddyheron: surprised face ^-^

apexpredator has unmuted the chat

apexpredator: Of course you can swing by, Veronica! Just keep the Parks and Rec marathon at like 15 volume-wise because I'm trying to get back to sleep. Hope you're okay, Vera.

ronnie: 1) Thank you!!! 2) If you're gonna call me by a nickname, "Ronnie" is acceptable. "Vera" is just something Janis calls me that I don't 100% condone but allow anyway because she's practically my sister.

why-its-janis: <333 lol stay in ur lane reginald

apexpredator: I'll call you whatever I want. 

apexpredator: Just don't die on the way over, there are a lot of potholes in my neighborhood. 

ronnie: Got it ;) Will try not to die a brutal death, can't guarantee that I'll arrive in one piece though. 

apexpredator: That's tragic considering you're the only one in our friend group besides me who can pull off heels :( 

ronnie: ^._.^ 

caddyheron: yes! normalize rare emoticons!!

gaymian: every exchange reginald and ronnie have in this gc is Gay??? 

ronnie: Oh my God, stop.

gaymian: sorry i cant hear you over all the gay

why-its-janis: reginald= distinguished lesbian 

vera= distinguished bi

caddyheron: oof

caddyheron: jamwatchingparksandrec.jpg

gaymian: cuties oml

ronnie: I'm here... how do I get in??

why-its-janis: the janis door is open!!

caddyheron: window*

ronnie: Uh... can I just use the door?

caddyheron: as practical as that is, probably not. you'd wake up mrs. george, and that wouldn't be ideal... 

gaymian: rip veronica 2k18

ronnie: Ugh, fine. 

ronnie: Jesus, I hate climbing through windows.

why-its-janis: veraishere.mov

caddyheron: she looks Terrified lol veronica are u good??

ronnie: 1) I would really appreciate it if Janis could maybe NOT record me the next time I climb through a window (hopefully never). 2) No. 

caddyheron: watch parks and rec with us!! 

why-its-janis: <3

ronnie: Thanks, guys.

ronnie: You're not all totally insane, I guess. 

gaymian: the Highest Compliment!!!!!

caddyheron: ;D

why-its-janis: bobby newport is Hilarious,, i Love Him

caddyheron: janis=april; me=andy; ronnie=ann, probably; regina=leslie, only meaner; damian=tom

gaymian: An Accurate Description tbh

why-its-janis: yees x10 

why-its-janis: Also Consider: karen is chris traeger 

caddyheron: YES YES YES

why-its-janis: gretchen is ben wyatt 

gretch-is-fetch: Very Yes

gaymian: SHES HERE <333

karen-the-sexy-mouse: im not chris im karen????????????? What

why-its-janis: shh dont worry about it

caddyheron: okay but WHY DIDNT LESLIE AND ANN GET TOGETHER??!!!

gaymian: ..............The Heteros

apexpredator has unmuted the chat

apexpredator: I heard someone mention The Straights??

troybolton: im here guys

caddyheron: HSGHSVH WE SUMMONED HIM???!!!!

gaymian: rumor has it if you whisper "show me The Heteros" exactly three times at 2:34 a.m., troy bolton will appear in all his straight glory,,

troybolton: Bitch Im Pansexual

caddyheron: 1) HE ACKNOWLEDGED THAT HES TROY 2) HSHSHSHBJKKKN AARONNNN <33333

apexpredator: OH MY GOD

ronnie: Dude!! I don't know you, but nice!!!

caddyheron: WE LOVE YOU AARON

troybolton: :')

gaymian: YAY TROY <333

why-its-janis: gretchen is the Token Straight??????? also YAY TROY WE LOVE U

gretch-is-fetch: uhh Karen and I are dating as of yesterday actually

karen-the-sexy-mouse: confirmed!! :-)

gretch-is-fetch: im bi

caddyheron: HSHBSJSBSJKKLHWJSBJSBHSBSJSK 

gaymian: shes Having A Stroke

gaymian: ALSO YES YES YES GRETCHHHH <333

apexpredator: CALLED IT CALLED IT CALLED IT!!!

ronnie: AMAZING!! BI GAL SOLIDARITY <33

why-its-janis: WLW SOLIDARITY <333

caddyheron: RT RT RT

gaymian: So Much Love in this gc tonight tbh,,,, 

why-its-janis: i feel god in this group chat tonite :''')

caddyheron: sameee <333

troybolton: ily guys

gretch-is-fetch: <3333

apexpredator: CRAP MY MOM JUST CAME IN MY ROOM LIKE "I HEARD SOMETHING IN THE GUEST ROOM" SHIT SHIT

caddyheron: H E C K 

caddyheron: RONNIE AND I ARE YEETING OUT THE WINDOW

apexpredator: TAKE JAN WITH YOU MOM DOESN'T KNOW SHE'S STAYING HERE

gaymian: HHHSBSJ WAIT WHAT?!!

gaymian: H O W 

apexpredator: SHE LEAVES FOR WORK SUPER EARLY AND SHE NEVER GOES IN THE GUEST ROOM

apexpredator: Just GET OUT I'm stalling her but she wants to go check in a minute!! I'm so sorry guys! 

caddyheron: HELPING RONNIE OUT NOW

apexpredator: S H I T SHES HEADING IN THERE

gaymian: HSVSJSBSJKNKSK

troybolton: this is actually SO STRESSFUL TO READ YALL GET OUT 

ronnie: JANIS'S TIGHTS ARE CAUGHT ON THE WINDOW FRAME 

gretch-is-fetch: HHSBSJSBKK

apexpredator: Alright I'm intervening

gaymian: ???!!!!

why-its-janis: HOLY HELL REGINA JUST S C R E A M E D

caddyheron: HER MOM IS RUNNING BACK TO HER ROOM OHMYGOD

ronnie: OKAY WE GOT JANIS OUT

apexpredator: Said I saw a giant spider on my wall. Mom thinks we're both hearing/seeing things because we're tired. I'll give you guys the okay once she gets back to her room.

gretch-is-fetch: jhsjsbj thank GOD

gaymian: that. was. TERRIFYING.

caddyheron: RT I THOUGHT MY GIRLFRIEND WAS DOOMED <33

why-its-janis: oof

ronnie: I Hate Windows.

apexpredator: Okay, guys, everything's good. You can climb back in now!

ronnie: SHIT. 

ronnie: My parents are texting me freaking out. I gotta motor. 

apexpredator: Hope everything's alright. Watch out for those potholes.

ronnie: Of course. Thanks, again! 

apexpredator: No biggie. You owe me a smile tomorrow though. 

ronnie: Hmm... nah, I don't think I do.

apexpredator: I always get what I want, Vera. 

gaymian: GAY GAY GAY

apexpredator: Oh, shut up.

ronnie: Can it.


	26. Janis Goes Goat Hunting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this instead of doing my summer assignments EW

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started writing a Mean Girls Heathers AU if you guys wanna check that out!

the void, 4:23 a.m.

 

why-its-janis: wjats up bihctes 

why-its-janis: im huntign for ghsost

gaymian: ????!!!! 

apexpredator: Janis, where are you and why are you not in the house?!

caddyheron: OH SHIT

gaymian: is she high?

caddyheron: SHES ON THESE NEW SLEEP MEDS THAT MAKE HER LOOPY AS FUCK

gaymian: crap crap crap

gaymian: janis WHAT are you doing

why-its-janis: great queiostion damiam! 

gaymian: im so fucking terrified rn,,,

why-its-janis: im in tje woods! 

why-its-janis: huntibg for ghots!! 

why-its-janis: GOAT HUNTING

caddyheron: three questions- 

1) is she ghost hunting or goat hunting?  
2) WHY IS SHE DOING THIS???!  
3) WHY is "goat hunting" the ONLY SET OF WORDS SHE SPELLED CORRECTLY????!

caddyheron: conclusion: OH MY GOD REGINA PLEASE FIND HER,,,

why-its-janis: goathuntinf.mov

apexpredator: I KNOW WHERE SHE IS, THERE'S A STRETCH OF TREES BEHIND MY HOUSE-- I'M SCALING A FENCE TO FIND THIS LITTLE SHIT! THIS TRULY BETTER BE WORTH IT I AM NOT WILLING TO RISK MY LOUBOUTINS OVER THIS BITCH!!! 

gaymian: HSHHSJSBK 

caddyheron: JANIS STAY WHERE YOU ARE AND WAIT FOR REGINA

why-its-janis: Might Have Gorten Possedsd But Its Cool

gaymian: im sorry WHAT

why-its-janis: tje keypafd is movunf around everyrwhere??????

why-its-janis: AN ANGEL IN THE WOODS!!!!!!!????!!!!!

apexpredator: Found her. She thinks I'm her guardian angel. Please help.

gaymian: HSJSBSJSBJN

why-its-janis: IM BEINF ABDUCTED!!!!!!!

gaymian: Oh No......

apexpredator: It's fine. We're almost back to the house. I'm literally carrying her bridal style as she screams about ghost hunting and how important it is to our society. I hate everything. 

caddyheron: this is why i worry abt her constantly,,,

gaymian: same tbh

why-its-janis: I CLIBMED A FENCW!!!!!!

caddyheron: great job darling <3

apexpredator: She didn't. I climbed a fence. With her on my back. She is a five year old in a teenager's body. 

why-its-janis: <3333

gaymian: Wow Love Is Real???

ronnie: What the hell...

ronnie: I wake up to almost 30 missed texts and they're all about high Janis spontaneously deciding to go ghost hunting? 

caddyheron: unfortunately yes

ronnie has muted the chat

gaymian: meee

why-its-janis: bicth

apexpredator has removed why-its-janis from the chat

gaymian: Power Move!!!

caddyheron: savage af

gaymian: NVM I WANT TO STAB MYSELF NOW THANKS A LOT CADDY

\--

the void, 7:32 a.m.

 

why-its-janis: last night was Not fun

apexpredator: I can not BELIEVE you are making this about YOU! I ran FRANTICALLY through my yard, CARRIED you home, SCALED A FENCE WITH YOU ON MY BACK, and then had to stay with you all night because you were scared! Of WHAT, Janis?! WHAT WERE YOU AFRAID OF?!!

gaymian: OH MY GOD,,,

caddyheron: i...... 

why-its-janis: MY BRAIN WAS SCREWED UP I WAS ON A HIGHER DOSAGE OF SLEEP MEDS ANDDDD THEY WERE NEW SO SUE ME I GUESS GOD

apexpredator: I'm SORRY, I'm just so tired!!

why-its-janis: sorry gina :(

apexpredator: Oh hush, it's fine. You all know how I get when I miss out on sleep.

gaymian: thats Truly Genuinely Terrifying i never want to be around sleep deprived regina Ever Again,,,

caddyheron: but for real is janis okay??

why-its-janis: yeah, just exhausted

why-its-janis: at least i know the medication is crap now oof

caddyheron: :( im sorry

why-its-janis: its fine caddy,, not your fault

apexpredator: I hate to interrupt this Small Gay Moment, but WHAT ARE WE ALL DOING TODAY?? Weekends are boring alone :/

gaymian: movie marathon at my house??

apexpredator: Something Bigger.......

caddyheron: ooo i LIKE the dedication!

apexpredator: Children,,,

apexpredator: We're going to the MALL

gaymian: FRICK YEAH

caddyheron: YES MALL FOOD!!!!

why-its-janis: meh

gaymian: whomst all is going???

caddyheron: The Usual Suspects,,, gretch and karen are spending the day together & aaron is at his football guy friends' house... gross

ronnie: Can I go?? I have, like, nothing to do... oof.

apexpredator: Yes!!! The more the merrier!

gaymian: SOFT REGINALD IS TRULY ALIVE AND THRIVING!!!

apexpredator: Shut up. 

apexpredator: Is the mall even open this early though??

why-its-janis: BREAK IN BREAK IN BREAK IN

gaymian: J A N I S N O 

caddyheron: they open at 8!!!

apexpredator: Okay, I'm gonna pick all of you up now so we have time to get there and everything. If we get there super early we'll have the mall to ourselves!

gaymian: ITS EVERYTHING IVE EVER WANTED,,,

why-its-janis: caddy is the only reason im going

gaymian: >:0

ronnie: >:0

apexpredator: >:0

caddyheron: suck it losers!!

apexpredator: Jan and I are in the car now!! On our way! 

caddyheron: YEETO im getting dressed

gaymian: CADY IM GOING TO KILL YOU

why-its-janis: savage af

gaymian: J A N I S S A R K I S I A N

apexpredator: Shut UPPPP I'm DRIVING

ronnie: Should I wear blue or light blue???

why-its-janis: ur light blue blazer is Actually My Aesthetic,,

why-its-janis: but ur regular blue blazer is your Signature Look.... difficult decision

gaymian: the og blazer

gaymian: definitely

ronnie: Lol it's not a blazer I'm talking about my dresses.

why-its-janis: >:/ ew

ronnie: ootdbitches.jpg

why-its-janis: WHOA consider my ">:/ ew" REVOKED

caddyheron: YESSSS!!!!! 

why-its-janis: reginalds driving but her jaw literally dropped when i showed her the photo,,,

gaymian: THEYRE LESBIANS HAROLD

ronnie: Shut up.

caddyheron: REGINALD JUST PULLED UP IN MY DRIVEWAY AND IM LITERALLY NOT EVEN READY HHHSBJSNK

why-its-janis: caddy u look cute in everything just hurry down! 

caddyheron: <333 still stressed

gaymian: me at school 

apexpredator: GET DOWN HERE NOW CADY I'M NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER

why-its-janis: run caddy run

caddyheron: IM COMING IM SORRY??!!! 

caddyheron: JESU S,,,,,,,

why-its-janis: girlfriend- acquired

reginald- driving to ronnies house

damian- already with us bc he slept over

we are forcibly removed from the herons driveway

gaymian: STOP WITH THE FORCIBLY REMOVED MEME ITS ANCIENT

caddyheron: timeless*

gaymian: ITS LITERALLY AWFUL JUST NO

why-its-janis: magnificent*

apexpredator: Sometimes I'm like, "Why are Cady and Janis dating?" and then I remember that they literally have the exact same sense of humor because Janis had the biggest influence on Cady at the start of junior year. And then I want to die thinking about the fact that Cady COULD have been a normal human being, but Janis just ruined it.

caddyheron: ok fam 1) actually shut up 2) dont text and drive

why-its-janis: WE'RE DATING BC WE LOVE EACH OTHER YOU DIPSTICK 

caddyheron: it is true, I Do love her

gaymian: AWWW

why-its-janis: cady is like my better, prettier, more logical half

caddyheron: shut up ur gorgeous u idiot

why-its-janis: hmmm 

caddyheron: YOU ARE 

gaymian: This is So Gay 

gaymian: GROUP CHATS ARE GAY CULTURE

ronnie: RT RT RT

apexpredator: Agreed.

ronnie: Are you guys almost here??

gaymian: ye

why-its-janis: yees

gaymian: J A N I S

gaymian: S T O P


	27. A Series of Unfortunate Events ft. Janis's Stepdad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter is gonna be... wild

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pray for them

the void, 6:32 a.m. 

 

why-its-janis: whats up jake paulers

gaymian has blocked why-its-janis

why-its-janis: >:O DAMIAN

apexpredator: Janis is constantly making me question my sanity and whether or not I made the right choice by befriending her.

why-its-janis: u HAD no choice,, u owe me for making my life a living hell ;)

apexpredator: Now I remember!

caddyheron: guys blease,,, its too early for this 

why-its-janis: hmm? nothing going on here caddy :)

caddyheron: shut the whole fuck up i know exactly what ur doing you hot shady idiot

apexpredator: Oh... my God.

gaymian has unblocked why-its-janis

gaymian: roasted epic style

apexpredator: Damian FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

apexpredator: I am so SICK OF YOU SAYING THAT IN CONVERSATION WHERE IT HAS NO PURPOSE

apexpredator: THAT CURSED PHRASE HAS NO PLACE IN THIS HOLY GC

caddyheron: wow i cant believe damian just got roasted epic style??? 

why-its-janis: I LOVE YOU 

apexpredator has muted the chat

ronnie: Guys what is this?

gaymian: hell 

ronnie: I mean, true, but why are you guys texting this early?

apexpredator: Babe we have school.

ronnie: SHIT!

caddyheron: "babe"?

why-its-janis: "babe"??

gaymian: "babe"???

troybolton: "babe"????

apexpredator: Yeah? Is that not a normal pet name for a friend??

caddyheron: yeah TOTALLY PLATONIC

gaymian: "pet name for a friend"

apexpredator: Janis and Damian call each other babe all the time, quit coming for me like this.

caddyheron: thats different and YOU KNOW IT

gaymian: DANIS AND JAMIAN!!! we love each other!!!!!!

why-its-janis: POWER COUPLE POWER COUPLE POWER COUPLE

caddyheron: look what u did reginald theyre back on their bullshit,,

apexpredator: Crap. 

ronnie: I am confusion???

apexpredator: Janis and Damian are super extra about their friendship and whenever any of us bring it up they automatically become 10x More Extra. It's awful for everyone but them.

ronnie: Oh, rip.

gaymian: WLW MLM SOLIDARITY!!!

why-its-janis: PLATONIC SOULMATES!!!

gaymian: THE ONLY ICONIC DUO THE WORLD NEEDS!!!!

why-its-janis has changed gaymian's name to jamian

jamian has changed why-its-janis's name to danis

danis: <333

jamian: <333

caddyheron: i love you guys but Stop

apexpredator: I don't love you guys, but STOP.

danis: >:( 

danis has changed jamian's name to gaymian

gaymian has changed danis's name to why-its-janis

why-its-janis: HAPPY?!

caddyheron: yes <3

why-its-janis: oh, aww <333

apexpredator: janis is whipped

why-its-janis: ok true

gaymian: I am Shocked And Offended

ronnie: Me whenever Heather C speaks lol

caddyheron; ???

gaymian: whomst

ronnie: Ah, nothing. 

troybolton: COULD YOU CONCEITED FISHSTICKS STOP TEXTING FOR FIVE FLIPPING MINUTES I'M TRYING TO GET READY!!!!!!!!

gaymian: aaron snapped

why-its-janis: "CONCEITED FISHSTICKS" IM LOSING MY MINDDD

caddyheron: he really takes his time fixing his hair guys 

apexpredator: Yeah, it's this little ritual. He needs complete silence to really get in the zone.

gaymian: the fact that caddy and reginald both dated aaron and then immediately became Disaster Gays is honestly hilarious

why-its-janis: troy turns all the girls gay 

troybolton: SHUT UP IDIOT

gaymian: hes jealous

troybolton has muted the chat

ronnie: Mood of the day tbh.

caddyheron: jam can u and reginald pick me up??

why-its-janis: sure hon we're on the way <3

why-its-janis: guYS MY MOM GETS HOME TOMORROW

ronnie: OH MY GOD??! YES

gaymian: YAYYY <333

apexpredator: I know I tease Janis a lot but I'm really happy for her <333

why-its-janis: these are Prime Soft Hours,,

caddyheron: YESSS JANIS IM SO EXCITED FOR YOU BABE <333

troybolton has unmuted the chat

troybolton: YES!!! <3

gaymian: WOW SO SOFT???

apexpredator: Also thank GOD I'M FREEEEEE

gaymian: HSHSBJSBK

caddyheron: regina!! 

why-its-janis: nonono shes seriously so entitled to her relief i was a horrible housemate!! 

why-its-janis: i knocked over the shampoo bottles like Every Morning and it was HELLA LOUD

why-its-janis: i still cant believe mrs george NEVER found out i was literally Living In Her Home for the past 3 months lmao

apexpredator: Same. It's a miracle, truly. 

apexpredator: But I'm seriously So Happy your mom broke it off with that absolute shithead. 

caddyheron: sameee what an asshole

caddyheron: GUYS WE SHOULD TRACK HIM DOWN AND SLASH HIS TIRES

gaymian: HJSHSJ

gaymian: A G R E E 

apexpredator: Wait, really?

why-its-janis: im pretty sure hes still in the area,,

ronnie: Forget slashing his tires, let's slash his face. 

caddyheron: VERONICA HDBSJBSJ

ronnie: Forget I said that.

why-its-janis: HJSKSBSKBSJF 

gaymian: JANIS ASK YOUR MOM FOR HIS ADDRESS

why-its-janis: ???!!!! HOW CAN I DO THAT WITHOUT MAKING HER SUSPICIOUS 

caddyheron: just say, like,, "hey mom where exactly did ____ go anyway?" make it casual

why-its-janis: ok,,, 

why-its-janis: we're seriously gonna screw with him??

apexpredator: If you want to! Revenge is fun. 

why-its-janis: uh, okay!! ill ask her lol

ronnie: I can't believe this is Happening...

gaymian: same

gaymian: OH MY GOD GUYS CAN WE BLEASE DITCH SCHOOL TODAY TO MESS WITH JANIS'S STEPDAD??!!!

caddyheron: A STELLAR IDEA!!!!!!

apexpredator: We're all Chaotic Good today this is Truly Beautiful! 

troybolton: 1) im totally down for that 2) "blease"

why-its-janis: GUYS IM DROPPING HIS LOCATION 

why-its-janis: [>crappystepdadshouse]

apexpredator: OH MY GOD OKAY I'M PICKING UP VERA, AARON, AND CADY AND THEN WE'RE REROUTING THIS BITCH

gaymian: YESSSSS

caddyheron: ohmygod

gaymian: THIS IS MY FAVORITE THING WEVE EVER DONE

\--

the void, 8:32 a.m.

 

apexpredator: WE'RE HERE BITCHESSS

apexpredator: HE'S AT WORK RIGHT NOW SO WE CAN JUST FIND THE SPARE HOUSE KEY AND GO HAM

caddyheron: YES YES YES 

ronnie: I'm excited but also this Gives Me a Bad Feeling?? Oof

gaymian: ITLL BE FINE

gaymian: im excited,,,


	28. Vandalism And Other Crimes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> not for the faint of heart
> 
> alternate title: disaster gays make Big Mistakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *TW- the words ps*cho and cr*zy are used in a deragatory manner so if you're sensitive to that type of language, don't subject yourself to it please <3

the void, 8:40 a.m.

 

apexpredator: Hey, where are you guys?

why-its-janis: w caddy trashing his bedroom >:D

gaymian: aaron & i are in the kitchen pouring trash over everything yeet

ronnie: I'm breaking a couple windows. This guy doesn't have security cameras, does he?

apexpredator: No, his house isn't a mall lol

ronnie: Nice!

why-its-janis: trulyamasterpiece.jpg

apexpredator: OH MY GOD

gaymian: YOU GUYS ARE LEGENDS

troybolton: IM DYINGGG 

apexpredator: Okay, I'm heading to the kitchen now.

apexpredator: Did one of you just leave the house? Heard a door open.

caddyheron: uh... no? 

ronnie: No...

why-its-janis: SHIT SHIT SHIT WHY IS HE HERE

apexpredator: EVERYONE HIDE RIGHT. NOW.

ronnie: OH MY GOD

gaymian: HSJSBK OKAY AARON AND I ARE LITERALLY IN THE KITCHEN CUPBOARDS IM LOSING IT

apexpredator: I'm in a side closet in one of the back hallways! Cady, Janis??

caddyheron: we're in his closet and janis is freaking out,, like Full Panic Attack and i have to keep her quiet this is awful oh my god

apexpredator: Okay, just stay calm. This will all be fine. We'll just wait for him to leave the house again to like, get help or something.

apexpredator: Veronica where are you??

ronnie: In the kitchen. I'm fine. If you hear something weird, just don't worry about it. I've done this before. I'll call you guys out when it's safe.

ronnie has muted the chat

apexpredator: WHAT??!!

apexpredator: VERONICA WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING

apexpredator: THIS ISN'T A FUCKING JOKE

gaymian: HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT VERONICA WHAT???!!!!

caddyheron: VERONICA YOU NEED TO HIDE OR TRY TO GET OUT RIGHT NOW

caddyheron: OH MY GOD

caddyheron: WHAT. THE HELL. WAS THAT.

troybolton: VERONICA WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO

ronnie has unmuted the chat

ronnie: EVERYTHING IS FINE. 

ronnie: I knocked him out. You guys can come out now. 

apexpredator: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU

caddyheron: regina calm down!!

caddyheron: veronicas method wasnt very... moral, but now we can get out without being noticed!

ronnie: He didn't see my face, it's fine.

apexpredator: YOU CRAZY BITCH

apexpredator: YOU ABSOLUTE PSYCHO

caddyheron: REGINA, STOP!! 

gaymian: why are you flipping your shit?!! she saved our asses

apexpredator: "I've done this before", being all cryptic, fucking MUTING THE CHAT LIKE IT WAS NO BIG DEAL

apexpredator: SHE'S OBVIOUSLY GONE THROUGH SHIT ARE WE SURE WE CAN EVEN TRUST HER?! 

ronnie: Please stop

caddyheron has removed apexpredator from the chat

caddyheron has cleared the chat history

caddyheron has removed why-its-janis from the chat

caddyheron: Listen up idiots. Janis is losing her shit right now and we all just need to take a deep breath and pull everything together for her. So something shitty happened, Veronica made a bad decision. We all mess up. We just need to chill out, leave, and pretend none of this ever happened.

gaymian: cady knows whats up

troybolton: sounds like a plan. 

troybolton: what about regina??

caddyheron: She's just freaked out because of everything. We know she has trust issues, so just tread carefully around her for the next couple of hours. Hopefully she and Veronica can work things out soon, but right now, we need to get the hell out of here.

caddyheron has added apexpredator

caddyheron: Read quickly. 

apexpredator: Fine, whatever. I'm sorry for freaking out. 

ronnie: It's okay. I am kind of crazy. 

caddyheron has cleared the chat history

caddyheron has added why-its-janis

caddyheron: hey babe, ronnie kinda messed up but we can leave now without being seen. sound good?

why-its-janis: yeah. 

why-its-janis: sorry for freaking out in the closet.

caddyheron: it's totally fine; love you <3

why-its-janis: love you too <3 uh, why is the chat history cleared?

gaymian: just so our parents don't check our phones and see that we did what we did

caddyheron has cleared the chat history

why-its-janis: ah, okay

troybolton: is everyone ready to go??

caddyheron: yeah, jan and i are heading to the front now

apexpredator: In the car already. Make it quick. 

\--

apexpredator >> ronnie, 9:05 a.m.

 

apexpredator: I just want you to know how sorry I am about earlier. I completely lost control. I was awful to you when I should have been thanking you, and I'm so so sorry.

ronnie: Oh my God, really?? Regina, it's fine! I shouldn't have done what I did, I'm just really screwed up because of a bunch of crap that happened in my past and I guess it all kind of took over and influenced me. That kind of thing happens when I'm panicked or when people I care about are in danger.

apexpredator: Oh, I'm really sorry... I didn't know.

ronnie: The truth is, I don't exactly have a clean conscience. The stuff I did last year was terrible and I'm constantly guilty because of it.

apexpredator: I'm... kinda in the same position. You got a tiny taste of Junior Year Regina earlier, and I feel really bad about it.

ronnie: It's fine, trust me, I've done way worse.

ronnie has ended the chat

\--

caddyheron >> why-its-janis, 9:12 a.m.

caddyheron has named the chat 'gal pals'

caddyheron: how are you holding up??

why-its-janis: apart from the trauma of almost being caught trashing my abusive stepdad's home BY my abusive stepdad, im great 

caddyheron: i am SO SORRY that happened love

caddyheron: wanna hang out at my place and watch crappy 80s movies? 

why-its-janis: that sounds great <333 thank you for being such an amazing girlfriend

caddyheron: just giving u the love u deserve <333

why-its-janis: im not crying theres just something in my eye


	29. The Lesbian Duel Saga: A Grave Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im on vacation but i felt bad for not updating so pls enjoy this very underwhelming First Installment of an epic new chronicle within the gc

the void, 10:08 a.m.

why-its-janis: caddy im bored

why-its-janis: LOOK AT MEEE

ronnie: ...Is she okay??

apexpredator: Janis and Cady have English class together. Janis gets bored approximately every thirteen minutes and tries to get Cady to talk to her.

apexpredator: Cady sits halfway across the room.

apexpredator: You can imagine how this goes.

why-its-janis: I THOUGHT YOU LOVED MEEEEE

ronnie: .....

caddyheron: IM SORRY JANIS I HAVE TO PAY ATTENTION!!!!!!!!! <3

gaymian: HSHGSHSK JANIS WHY DID YOU D O THAT

ronnie: ??!!!!

apexpredator: Oh, and Damian is in their class too. Sometimes he gives us a play-by-play.

apexpredator: What did she do this time?

gaymian: HSHSBDJDLDGSJKSVSJ

ronnie: Did.. did she Kill Him??

gaymian: JANIS JUST THREW HER ICED COFFEE AT CADY SHSVSJSVJ

gaymian: WE ARENT EVEN ALLOWED TO HAVE DRINKS WITH US IN CLASS???!?!?!!!!

ronnie: Oh my God,,, is Cady okay??!

gaymian: YES OFC

gaymian: janis may be a vindictive bitch but she would never hurt cady

apexpredator: "may"

gaymian: if she did she would prolly fling herself into the sun

troybolton: 1) "prolly" 2) if janis ever hurt cady she would dig herself a hole and literally die in it

caddyheron: janis got her phone taken but she says its true

apexpredator: CADY LIVES EVERYONE

caddyheron: the coffee didnt even land on me lol

gaymian: Poor Charles.... he Never saw It Coming

apexpredator: Damian, your inconsistent capitalization makes me want to slit my own throat and pull my intestines out of my mouth....

ronnie has left the chat

gaymian: S H I T

gaymian: REGINALD WHY

apexpredator: ??!!! Crap

troybolton: these are sad hours you guys,,,,

troybolton has added ronnie to the chat

ronnie: Why.

gaymian: WE LOVE U BITCH

ronnie: Oh my God....

gaymian: WE AINT NEVER GONNA STOP LOVIN U

ronnie has left the chat 

gaymian: B I T C H

gaymian: oh

apexpredator: Top 10 Anime Betrayals

troybolton: 1) damian just got roasted epic style 2) is veronica actually ok 

caddyheron: SHHH IM TRYNGIN TO WORK!!!!!!!!

apexpredator: Is CADY okay???

caddyheron: F O R S T MY GIRLFRIEND THROWS ICED COFFEE AT ME,,,, N O W YOU CONCEITED FISHSTICKS WONT BE QUIET??!! MAHONGNANY!! 

caddyheron has muted the chat 

troybolton: "forst"

apexpredator: "mahongnany"

apexpredator: Poor Cady... I always thought dating Janis would have side effects but I never knew they could cause someone to become so..... Cold and Distant

gaymian: 1) you've thought about dating janis??

troybolton: 2) cady's just stressed™️ because of school

apexpredator: How did you... both do that?

gaymian: mlm telepathy

troybolton: rt

gaymian: also, i reiterate- YOUVE THOUGHT ABOUT DATING JANIS?!

apexpredator: TELL ME WHERE I SAID THAT DAMIAN

gaymian: "I always thought dating Janis would have side effects (...)" 

gaymian: conclusion: youve thought about dating janis

apexpredator: OKAY SO YEAH MAYBE 

gaymian has added ronnie to the chat

gaymian has screenshotted a message

apexpredator: W H A T THE HELL

ronnie: Oh.

caddyheron has unmuted the chat

caddyheron: E X C U S E 

gaymian: regina run!!

ronnie: This is a Nightmare.

apexpredator: IT WAS MONTHS AGO

apexpredator: BEFORE JANIS AND CADY EVEN GOT TOGETHER

apexpredator: SO YOU CAN ALL SHUT YOUR FACES

gaymian: HHSHSJNK REGINA RUN CADY JUST LEFT CLASS

apexpredator: I'm sorry WHAT

gaymian: CADY JUST R A N OUT OF CLASS WITH MURDER IN HER EYES

why-its-janis: GSHHSHSK GUY S CADY JUST GRABBED ME BY THE SHIRT COLLAR, TOOK MY PHONE FROM THE TEACHERS DESK AND R AN OUT THE DOOR WJAT IS GOIGN O N ??!?!?!!!

ronnie: Scroll up.

why-its-janis: WHHHAAAT 

apexpredator: Dear God, just take me out. 

gaymian: me when the toaster strudel doesnt cook all the way through

troybolton: ....damian are you ok

gaymian: None Of Us Are

apexpredator: HRHDJDBJ I CAN SEE CADY RUNNING DOWN THE HALLWAY TOWARDS ME WHY WHY WHY WHY

troybolton has screenshotted a message

gaymian: IVE FOLLOWED THEM OUT INTO THE HALL AND JANIS LOOKS TRULY TERRIFIED

gaymian: reginagetsroastedepicstyle.mov

troybolton: can someone PLEASE TELL ME why cady JUMPED ON TOP OF REGINA

ronnie: Love makes you do stupid things.

why-its-janis: DAMIAN HELP I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO??!!?!??!

gaymian: janissavestheday.mov

troybolton: tag yourself im cady screaming "JANIS FUCKING STOP IM DOING THIS IN THE NAME OF LOVE"

gaymian: im janis "BABE ITS GONE TOO FAR S T O P HITTING ME IM YOUR GIRLFRIEND W H A T" sarkisian

ronnie: I'm Regina screaming throughout the entire video.

gaymian: we all are

caddyheron: regina, im writign thsi as janis pulls me into the suplly closet. im sorry for attackinf you but you left me no choice,, there can Only Be One ansgsvshsbk

gaymian: did she Die???

apexpredator: Cady, enjoy your make-out session with Janis. I'm going back to class, but I'm not forgetting what happened. Janis is practically like, the cold distant sister I never had, and I think you guys are really cute together. With that being said, I'm already plotting my revenge on you for attacking me for No Reason. You won't know where, you won't know when. But once it happens, you won't have a chance.

gaymian: im Truly and Genuinely TERRIFIED

why-its-janis: bold of you to assume we were only making out 

gaymian: JANIS WHJAT THE FYCK

ronnie has muted the chat

caddyheron: REGINALD IM NOT SCARED OF YOU

caddyheron: U CANT RUN IN HEELS VERY WELL AND UR HAIR GETS IN THE WAY OF EVERYTHING U DO

apexpredator: You naive, idiotic little ray of sunshine.

apexpredator has muted the chat

troybolton: cady im writing ur eulogy

why-its-janis: REGINA SERIOUSLY?!

caddyheron: GUYS DONT WORRY I KNOW HOW TO FIGHT!!

why-its-janis: im ordering ur casket babe hang on,,,

gaymian: pray for caddy 2k18

ronnie: Can someone PLEASE tell me why I'm in this chat?! 

troybolton: YOU CANT ESCAPE 

troybolton: I TRIED TO WARN YOU

gaymian: ignore aaron he has no concept of family togetherness

gaymian: youre here bc we LOVE U 

why-its-janis: ...bitch

caddyheron: PLEASE STOP QUOTING VINES IM SO TIRED OF THEM 

gaymian: i dedicate my entire life to our lord amd savior, jesus christ, and THIS is the thanks i get?!!!

caddyheron: god i hope that wasnt another vine

ronnie: It... it was.

caddyheron: DAMIAN IM GOIGN TO KILL YOU

ronnie: I just want to sit peacefully in math without getting twenty alerts every thirty seconds. Is that really too much to ask??

gaymian: yes honey,,,


	30. The Lesbian Duel Saga: Damian is Self-Aware

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which regina proposes a competition, damian is a great life coach, and regina drives veronica to school

the void, 11:23 a.m.

gaymian: yall janis was havin a depressive episode & i told cady & she just slammed the door open and screamed "WHATS UP FUCKERS ITS TIME FOR SOME ICE CREAM" 

troybolton: i have So Many Questions

troybolton: 1) is jan ok? 2) are you with her rn?? 3) how did cady get all the way to janis's house without the ice cream melting??? 

gaymian: 1) yea shes just having a rough day 2) yes ofc i would Never leave the loml home alone when shes feelin bad 3) she drove Real Fast

caddyheron: I DID :D

ronnie: Aww Janis I hope you feel better!! <3

why-its-janis: Everything is Pain

caddyheron: babe put your phone away we're abt to binge watch disney movies <333

why-its-janis: :/ fiiine

apexpredator: We love you Janis, hope you feel better babe. 

ronnie: Soft...

apexpredator: Shut UP I AM NOT!!!

ronnie: Don't worry, it's cute.

apexpredator: :')

gaymian: ok ok but When is reginald gonna obliterate cady?? i thought she was gonna exact her revenge like a week ago but STILL NOTHING!!?!?!??

gaymian: I NEED MY DRAMA FIX!!?!?!!

apexpredator: Don't worry. It's coming.

apexpredator: Also; I have an idea. Will explain on Monday so I don't cause too many shenanigans in the chat tonight. 

gaymian: so Cryptic....

troybolton: im afraid

gretch-is-fetch: AAAAAAAA

gaymian: gretchon???

ronnie: "gretchon"

apexpredator: She's Dead...

gretch-is-fetch: NO I JU S T

gretch-is-fetch: KA REN AND I ARE AT TH E MALL AND SHE JUS T FELL IN THE FO U N TAIN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FOOD COURT HDHJDBGDHSLK

caddyheron: OH MY GOD??!!!

why-its-janis: my gf is a FREAKING hypocrite

why-its-janis: "janis put ur phone away" *texts during moana*

gaymian: CADDY SHES MAD™️

caddyheron: >:\ hmph

troybolton: 1) CADY AND JANIS FIGHTING??!! UNBELIEVABLE 2) IS KAREN ACTUALLY OKAY HHNGK

caddyheron: we are NOT FIGHTING!!!

why-its-janis: oh r e a l l y

why-its-janis: SPEAK FOR YOURSELF

caddyheron: >:0 JANIS??!!

gretch-is-fetch: karendies.mov

gaymian: B R U T A L

apexpredator: Top Ten Saddest Anime Deaths

apexpredator: But really are Janis and Cady actually fighting?? Someone screenshot!!!

gretch-is-fetch: already did #neverforget

caddyheron: JSJJSLHK WHAT I DONT WANNA FIGHT WITH HER??!!! WHAT IS HAPPENING 

why-its-janis: YOU ALWAYS ASSUME YOU GET TO MAKE ALL THE DECISIONS IN THE RELATIONSHIP AND YOU SPEAK FOR ME AND YOU STILL WONT PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY TO ACTUALLY TALK TO ME SO UMM

why-its-janis: YEAH WE'RE FIGHTING

gretch-is-fetch: ??!!! janis clam down

gretch-is-fetch: wait no,,,

gaymian: C L A M D O W N

gaymian: IM HAVING A STROKE,,,

caddyheron: WELL im soRRY OKAY YOURE JUST ALWAYS SAD™️ AND IM USED TO HAVING TO TALK FOR YOU SOOO

why-its-janis: oh WOW THAT IS RICH CADY

ronnie: She's really out here...coming for my brand...

ronnie: But seriously guys stop fighting, this is sad.

gaymian: ALEXA PLAY DESPACITO

gretch-is-fetch has blocked gaymian

ronnie: HSHSBJSBK

why-its-janis: Seriously Cady you can be so DENSE sometimes,,

caddyheron: yeah maybe thATS BECAUSE IVE LIVED IN AFRICA FOR THE PAST 16 YEARS OF MY LIF E

apexpredator: Guys this is highkey worrying me, just calm down wth??

gaymian: i cant Take This Anymore...,,

gaymian: im exposing them

gaymian: connivinggirlfriends.mov

apexpredator: They're... laughing as they type out mean texts?? Wha-

caddyheron: U JUST GOT PRANKED

why-its-janis: B I T C H

caddyheron: u guys couldnt see it but we just high-fived & it was mega cute

gretch-is-fetch: OH THANK G O D

apexpredator: JESUS CHRIST

apexpredator: I WAS LEGITIMATELY WORRIED

caddyheron: aww reginald u DO care <333

apexpredator: Only when I'm in a Soft Mood.

gretch-is-fetch: screenshotted

gaymian: REGINA FINALLY ADMITS SHES SOFT *NOT CLICKBAIT*

apexpredator: W A I T N O

apexpredator: I DIDNT MEAN TO HIT SEND??!?!?! 

why-its-janis: THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

gaymian: sweetie u were literally sobbing less than ten minutes ago,,,,

why-its-janis: SHUT YOUR FACE

caddyheron: damian oml

karen-the-sexy-mouse: guys i found SO many pennies in the fountain!!!!!!! does it count as shoplifting if i take them??

karen-the-sexy-mouse: ...guys???

\--

the void, 6:45 a.m.

 

gaymian: hey reginald u mentioned that u had an idea yesterday & uh its monday now so 

gaymian: E X P L A I N 

caddyheron: ooo rt!! im scared but excited

why-its-janis: i am in a tremendous amount of emotional pain and exhaustion so i feel like i have the right to DEMAND ANSWERS

apexpredator: Okay, okay- so Cady tried to fight me because she thought I liked Janis in the same way she does (which I don't) and I was reflecting on it, and I came up with this: Cady and Janis are dating, but what if Janis could fake "date" me and turn it into a competition? Best girlfriend/fake girlfriend wins???

gaymian: oooo

gaymian: but wouldnt she be biased towards cady??

apexpredator: Seeing as Cady doesn't get easily offended and Janis has known me for years, I don't think she would be biased. She has a close bond with both of us.

gaymian: OOO IDEA!! all of the rest of us could be judges! 

apexpredator: Yes! So nothing is unfair! 

caddyheron: hmmm theoretically this is fine,,

caddyheron: but what do u mean by "wins"?? what do we win?? do we get a prize???

gaymian: the fact that THAT is her one concern is BEAUTIFUL

apexpredator: A gift card to the pie shop.

caddyheron: OKAY IM IN

gaymian: jshshsgsh 

why-its-janis: i mean,, sure i guess?? im not opposed to it

apexpredator: Great! Let me drive you to school <3

caddyheron: >:OOO

gaymian: IM LAUGHING SO HARD

ronnie: Hm. I don't Like This.

gaymian: Oh honey.. message me on private real quick

\--

ronnie >> gaymian, 6:54 a.m.

 

ronnie: Yeah??

gaymian: three words

gaymian: big. 

gaymian: gay.

gaymian: crush.

ronnie: Was I that obvious?

gaymian: YES!! 

gaymian: dont worry im here 2 help hon

gaymian: regina is rlly kind and caring but she can be super Dense and Oblivious,,,

gaymian: so chances are she hasnt noticed u like her

gaymian: just be more Out There with it,, you gotta make a move or she'll literally just wallow in her Lonely Lesbian Sadness forever

ronnie: Ugh, okay.

ronnie: Thanks, Damian.

gaymian: dont mention it <3 

\--

caddyheron >> why-its-janis, 6:58 a.m.

 

caddyheron: so youre sure youre fine w this??? 

caddyheron: its just for fun but i dont want u to be uncomfy or anything,,,

why-its-janis: ofc! it's fine, i'm actually kinda excited to see who's gonna win.

caddyheron: ok but Off The Record,,,,,

caddyheron: BLEASE PUT IN A GOOD WORD FOR ME I NEED THAT PIE GIFT CARD

why-its-janis: b a b e

why-its-janis: if you dont win i'll literally take u to the pie shop & buy you pie myself,, 

why-its-janis: okay?

caddyheron: I Love You So Much

caddyheron: blease dont fall in love with reginald,,, oh my God

why-its-janis: honey shes like my sister dont worry about it

why-its-janis: i love you and no one else is gonna change that 

caddyheron: WOW IS SOMEONE CHOPPING ONIONS??? IM SOBBING

why-its-janis: me in AP human geo when we have a test

caddyheron: HSHHSJNK 

\--

ronnie >> apexpredator, 7:03 a.m.

 

ronnie: This is exceptionally bad timing but um... I think I like you as more than a friend and I totally get it if you don't feel the same way, I just had to get it out.

apexpredator: Holy SHIT

ronnie: Is that a good or bad "holy shit"??

apexpredator: GOOD GOOD GOOD

apexpredator: IS THIS A J O K E

ronnie: NO??!! I DON'T MAKE JOKES??!?!?!

apexpredator: OH MY GOD?!!?!!!!! DUDE BE MY GIRLFRIEND WHAT THE HECK

ronnie: AAAAHHH OKAY!!!!

ronnie: WOW I'M GAY

apexpredator: SAME??!!

apexpredator: Forget driving JANIS to school, I'm picking YOU up!!

ronnie: HSHSHSBJKKKSKBN YES OKAY

apexpredator: GSHSHHSVHJLBJK

\--

the void, 7:12 a.m.

 

apexpredator: girlfriend.jpg

caddyheron: its a picture of veronica i dont get it????

why-its-janis: cady,,, babe,,,,

caddyheron: OH

caddyheron: OHHH MY GOD!?!???!

gaymian: YES YES YES I KNEW IT

troybolton: so let me get this straight,,, cady is dating janis, but janis is fake-dating regina, whos dating veronica?

gaymian: """straight"""

caddyheron: yes its simple??? god aaron keep up

ronnie: I'M LAUGHING SO HARD

apexpredator: Also, Cady- you might wanna pick Janis up, I'm driving Veronica to school instead of you.

why-its-janis: BITCH

gaymian: this is so sad alexa play revenge party

caddyheron: what?? 

caddyheron: also im omw janis <333

why-is-janis: god bless


	31. We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Program For This Wild Ride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i stg if anyone leaves another HECKING comment abt the heathers paradox i have goin on here i am GOING TO SCREAM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the summary is a joke im not mad,,,
> 
> just upset with myself for allowing This to Happen

the void, 11:37 p.m.

 

caddyheron: yall help janis is passed out on my lap and i NEED SLEEP but if i move ILL WAKE HER UP HHNJSNK

gaymian: janis is asleep at 11:30?? sounds fake...

troybolton: "yall"

caddyheron: GUYS SHUT UP THIS IS IMPORTAN T

apexpredator: Janis is a really heavy sleeper actually so you should be fine, just don't jostle her too much. And before any of you say a WORD,,, I ONLY know this for a fact because I've had sleepovers with Jan since we were seven. Once, I knocked my bedside lamp onto the floor and almost caught the bedsheets on fire and Janis stayed asleep. It was in sixth grade, I might still have the video on my phone.

caddyheron: gay update im moving her beside me,,, all is good so far

gaymian: REGINALD BLEASE SEND THE VIDEO JSHSHBSJHK

troybolton: "blease"

apexpredator: theincident.mov

gaymian: HSHGSGSGSVHILJKK

gaymian: tag yourself im regina frantically trying to climb over janis and extinguish the fire

troybolton: im the dog

apexpredator: Ah, yes.. I remember Egg. He was very skittish. 

caddyheron: 1) UR DOGS NAME WAS EGG?!!!?!!! 2) im the fire lmao

gaymian: cady genuinely worries me sometimes...,,

troybolton: same tbh

apexpredator: Shut up I named him when I was four!!!

ronnie: I named my cat JFK. Like, after John F. Kennedy. Regina has nothing to worry about.

gaymian: O H M Y G O D

gaymian: JFK IM WHEEZING

apexpredator: That's so cute wtf

apexpredator: Ur such a nerd

ronnie: I could probably kill all of you if I tried. Only I'M allowed to make jokes about my seventh-grade self.

gaymian: HSHSGHJ

why-its-janis: jokes on u caddy i wasnt asleep :3c

gaymian: PUT that FUCKING THING AWAY!!!

apexpredator: Screenshotted.

caddyheron: wow im dumping u jam

why-its-janis: NOOO

caddyheron: >;-)

caddyheron: also D A M I A N 

caddyheron: L A N G U A G W

troybolton: ....languagw

caddyheron has changed troybolton's name to traitor

traitor: i'll take it

traitor has changed caddyheron's name to queenoftypos

queenoftypos: SLANDER TO MY GOOD NAME

why-its-janis has changed queenoftypos's name to caddyheron

caddyheron: T H A N K YOU

why-its-janis has changed traitor's name to genericwhiteboy69

caddyheron: wow im un-dumping u <3

why-its-janis: ily aw

genericwhiteboy69: i am SHOCKED AND OFFENDED

genericwhiteboy69 has changed their name to aaron

gaymian: e n o u g h

gaymian has changed genericwhiteboy69's name to troybolton

troybolton: ...this is fine

ronnie: Me having a panic attack

gaymian: OOF

why-its-janis: accurate though

apexpredator: This is so sad, Alexa play Toxic by Britney Spears.

gaymian: HJSHSJK YES REGINA

gaymian: but u murdered the aesthetic of that meme,,, ew

gaymian: proper punctuation and grammar?? DISGUSTEN

caddyheron: G U Y S 

caddyheron: IS THE 

why-its-janis: take ur time sweetheart

caddyheron: IS T HE NEXT APHG TES T  
TOMORRO W??!?!?!!!

apexpredator: Oh, HELL no!

gaymian: YES and u juST REMIND ED ME HSHSHBNNNK

caddyheron: G O D THIS IS NOT OKAY 

why-its-janis: logical, reasonable part of my brain: janis you should study just don't overdo it because cramming doesn't work! 

inner me: EITHER PULL AN ALL-NIGHTER OR SKIP

gaymian: janis n o

caddyheron: dw im with her & i will Prevent Her From Doing Anything Bad

caddyheron: we're just gonna look over flashcards for an hour and then go to bed

caddyheron: if u guys wanna come over & study im droppin the location <3

caddyheron: [myhouse.png]

ronnie: AAAAA THANK YOU!!!

apexpredator: Yo Ronnie want me to drive you?

ronnie: YES YES YES

apexpredator: Fantastic, on my way! <333

ronnie: <333

gaymian: gayyy

troybolton: says damian,,,

gaymian: hhhsbjnk also if any of u need rides i can assist

gretch-is-fetch: HOLY HECK I JUST SAW ALL OF THIS AND UHHH CAN I COME TOO???!?! IM FREAKIN OUT

caddyheron: lol ofc!!! and dw we're all freaking out gretch

gretch-is-fetch: aaaa okay thank u!!!!!!

gretch-is-fetch has changed their name to gretch-is-dumb

gaymian: HONEY NO,,,

why-its-janis: I Will Not Stand For This

why-its-janis has changed gretch-is-dumb's name to gretch-is-fetch

gretch-is-fetch: IM GONNA FAIL TMRW 

gretch-is-fetch: YOU GUYS ARE ALL SMART AND DONT HAVE TO WORRY AS MUCH AS I DO ABT THIS CLASS,,

gretch-is-fetch: IF MY C DROPS TO A D MY MOM WILL LITERALLY MURDER ME

why-its-janis: GRETCHEN.

gretch-is-fetch: hhshsjbk what

why-its-janis: YOU ARE SMART. You just have to work a bit harder than the rest of us in THIS PARTICULAR SUBJECT, which is COMPLETELY NORMAL AND VALID! AP classes are brutal and they're not for everyone!! Human Geography is BORING and hard for most people to understand! It's fine that you have a C, a C is average and anyone who shames you for that is the stupid one. This is one grade in one class and your mom will STILL BE PROUD OF YOU, because you're awesome. Just take a deep breath, alright? We'll help you study tonight, it'll be okay.

gaymian: the softest text to ever GRACE this holy chat,,, 

gretch-is-fetch: oh my god thank you sm janis??? <333

why-its-janis: its no big deal! i get test anxiety too and cady just has to remind me to calm down and look at the big picture sometimes, so i get how u feel

caddyheron: awww janis that was so sweet <3 dont worry gretchen youll b fine

apexpredator: Janis is nicer than I thought. 

ronnie: Thanks for picking me up, Regina!

apexpredator: Lmao it's no problem! I haven't gotten to your house yet tho, don't get ahead of yourself with the thank-yous ;)

ronnie: Sorry WHAT

ronnie: UMM THEN TELL ME WHY IM IN A CAR RIGHT NOW??!! 

apexpredator: WHAT THE FUCK OH MY GOD

apexpredator: VERONICA IM NOT EVEN IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD 

gaymian: ohhh no oh no oh no

ronnie: I WAS WONDERING WHY YOU DIDNT SAY HI OR ANYTHING WHAT THE HELL DO I DO

ronnie: IM IN THE BACKSEAT AND WERE SPEEDING UP AND HSHSHHG I CANT CALL THE POLICE BECAUSE THEYLL FREAKING HEAR ME

apexpredator: Ok, ok, just take a deep breath. Tell me what street you're on, I'm dialing 911 now. 

ronnie: [location.png]

gaymian: oh my god 

caddyheron: wait whats going on??

gaymian: SCROLL UP

caddyheron: HGJDNSJ VERONICA!!?!?!!!

ronnie: THEYRE NOT SAYING ANYTHING AND IM TERRIFIED

apexpredator: It's gonna be okay just try to get a good look at their face

ronnie: Oh God

ronnie: Regina don't call the police

gaymian: ???!!

ronnie: It's my ex.

caddyheron: ??!!!!!!??!?!?! 

ronnie: Which doesn't make any SENSE because the last time I saw him he had a BOMB STRAPPED TO HIS CHEST

ronnie: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS

apexpredator: OH MY GOD WH A T

apexpredator: WHY SHOULD I NOT CALL THE POLICE?!??!!!?!

ronnie: ITS VERY VERY COMPLICATED

ronnie: I COULD GET ROPED INTO SOME BIG TROUBLE WITH THE COPS IF THIS IDIOT CONFESSES TO ANYTHING IN THE PAST

ronnie: THIS BITCH IS SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD JESUS CHRIST

ronnie: Okay I'm done with this bullshit

ronnie: This idiot left a metal pipe in the goddamn floorboards. If I don't reply in like ten minutes, make sure my eulogy is kick-ass. 

caddyheron: VERONICA UMM NO????!?!

apexpredator: WHAT THE HELL

ronnie: Alright, knocked him out. Regina, dw about picking me up. I'm stealing his lame-ass car. 

caddyheron: ?!?!????!!!!! W H A T

ronnie: proofthatthisisme.jpg

apexpredator: VERONICA WHAT THE 

ronnie: Don't worry abt it it's chill. 

caddyheron: i

why-its-janis: .....

why-its-janis has cleared the chat history

troybolton: mood


	32. The Fourth Wall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a new character makes an appearance

the void, 1:32 a.m.

 

why-its-janis has changed their name to dying

dying: h e l p im still awake

caddyheron: WHAT THE HECK JANIS

dying: I CANT SLEEP AND THE TEST IS TOMORROW IM LITERALLY DYING CADY

caddyheron: hon its gonna be fineee quit worrying okay

caddyheron: you know the material and its only 15% of our grade

caddyheron: https://youtu.be/xoirXUhEpIo

caddyheron: theyre rain sounds to help u sleep

caddyheron: is your mom home??

dying: no shes working the night shift

caddyheron: alrighty im coming over

dying: ???!! cady go back to sleep

caddyheron: HUSH im doing it in the name of love

dying: nerd

caddyheron: <3 

gretch-is-fetch: hhhdhsvksbsksbsknksnk

gretch-is-fetch has changed the group name to 'hell'

gretch-is-fetch: IVE BEEN STUDYING ALL NIGHT LORD BEER ME STRENGTH

caddyheron: 1) GRETCHEN GO TO SLEEP 2) AN OFFICE QUOTEEE

dying: big mood gretchen

dying: wanna skip today

gaymian: GUYS!!! n o

gaymian: WE. ARE. NOT. SKIPPING.

apexpredator: I heard skipping??

troybolton: you called?

caddyheron: HHSHSHBK NO!!!

ronnie: Wait, we're skipping tomorrow???

gaymian: N O !!!!!

caddyheron: WE ARE N O T

dying: wow suddenly i cant read??? haha crazy how the world works #wild

gaymian: I HATE YOU JANIS

gaymian: YOURE LITERALLY NOT GONNA GRADUATE BC YOUVE MISSED SO MANY DAYS

dying: I M S O R R Y

ronnie: I actually want to do this!! I've never really skipped with you guys before but I've heard it's rlly wild can we ple a s e

gaymian: ABSOLUTELY NOT YOUNG LADY

caddyheron: dad???

gaymian: /sighs/ yes dear?

dying: wait wtf is this

apexpredator: I don't know, but I hate it.

caddyheron: CHILLAX

gaymian: I CANT LET MY CHILDREN SKIP

dying: damian youre the same age as us-

gaymian: SHUT UP!!!

troybolton: iM SCREAM ING DI D DAMIAN AND CADY JUST ROLE PLaY??!!!

dying: its fine troy she does it w me all the time ;)

apexpredator has removed dying from the chat

gaymian: THANK GOD

caddyheron: ACTUALLY I DONT SHES LYING EVERYONE!!!!!! 

ronnie: .......

ronnie has left the chat

gaymian: VERONICA NOOOO

gaymian has added ronnie to the chat

ronnie: I'll only stay if I can invite someone!! >:/

gaymian: F I N E OKAY

ronnie has added heather-macaroni to the chat

heather-macaroni: ???veronica what

apexpredator: Hi!! Welcome to Hell :)) 

gaymian: what she means is The Best Group Chat On Earth 

apexpredator: Damian, look at the group name.

gaymian: ....oh.

heather-macaroni: ????! ronnie what

ronnie: Heather, these are my friends from Northshore. They're actually really nice!

dying has rejoined the chat

dying: GUESSSSS WHAT BITCHES?!! MY KICK E X P I R E D

dying: oh hi heather

heather-macaroni: hi janis!!! congrats on being let back in!!!!

caddyheron: ????how did she know it was janis??????

heather-macaroni: typing style & word usage,,, plus her username lol

caddyheron: aND JUST TO CLEAR THINGS UP~

troybolton: ~

gaymian: ~

apexpredator: ~

caddyheron: S T O P

caddyheron: JANIS AND I DO N O T ROLEPLAY I HAVE NO IDEA WHY SHE SAID THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dying: to make u mad >:3c

gaymian: JANIS STOP USING THAT EMOTICON

troybolton: ^^^yes BLEASE

dying: >:3c why???

apexpredator: IT MAKES THEM UNCOMFORTABLE!! 

apexpredator: And me. It makes me uncomfortable.

dying: ugh fine

caddyheron: open ur HECKING WINDOW

dying: uwu okay <3

caddyheron: nvm bye

dying: CADY NOOOO <33333 

gaymian: *titanic theme on recorder*

gretch-is-fetch: hey guys im Dying please help,,,,

karen-the-sexy-mouse: omg gretchie are u ok???!

gaymian: the fact that karen ONLY shows up when gretchen is distressed is a Big Gay Mood

heather-macaroni: aw gretchen are you alright?

heather-macaroni: i dont know you but i read some of the earlier texts (hope u dont mind oh no) and i get what ur feelin

gretch-is-fetch: i cant stop crying im gonna fail ughhhghghh

karen-the-sexy-mouse: :0 no u wont!!! ur smart!!!! glasses emoji, books emoji, heart emoji!!!!!!!!!!

gaymian: why did she.... Spell Them Out????

karen-the-sexy-mouse has changed gretch-is-fetch's name to gretch-is-smart-and-beautiful

gaymian: WOW SOFT

troybolton: gretch, you'll be fine. just get some sleep. <333

gretch-is-smart-and-beautiful: thanks guys.... im just rlly worried :/ sorry for being annoying tonight oof 

gretch-is-smart-and-beautiful has muted the chat

gaymian: poor child,,, :( 

\--

hell, 6:32 a.m.

 

caddyheron has changed the group name to 'none of us are straight'

caddyheron: me- this test is gonna be fine!!! ive studied and im ready to make a good grade!!!!

my crippling anxiety- but What If U Dont.....

dying has changed their name to jam

jam: darling youve literally never made a B in this class youre gonna ace it!!! <333

gretch-is-beautiful-and-smart has changed their name to gretch-is-fetch

gretch-is-fetch: WHO WANTS TO SKIP WITH ME

ronnie: YES

heather-macaroni: VERONICA NO

caddyheron: GRETCHEN NO

jam: oh boy,,,, gretch chillax youre gonna be fine

jam: see u hoes in class xoxo

gaymian: g o s s i p g i r l

caddyheron: daMIAN WHYYY

apexpredator: I love one (1) man!!!

\--

none of us are straight, 8:34 a.m.

 

caddyheron: HGSHSGHSKBK WHY DID GRETCHEN JUST GET UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE T E S T

caddyheron: w h a t i s s h e p l a n n i n g

gaymian: i dont know,,, but do any of you guys have #24???

caddyheron: >:O DAMIAN!!

jam: rt i Dont Get It

apexpredator: It's C. Always pick C.

ronnie: Regina, it's B.

apexpredator: Oh shit nvm,,,

troybolton: ??!?!?!!! I GOT D WHAT IS HAPPENIN G

caddyheron: G U Y S S T O P

caddyheron: THIS IS CHEATING!!!!

jam: anything is cheating if u try hard enough

caddyheron: ???? 1) that literally made no sense 2) I JUST SAW GRETCHEN OUT THE WINDOW?!?!?!!! OUTSIDE?!!!!!!!!

gaymian: WAIT W A IT I JUST SAW HER JSHSHBKK 

gretch-is-fetch: BYEEE

caddyheron: GRETCHEN N O

caddyheron: G R E T C H E N

gretch-is-fetch: im just gonna say i was sick lol anyone wanna come with??

ronnie: Ooo! I'm done with my test; Just gonna turn it in & then go to the "bathroom". Will meet you outside Gretshsgjbklknk

gaymian: a moment of silence for our fallen warrior... :'(

apexpredator: HHHH THE TEACHER IS GONNA SEE OUR TEXTS AND THEN SHE'LL KNOW THAT GRETCHEN IS SKIPPING JHHHHJGJHKHK

caddyheron: UMMM AND THAT YOU GUYS WERE C H E A T I N G ?!???!

heather-macaroni: u guys are wild lol!!

jam has cleared the chat history

caddyheron: T H A N K 

jam has cleared the chat history

\--

jam >> caddyheron, apexpredator, gaymian, gretch-is-fetch, troybolton, karen-the-sexy-mouse, and heather-macaroni, 9:05 a.m.

jam has named the chat 'rip veronica 2k18'

gaymian: this is so sad alexa play someone gets hurt (reprise)

caddyheron: 1) my gf is so smart wow i love her 2) damian you keep naming weird songs?? what is that from?

gaymian: ....a musical

jam: awww thanks caddy ilyt <333

heather-macaroni: wait wait wait im so confused,,,, have you guys not seen mean girls? 

jam: ive never heard of it????

heather-macaroni: you actually have the same name as one of the characters, its really cool!! so basically this new girl moves to this school (i cant remember the name?? whoops) and gets involved with these two cliques, the plastics and these two outcasts janis and damian

heather-macaroni: you guys LITERALLY have the same names it's sooo weird! 

jam: um What The Fuck? 

jam: is this a prank lol??? 

heather-macaroni: wait what is it?

jam: did veronica put you up to this??

caddyheron: im SO confused,,

puppetmaster has joined the chat

caddyheron: uhhh... whomst??

jam: they were never in our chat, it's probably like a weird bot or glitch or something??

jam has removed puppetmaster from the chat

puppetmaster has joined the chat

puppetmaster has locked the chat

caddyheron: locked???

gaymian: uhh w h a t

puppetmaster: Hello. 

jam: bitch

caddyheron: JANIS! :0

puppetmaster: Due to an error in the fourth wall, my system has alerted me of this group chat. I thought about implementing some cautionary measures when Veronica Sawyer made an appearance, but I figured the preexisting malware installed would take care of any discoveries you might have made were the blockers not in place. I was correct, but I overestimated the strength of the blockers. It's come to my attention that you are all experiencing some mild confusion relating to your existence in the time-space continuum. As the Puppet Master, it is my duty to relieve you of any concerns and to install stronger malware to prevent this from  
happening in the future. 

puppetmaster has frozen the chat

puppetmaster has set the time to 8:34 a.m.

puppetmaster has cleared the chat history

puppetmaster has cleared caddyheron's cache

puppetmaster has cleared jam's cache

puppetmaster has cleared gaymian's cache

puppetmaster has cleared apexpredator's cache

puppetmaster has cleared gretch-is-fetch's cache

puppetmaster has cleared karen-the-sexy-mouse's cache

puppetmaster has cleared troybolton's cache

puppetmaster has cleared heather-macaroni's cache 

puppetmaster has cleared ronnie's cache

puppetmaster has terminated the chat

puppetmaster has created 'the void, 8:34 a.m.'

\--

the void, 8:34 a.m.

 

caddyheron: HGSHSGHSKBK WHY DID GRETCHEN JUST GET UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE T E S T

caddyheron: w h a t i s s h e p l a n n i n g

gaymian: i dont know,,, but do any of you guys have #24???

caddyheron: >:O DAMIAN!!

jam: rt i Dont Get It

apexpredator: It's C. Always pick C.

ronnie: Regina, it's B.

apexpredator: Oh shit nvm,,,

troybolton: ??!?!?!!! I GOT D WHAT IS HAPPENIN G

caddyheron: G U Y S S T O P

caddyheron: THIS IS CHEATING!!!!

jam: anything is cheating if u try hard enough

caddyheron: ???? 1) that literally made no sense 2) I JUST SAW GRETCHEN OUT THE WINDOW?!?!?!!! OUTSIDE?!!!!!!!!

gaymian: WAIT W A IT I JUST SAW HER JSHSHBKK 

gretch-is-fetch: BYEEE

caddyheron: GRETCHEN N O

caddyheron: G R E T C H E N

gretch-is-fetch: im just gonna say i was sick lol anyone wanna come with??

caddyheron: NOOO OMG!!! GRETCHEN SKIPPING IS BAD

jam: says cady, who's literally skipped with us seven times this year

caddyheron: SHUT YOUR FACE

gaymian: >:O dont speak to her in that manner!!!

apexpredator: You're all dumb and gay. Goodbye.

apexpredator has muted the chat

gaymian: :'''(

caddyheron: *sad kazoo music*

gretch-is-fetch: im getting pie yall

jam: NOOO NOT WITHOUT MEEEEE

gaymian: "yall"

troybolton: BRING SOME TO LUNCH!!!

gretch-is-fetch: urmissingout.jpg

caddyheron: GRETCHEN GET BACK HERE

caddyheron: MRS PETERS IS ASKING WHERE YOU ARE HHSHSBJK

gretch-is-fetch: lol no

gaymian: we have a Chaotic Evil in our midst,,,, 

troybolton: y i k e s


	33. Error 7465 - MONITOR DAILY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> be careful what you say online

the void, 2:34 p.m.

 

jam: u guys who wants to sneak into mrs peters' classroom w me after school to get my nintendo from her desk??

caddyheron: i feel like i should just clarify for the sake of everyone else in this chat that i DO NOT CONDONE THIS,,,

caddyheron: but yes ill go

troybolton: janis,,, why were you on a nintendo ds at school??? why do you even still HAVE one??! 

jam: i have my secrets like u have urs, aaron

jam: and Y E S !!!! CADDY IS RLLY MY FAVE

gaymian: i shall go as well,, in support of my favorite gfs

apexpredator: >:O

ronnie: Bitch.

apexpredator: What about me and Veronica??!

gaymian: ....meh

ronnie: I'm here and I'm ANGRY!!

jam: sorry u guys just... arent as Cute

gaymian: its true,, its because you have your shit together

apexpredator: Says who?!

ronnie: I'll have you all know I am the LEAST put-together person in this chat!! 

ronnie: This is Fucking Blasphemy!!!!

apexpredator: ^^^

troybolton: can yall BLEASE refrain from texting rn im in C L A S S 

jam: ummm so am i :// your point?

troybolton has muted the chat

jam: weak

caddyheron: guys,,, karen just started her presentation by saying "in conclusion," because her cue cards were mixed up hhshhsbk

jam: she has cue cards???

caddyheron: hhhsjn YES I WAS HOLDING THEM and then she just,,, KEPT READING THEM IN THE WRONG ORDER

caddyheron: atleastshescute.mov

gaymian: brutal tbh

jam: IM IN VISUAL ARTS II AND I JUST LAUGHED SO HARD THAT I ACCIDENTALLY LAUNCHED MY PAINTBRUSH ACROSS THE ROOM LIKE A FREAKING MISSLE AHSSHSJBKKSKJ

apexpredator: Finally, Janis gets what she deserves!

ronnie: Agreed. 

jam: this is BLATANT homophobia

caddyheron: hey thats biphobic!

gaymian: I AM SO CONFUSED???

jam: GOD damian ur so biphobic 

caddyheron: >:( yeah DAMIAN

gaymian: ???!!! okay then,,

heather-macaroni: heyy guys can i add a friend of mine?? shes super bored rn and my old chat with her is dead

caddyheron: ofc!! the more the merrier :)

jam: YES more children!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sacrifice is imminent, prepare for the final reckoning >:)

gaymian: im calling 911 wtf janis

heather-macaroni has added greenwithenvy to the chat

greenwithenvy has changed their name to heatherduke

heatherduke: Hello.

gaymian: youre both named heather?? thats weird lol,,, its giving me deja vu for some reason lmao

jam: she needs a better name!!!

jam has changed heatherduke's name to heatherdick

heatherdick: I don't like this one.

jam: u dont like the name??

heatherdick: No, I meant that I don't like /you/ :-) 

jam: >:0

heather-macaroni has changed heatherdick's name to moby-duke

moby-duke: Alright. Acceptable.

moby-duke: So what're your names?

jam: janis (token lesbian of the group bc reginald doesnt count) 

apexpredator: Regina! (Veronica's girlfriend) And Janis,, how can I "not count"?? I'm literally gay???

jam: u bullied me for three years because u thought i was gay

jam: u Dont Count

apexpredator: ...Fair enough. 

caddyheron: im cady and im dating janis and shes lovely <333

apexpredator: Ew.

gaymian: regina u LITERALLY introduced urself as "veronica's girlfriend" u dont have the right to say "ew" tbh

apexpredator: Alright, fine. 

apexpredator: Gross.

gaymian: hhshsjnkk

gaymian: im damian btw!

troybolton: aaron ;)

gaymian: ok BLOCKED

caddyheron: HSJHSJKH IGNORE HIM

moby-duke: Will do. 

gretch-is-fetch: im gretchen!! nice to meet u :)

moby-duke: Aww, nice to meet you as well. :-) 

gretch-is-fetch: is your user a moby dick reference?? i love that book!

moby-duke: HHNG YES I THOUGHT PEOPLE WOULD B CONFUSED??!

gretch-is-fetch: AAA ok so i Had To Read it for summer reading two years ago but i actually ended up LOVING IT,,, AnD NO ONE ELSE DOES

moby-duke: OHMYGOD I KNOWWW IT'S SO ANNOYING

gaymian: why does she give her smileys noses??? it unnerves me...,, SO much

jam: damian shhh we're witnessing a union of souls,,

\--

the void, 4:32 p.m.

 

caddyheron: jaddy and canis are Sneakin into mrs peters classroom 2 retrieve a ds,,, this is ur Play By Play commentary courtesy of cgagskkhj

gaymian: wow i cant believe cady just died??

jam: she ran into the wall bc she was looking at her phone lol

caddyheron: weentertheclassroom.mov

caddyheron: we unlocked the door with the janitors key janis stole at the beginning of the year #legends

gaymian: im actually So Worried for yall

troybolton: yall

apexpredator: Y'all

gretch-is-fetch: yall

caddyheron: yall

jam: shut UPPPP im trying to find my ds,,,

jam: my precious child,,,,

gaymian: janis for REAL scares me sometimes,,

caddyheron: rt

caddyheron: hhhHhhhHHJSBSK THE DOOR JUST CLOSED

troybolton: WHAT?!

caddyheron: WE'RE LOCKED IN HHSJHSJJBK

apexpredator: You IDIOTS! 

apexpredator: Alright, look for a goddamn window.

jam: THERE! ARE! NO! WINDOWS! IN! MRS! PETERS! ROOM! 

jam: helpus.jpg

caddyheron: can someone p l e a s e come pick us up??!! i can slide the key under the door BLEASE YOU GUYS,,

heather-macaroni: THIS IS SO FUNNY IM SORRY??!! YOU GUYS ARE INSANE

moby-duke: Now I understand what you meant by "lovable idiots"...

caddyheron: HEY UHMM ANSWER MY QUESTION YOU HOES

gaymian: i miss when cady used to be polite....

troybolton: same,, it was so nice

caddyheron: CAN ONE OF U PICK US UP

troybolton: yep, driving over now

jam: AARON THIS IS JANIS I LOVE U IM SORRY I EVER TOOK U FOR GRANTED <333333 IM SO SORRY WE'RE DRAGGING YOU INTO OUR BS <333

gaymian: soFT??!!?!!

troybolton: haha janis dw abt it! you guys are great lol

gaymian: IM LOVING THIS DYNAMIC!!!

jam: shut uP damian we're not characters! 

gaymian: ......

gaymian: ya okay

caddyheron: HHHHSGSHSVJK I HATE THIS JANIS DID YOU AT LEAST FIND YOUR FREAKING DS 

jam: hey, everything's gonna be fine! and yes, i found it. just breathe caddy ur fine okay?? 

caddyheron: this! is! freaking! me! out!!! and i forgot to take my anxiety meds this morning soo hsgshhjkkjsk UGH

gaymian: awww cady it's gonna be fine <3

caddyheron: sorry im just Anxious™️ its probably really annoying,,,

\--

jam >> caddyheron, 4:43 p.m.

 

jam: you! are! NOT! annoying!

jam: i'm really sorry i dragged you into this babe, i feel awful. just relax, we're gonna get out and we're not gonna get in any trouble, okay?

caddyheron: okay.. and it's not ur fault, i agreed to go with u. thanks for being so understanding, ilysm <333

jam: ilyt <333 come over here 

caddyheron: fine, dork

jam: >:0 im Shocked and Offended

caddyheron: sureee

caddyheron: <333

jam: <333

\--

the void, 5:01 p.m.

 

troybolton: theyreokay.jpg

gaymian: YESSS 

apexpredator: Darn it. 

jam: HHHSBSJBKK regiNALD

moby-duke: The fact that they got themselves locked in a teacher's classroom for almost an hour just to get a Nintendo DS back is honestly so concerning to me. 

apexpredator: Hard RT, pray for them!

ronnie: Lmao I just read through all of this & I'm dying,,,

ronnie: This is Truly the content I signed up for when I befriended you guys tbh

gaymian: oh BIG MOOD

moby-duke: Guys, are any of you into theatre?

gaymian: YE SYES Y ES

caddyheron: damian IMMEDIATELY has a stroke

jam: a moment of silence :'(....

moby-duke: Oh, awesome!! So I'm listening to this musical and the characters LITERALLY have the same names as you guys??!! It's CREEPY hold on! Sending a link!! 

moby-duke has been terminated

puppetmaster has frozen the chat

puppetmaster has cleared caddyheron's cache

puppetmaster has cleared jam's cache

puppetmaster has cleared gaymian's cache

puppetmaster has cleared gretch-is-fetch's cache

puppetmaster has cleared apexpredator's cache

puppetmaster has cleared karen-the-sexy-mouse's cache

puppetmaster has cleared troybolton's cache

puppetmaster has cleared ronnie's cache

puppetmaster has cleared heather-macaroni's cache

puppetmaster has marked the chat as 'error 7465- monitor daily'

puppetmaster has left the chat

\--

the void, 5:15 p.m.

 

caddyheron: damian BLEASE stop saying "big mood" to everything it makes me crave death,,,

gaymian: BIG MOOD

jam: enlarged emotion

troybolton: i Regret saving her....

gaymian: big mood

apexpredator has blocked gaymian

caddyheron: HHHSJSBJK REGINALD NOOO


	34. Karen Breaks A Mechanical Horse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and other shenanigans

the void, 10:32 a.m.

 

apexpredator: What's up, biotches! Me and Ronnie wanna know if anyone wants to come on a triple date with us to the mall!

caddyheron: janis and i will go! :)

jam: NOOOOOOO

caddyheron: yes.

jam: NO!!!

caddyheron: y...yes??

jam: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

caddyheron: youre going and THAT IS FINAL

gaymian: S P I C Y 

jam: FINE but i WONT be happy aboot it

caddyheron: are yall ever gonna let that typo Die??

troybolton: YALL

caddyheron: >:0

gaymian: no its Too Good,,,

caddyheron: h e c k

gretchen: OOO KAREN AND I WILL GO

karen-the-sexy-mouse: yea!! <3 

gaymian: awww :')

gaymian: i m s o a l o n e

troybolton: big mood ngl

apexpredator: Meet you guys there!!

apexpredator: Damian, Aaron, you guys should come with us!

caddyheron: NO!!!

apexpredator: ???

caddyheron: GIRLS DAY GIRLS DAY GIRLS DAY

jam: love u damian but ^^^^!!!

gaymian: just a minute ago janis refused to even go, now shes vehemently agreeing with cady??? #whipped

troybolton: "#whipped" IM CHOKING HHSHDJDJKS

jam: SHUT U P DAMIAN

caddyheron: awwwww~

troybolton: ~

jam: ~

gaymian: ~

apexpredator: ~

ronnie: MY EYESSS

ronnie: IT BURNSSSSS

caddyheron: shut up guys >:( 

jam: yall yall yall im drivivngggggg and cadys freaking out hahaha

gaymian: I Am Beyond Worried

troybolton: she.... she said "yall" THREE TIMES FOR EMPHASIS

caddyheron: I TRIED TO GET IN THE DRIVERS SEAT BUT SHE PUSHED ME ACROSS THE CONSOLE

gaymian: HHSHSJJNSKNKJGF

jam: hAAAHSGSYHSBSJKHJ

apexpredator: ???!!?!!?!!!!

caddyheron: i took her phone and hurled it in the backseat

apexpredator: Oh. Ronnie and I are on our way.

gaymian: i REALLY feel like veronica needs a better nickname,,,

gaymian has changed ronnie's name to vroomonica.soysauce

vroomonica.soysauce: WHY. 

troybolton: i like it! it has a ring to it ;)

gaymian: EW

vroomonica.soysauce has muted the chat

caddyheron: savage af

gaymian: STOPPPPPP

karen-the-sexy-mouse: WE'RE HEREEEE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS??!

apexpredator: By the foodcourt :)

gretch-is-fetch: hang on one sec regina, karen wants to ride one of the little fake cars that you have to insert a quarter into

gaymian: INCREDIBLE

gretch-is-fetch: acutie.mov

troybolton: karen is The Purest

caddyheron: >:0

caddyheron: also we're here!!

gaymian: cady we've BEEN OVER THIS

gaymian: YOU. HAVE. BEEN. CORRUPTED.

jam: sorry ;)

gaymian has blocked jam

troybolton: OH MY GOD

gretch-is-fetch: HHHH GUYS KAREN JUST FELL

vroomonica.soysauce has unmuted the chat

vroomonica.soysauce: RIP 

jam: DAMIAN UNBLOCK ME RIGHT NOW!!!!

caddyheron: damian janis says UNBLOCK HER RIGHT NOW!!!!

gaymian: .....

gaymian has unblocked jam

troybolton: #whipped

caddyheron: HHNGGDHDHKKSKJ

gaymian has changed jam's name to why-its-janis

gaymian: it was bugging me

why-its-janis: :')

apexpredator: Veronica and I will be making fun of the Hot Topic employees to their faces if you need us.

troybolton: L E G E N D A R Y 

why-its-janis: cady wants to go in bath and body works BLEASE SEND HELP

troybolton: ????

gaymian: janis detests bath & body works bc of the bright colors and "annoying workers" 

why-its-janis: THEY'RE ALWAYS LIKE,

why-its-janis: "HOWS YOUR DAY?" 

why-its-janis: LIKE ??????!!!!!! 

why-its-janis: I DONT KNOW GET OFF MY BACK LINDA ??!??!?!?!??!!

caddyheron: :)))) hows ur day janis

why-its-janis: g-good <3

gaymian: GOD i hate them

troybolton: mig bood

gaymian has reported troybolton's account 

gaymian has blocked troybolton

gaymian has muted the chat

troybolton: me when the pizza people get my order wrong

apexpredator: "pizza people" I... I can't.

vroomonica.soysauce: GUYS REGINA JUST KNOCKED OVER AN ENTIRE DISPLAY CASE????!!!!!! H E L P

caddyheron: HHHHNGGG WHA T

vroomonica.soysauce: JSHJSHJ OKAY SO WE WERE IN HOT TOPIC

gaymian: a story that starts with that sentence can Never end well,,,

troybolton: tot hopic

gaymian: i know He said something Stupid....

gaymian: janis what did He Say

why-its-janis: screenshot.jpg

gaymian: That Bitch

vroomonica.soysauce: We were IN HOT TOPIC,,, and we were holding hands and this employee looks at us All Weird for about five minutes and finally goes, 

gaymian: you were in hot topic for FIVE WJOLE MINUTES??

caddyheron: "wjole"

vroomonica.soysauce: HE GOES,,,, "So are you two like.... sisters?" anD REGINA WHIPS AROUND AND !!!!KNOCKS!!!! AN ENTIRE DISPLAY CASE OVER AND NOW

vroomonica.soysauce: WE ARE RUNNING THROUGH THE MALL

vroomonica.soysauce: THE GUY CALLED SECURITY,,,

gaymian: OH MY GOD HSHGSHKF

why-its-janis: OHMYGOD IS THAT WHY THE LITTLE SIRENS ARE GOING OFF??!?!!?!!!

apexpredator: Y E S

karen-the-sexy-mouse: oh!! i thought that was because i broke the mechanical horse! :)) lol

troybolton: freaking PRAY FOR THEM 

caddyheron: HHHH GUYS ME AND JANIS JUST SAW YOU WE'RE YEETING OVER

gaymian: this chat has so much manic energy im literally on the edge of my seat,,,

gretch-is-fetch: KAREN AND I ARE RUNNING OVER TOO!!

gretch-is-fetch: EVERYONE FORM A HUMAN SHEILD AROUND REGINA!!!

troybolton: oh,,,, My God

caddyheron: humansheild.jpg

gaymian: IT GOT BETTER

caddyheron: HHHSHSJBK I FEEL LIKE WE'RE THAT ONE VIDEO OF THAT GUY WITH ALL THOSE GIRLS FOLLOWING HIM AND HES JUST YELLING "LETS GO LESBIANS LETS GO" 

caddyheron: WE ARE LITERALLY RUNNING THROUGH THE MALL RN

caddyheron: letsgolesbians.mov

gaymian: I ALWAYS MISS THESE THINGS

gaymian: IM SO MA D

vroomonica.soysauce: OHHHH MY GOD THE EMPLOYEE FROM HOT TOPIC IS LITERALLY CHASING US WHATTTT THE HECK

why-its-janis: HHSHHSBSJSGJKJGSK

\--

the void, 1:32 p.m.

apexpredator: .........

apexpredator: So we're banned from the mall

gaymian: HHHHJSHSJSHSJGDJDBKKJ

caddyheron: >:'( nice going reginald

apexpredator: THAT EMPLOYEE SHOCKED AND OFFENDED ME I !!!HAD TO!!!

caddyheron: Did Not

apexpredator: ...You make a good point.

why-its-janis: i hated that place anyway

why-its-janis: life really just be like that sometimes yall

gaymian has blocked why-its-janis


	35. The Other Chats ft. Teen Rebellion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ive been wanting to add more chats between the characters in here so uhh
> 
> here we go

danis and jamian, 8:45 a.m.

 

jamian: janis wake the !!HECK!! up

danis: language, thot >:0 

jamian: oh my g o d stop,,

danis: so why did u need me to wake the h*ck up??

jamian: UMMM okay so this is gonna sound crazyyy but uhhh

jamian: i think i m ig ht have a tiny crush on aaron??? 

danis: WHAT

jamian: I DONT KNOW IM FREAKING OUT

danis: D A M I A N 

jamian: WHAT

danis: YOU HAVE TO UNBLOCK HIM

jamian: oh my god i forgot i did that,,,

danis: *rolls my eyes into the next dimension*

jamian has blocked danis

danis: THIS IS TREASON

danis: T R E A S O N 

danis: unblock me

danis: damian unblock me

danis: DAMIAN!!!

danis: .....

\--

gal pals, 8:49 a.m.

 

artfreak: caddy dear blease do me the honor of asking damian to unblock me

junglefreak: ....

junglefreak: what did you do

artfreak: not important

junglefreak: janis did you use the astericks???

artfreak: .......

artfreak: JUST ASK HIM BLEASE

artfreak: I CANT GO ON LIKE THIS

junglefreak: the things you make me do for you honestly,,,,

artfreak: OHMYGOD I LOVE YOU!!!!!

junglefreak: lol love u too <3

artfreak: wanna come over later??

junglefreak: ONLY if we can watch the lion king and paint <333

artfreak: i like that u threw "and paint" in there so i would agree

artfreak: Very Clever,,,..... maybe ive taught u Too Well

junglefreak: AND WE CAN MAKE OUT

artfreak: NVM IM SOLD PACK UR BAGS 

\--

send vines, 9:02 a.m.

 

bibibi: DAMIAN

relentlesslygay: W H A T

bibibi: JANIS SAYS UNBLOCK HER

relentlesslygay: SHE USED THE ASTERICKS

bibibi: I KNOW

bibibi: UNBLOCK HER ANYWAY

relentlesslygay: WHY

bibibi: uhh... she Loves You???

relentlesslygay: AWWWW 

bibibi: GOD youre in such a codependent relationship

relentlesslygay: SHES MY PLATONIC SOULMATE CADDY

relentlesslygay: NO ONE UNDERSTANDS US!!!

bibibi: >:/ 

relentlesslygay: ALSO YOU BROKE THE ALL CAPS THREAD SO,,, YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

bibibi: NO

bibibi: DAMIAN NO BLEASE,,,

relentlesslygay: IM SORRY THEYRE OUR RULES 

relentlesslygay has muted the chat

bibibi: DAMIAN WAIT,,,

bibibi: ill never type in lowercase again!!!

bibibi: WAIT NO,,, W H Y 

bibibi: IM SO STUPID

\--

revenge party, 9:15 a.m.

nowthatsaparty has unblocked spacealien

spacealien: PRAISE GOD

nowthatsaparty: have u learned ur lesson???

spacealien: HHHSHSBSKBK YES

caddycaddycaddy: DAMIAN HUBBARD I HAVE A BONE TO PICK WITH YOU

spacealien: oh my god BLEASE tell me you guys are done with the 'all caps' thread,,,

nowthatsaparty: yep

caddycaddycaddy: NO WE ARE NOT!!!!!!

caddycaddycaddy: >:(((((

spacealien: oh boy

spacealien: p.s. cady open the janis door

caddycaddycaddy: window's open <3

nowthatsaparty: "p.s."

caddycaddycaddy: "the janis door"

\--

the boys are back in town, 9:17 a.m.

 

aaron: UNBLOCK ME YOU FIEND

aaron: im bored,,, 

gaymian has unblocked aaron

gaymian: happy?

aaron: YESSS

aaron: CHECK THE MAIN CHAT HHSHSHJK

\--

the void, 9:18 a.m.

 

apexpredator: IT WASN'T MY FAULT VERONICA

vroomonica.soysauce: IT LITERALLY WAS

gaymian: hi i just got here what the HECK IS GOING ON 

caddyheron: a Fite

apexpredator: I DIDN'T M E A N TO KNOCK OVER THE DISPLAY CASE

vroomonica.soysauce: 1) YES YOU D I D

vroomonica.soysauce: 2) EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T, YOU STILL DID IT, WHICH MAKES IT YOUR FAULT ANYWAY

gaymian: oh Heck she right....

vroomonica.soysauce has changed their name to ronnie

ronnie: I'M SORRY FOR FREAKING OUT I JUST REALLY ENJOY THE MALL

apexpredator: ME TOO, OKAY?!!! 

apexpredator: WANNA GO SNEAK IN???

ronnie: RIGHT NOW??!

apexpredator: YES!!

ronnie: UHH OKAY SEE YOU THERE!!!!

gaymian: what. just. happened.

troybolton: The Worst Decision Theyve Ever Made

troybolton: We Have To Stop Them...

gaymian: aaron im omw to pick u up we're GOING TO THE MALL

karen-the-sexy-mouse: CAN I GO I WANNA RIDE THE MECHANICAL HORSE AGAIN

gretch-is-fetch: karen.... you Broke The Horse

karen-the-sexy-mouse: oh..... right :'(

karen-the-sexy-mouse: CAN I STILL GO?! >:D

gaymian: no sweetie they banned you

karen-the-sexy-mouse: ....o h 

caddyheron: a moment of silence for our fallen hero <333

\--

gal pals, 9:25 a.m.

 

junglefreak: Are You Thinkin What Im Thinkin

artfreak: ......

artfreak: we follow damian and aaron to the mall?

junglefreak: YES 

junglefreak: THIS IS WHY I LOVE U

artfreak: <333 :D

junglefreak: ok oK IM DRIVING

artfreak: H*CK

\--

the void, 9:30 a.m.

 

apexpredator: Can someone Please Explain why I just saw Cady and Janis running through the mall holding hands???

gaymian: 1) gay

gaymian: 2) THEYRE AT THE MALL?!!!

ronnie: Yes hahaha

troybolton: THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER HHSHDHJDNK

gretch-is-fetch: good luck yall

troybolton: I HATE THEMMM

gaymian: "yall"


	36. The Angst Train Is On Its Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> buckle up kiddos

the void, 3:01 a.m.

 

caddyheron: gUY S

caddyheron: I N E E D HEL P

why-its-janis: ??!!!!!!

caddyheron: mY C AT BROUGHt A MOUSE IN MY ROOM BUT ITS ALIVE AND IT RAN UNDE R THE COUcH AND MY CAT IS CRYING REALLY LOUD AND ITS G OIN G TO WAKE Up mY PA R E N TS

gaymian: cady what the fuck.

gaymian: JUST GET YOUR CAT OUT OF YOUR ROOM???

caddyheron: I AM T R Y I N G, DAMIAN!

why-its-janis: babe this is sad

why-its-janis: just find the mouse and release it outside,,,

caddyheron: I C A N T FIND THE MOUSE, JANIS!!!

caddyheron: ITS UNDER THE SOFA

apexpredator: What the hell it's 3 a.m.! 

caddyheron: i am SORRY, RE G I N A!

ronnie: Big yikes! 

apexpredator: Never say that again, Ronnie.

ronnie: >:/

caddyheron: HHHSJSNJG MY CAT JUST HIT ME IN THE FAC E ??!?!?!!!

why-its-janis: that Bitch

troybolton: WHAT IS THE MEANING OF ALL THIS RUCKUS. 

apexpredator: I hate everything about this God just take me out,,,

gaymian: big mood regina

troybolton: mig bood

gaymian: S T O P I T

caddyheron: MY CAT JUST SCRATCHED ME IN THE FACE

why-its-janis: that abSOLUTE B I T C H

caddyheron: HELPJGSUSGHEGH

gaymian: ....??!!!

apexpredator has muted the chat

gretch-is-fetch: regina thats cold!! also CADY ARE YOU OKAY?!

why-its-janis: BABE?!?!??!!!

gaymian: .....?? cady???

troybolton: guys...,, its too late.....

troybolton: ...Shes Gone.......

why-its-janis: bold of u to assume cady hasnt been dead this whole time and the texts we're receiving arent merely from her cat trying to impersonate her

gaymian: this is too much

troybolton: I Agree Wholeheartedly

caddyheron: GUYS IM BACK EVERYTHINGS FINE

why-its-janis: we need proof

caddyheron: JANIS?!!

why-its-janis: GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT

caddyheron: proofitsme.jpg

gaymian: okay can we all go to sleep now??

caddyheron: NO theres a mouse loose in my house!!!

apexpredator: Cute poem. Goodnight! 

caddyheron: NO YOU GUYS HAVE TO HELP MEEEE 

why-its-janis: ily but no thanks <333 gn

caddyheron: GUYS W A I T

caddyheron: UGHHGHGHGHHHH

\--

why-its-janis >> apexpredator, 4:23 a.m.

 

why-its-janis: i know its early but the house is so quiet and my mom is on another business trip and im alone and sad

why-its-janis: i just dont know why any of you tolerate me

why-its-janis: im gonna try to sleep so i dont start crying again goodnight

\--

apexpredator >> caddyheron, 7:34 a.m.

 

apexpredator: I'm worried about Janis.

\--

the void, 8:03 a.m.

 

why-its-janis: Rise and Shine, Bitches

troybolton: whos ur fave mario character???

apexpredator: Hi, yeah, what the FUCK is going on?

gaymian: me in ap human geography

gaymian: but uhhh @ janis why did u send me angsty messages at 5 a.m.??

why-its-janis: HECK those went through???

apexpredator: Yes.

why-its-janis: UH BYE

why-its-janis has left the chat

troybolton has added why-its-janis to the chat

why-its-janis: im moderately upset with u rn >:/

troybolton: oh no my life is ruined :///

caddyheron: JANI S I JUS TGOT HERE ARE YOU OKAY???!!!! <333

why-its-janis: ew no thanks 

why-its-janis has left the chat

gaymian: What... The Heckiddy Heck

apexpredator: 1) Damian you've just been blocked 2) WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HER???

caddyheron: im really worried??? 

troybolton has added why-its-janis to the chat

why-its-janis: N O

gaymian has locked the chat

why-its-janis: IF THIS IS A JOKE ITS NOT FUNNY 

gaymian: ???! janis whats wrong

why-its-janis: can you guys, like,, stop pretending to care? it sucks

caddyheron: WE DO CARE??!?!!!! do you hear yourself?!!!

troybolton: my fave mario character has GOT to be luigi

troybolton: luigi has the most bde out of All Of Them

apexpredator has reported troybolton's account

apexpredator has blocked troybolton

why-its-janis: a Whole Mood tbh,,

why-its-janis: but seriously guys i want out

gaymian: ???? hell no we love you

why-its-janis: WHY

why-its-janis: WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT ME, DAMIAN?! 

apexpredator: Janis, what brought all this on?

why-its-janis: YOU REALLY WANNA KNOW, REGINA? SERIOUSLY?!

apexpredator: Yes! I think you owe us that, given the fact that you're scaring us to death right now!

why-its-janis: Fine. I saw your little private chat with Cady about how clingy I can get. I get it, y'know? It's fine. I don't really like me either, so. 

caddyheron: WHAT

why-its-janis: screenshots.jpg

why-its-janis: Yeah. I decided to send you guys prank messages from Cady's phone while she was in the bathroom at our movie night the other day. Saw the whole conversation, sent myself screenshots because I'm a petty bitch. You can stop pretending to like me now, Cady. Party's over. 

caddyheron: JANIS JUST LISTEN TO ME YOU DONT KNOW THE WHOLE STORY

gaymian: i... ouch. 

why-its-janis: Can someone unlock the chat so I can leave??? 

troybolton has unlocked the chat

apexpredator: Just listen to Cady. Please, she can explain. 

why-its-janis: Shut up.

why-its-janis has left the chat

troybolton: .....

troybolton: anyways whats ur fave mario character

gaymian: who's* you obstinate poser

caddyheron: UMMM IM FREAKING OUT?!??!!!!!!?!?!!! IT WAS RLLY LATE WHEN I SENT THOSE TEXTS TO REGINA AND I WAS A LITTLE DRUNK AND I DIDNT MEAN THEM BUT JANIS ISNT GONNA BELIEVE ME AND

caddyheron: I LOVE HER

gaymian: whoa. cady, calm down. its gonna be fine.

apexpredator: Seconded. She'll come around, babe. Just give it time and try to explain yourself once she's done being Angry.

caddyheron: ,,, f i n e

caddyheron: i Hate This though 

gaymian: <3 

gaymian: also PRINCESS PEACH FOR THE WIN

apexpredator has blocked gaymian


	37. Let's Go Lesbians (Actually I'm Bi)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> if u were a bug what bug would u be?? i would b a beetle idk i just think theyre rad

the void, 9:32 a.m.

 

gaymian: so...

troybolton: hey have you guys seen-

apexpredator: SHUT UP AARON.

apexpredator has added why-its-janis to the chat

why-its-janis has changed apexpredator's name to bitch

bitch: Fair enough.

bitch has locked the chat

why-its-janis: bitch x2

gaymian: jan we just wanna talk to u :(

why-its-janis: damian you can message me on private but im not talking here. sorry.

caddyheron: JANIS LISTEN

why-its-janis: shit where did you come from

caddyheron: IT WAS REALLY LATE AT NIGHT AND I WAS DRUNK AND I DIDNT EVEN MEAN WHAT I SAID

why-its-janis: trust me, ive heard those excuses a million times. you arent special.

gaymian: just LISTEN TO HER.

why-its-janis: WHO ARE YOU, MY MOTHER?!

caddyheron: I LOVE YOU.

troybolton: so are we all still doin movie night on friday or....,,??

why-its-janis: Are you sure about that, Cady? Because when I read those texts it sure as hell didn't feel like it.

caddyheron: OF COURSE I'M SURE!! I'm literally in love with you, you idiot! You're funny and smart and beautiful and you don't take shit from anyone and you are SO FREAKING TALENTED. 

why-its-janis: i.... oh.

gaymian: LETS GO LESBIANS LETS GO

caddyheron: ACTUALLY IM BI!!!!!!!

gaymian: H E C K

troybolton: hoes are we DOING MOVIE NIGHT OR WHAT

why-its-janis: YES

caddyheron: HHSHGSJSJK??!?!?!!!!

why-its-janis: ugh i GUESS im not mad anymore?? but its ONLY bc youre a total sap,,

gaymian: HECK YES

gaymian: LETS GO LESBIANS!!!!!!!!

why-its-janis: SHES BI

caddyheron: IM BI

bitch: ...You're all useless. Can't even stay mad at each other for over two days.

why-its-janis: shut up we're in love >:/

why-its-janis: also im sorry for being a jerk to everyone here ughh

why-its-janis has changed bitch's name to apexpredator

apexpredator: Thanks! I hate it

caddyheron: its ok janis lol we kinda deserved it :// 

why-its-janis: no u didnt,,

why-its-janis: well....,

why-its-janis: maybe reginald but no one else!!

apexpredator: Gee, thanks!

troybolton: guys did u know u can get high on mouthwash???

gaymian: i... 

gaymian has blocked troybolton

troybolton: he blocked me dodnt he

caddyheron: "dodnt he"

caddyheron: and yes lol

why-its-janis: ...? 

troybolton: WHO HERE DARES ME TO DRINK TWO CAPS OF MOUTHWASH

gaymian: i just know this bitch asked a stupid question

caddyheron: screenshots.jpg

gaymian: christ

why-its-janis: TROY NO

troybolton: wow i cant believe u guys are makign me do this!!

apexpredator has muted the chat

caddyheron: savage af

caddyheron: also AARON STOP

troybolton: I Did It

gaymian: he did it didnt he???

caddyheron: ......

why-its-janis: yes lmao

ronnie: Bug Mood tbh

caddyheron: "bug mood"

ronnie: W A I T N O

troybolton: if u were a bug what bug would u be!!!!!!!

ronnie: I hate this

caddyheron: I WOULD BE A LADYBUG BC THEYRE RED AND CUTE AND THEY BRING GOOD LUCK I LOVE THEM SM

why-its-janis: id be a bee bc theyll sting u if you screw them over and theyre declining at an alarming rate

caddyheron: ....are u okay?

why-its-janis: lol yea im just kidding id be a praying mantis cos the girl ones bite off their husbands faces lol 

caddyheron has muted the chat

troybolton: ouch

troybolton: bug mood tho

ronnie: S T O P PROFITING OFF MY DISGRACE

apexpredator: Ily but BUG MOOD??? I'M CRYING

ronnie: Shut Up Regina

troybolton: spimcy

gaymian has unblocked troybolton

gaymian: what the hell

troybolton: SPIMCY

gaymian: SPICY*

troybolton: SPIMCY*

gaymian: ur hopeless

troybolton: so is our economy ;0

ronnie: TRUE


	38. Dora Bandaids Fix Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its the truth

the void, 10:23 p.m.

 

why-its-janis: regina is a furry

apexpredator: March 7 2023 you will regret saying that.

why-its-janis: is tha t..... is that my deathdate?

apexpredator: Maybe...

why-its-janis: can we maybe move it up a bit??? mayhaps tomorrow????

apexpredator: I'll think about it.

gaymian: janis's sleeping patterns? whack. regina's inability to control her wrath? whack. this whole conversation? whack.

troybolton: if u were a tumbleweed how fast would u tumble!!!!!! 

gaymian has blocked troybolton

caddyheron: whats up fidget spinners i have ~anxiety~

ronnie: A Whole Mood

ronnie: Also please never utter the phrase "what's up fidget spinners" again that literally took a decade off my lifespan. 

caddyheron: me- *trying 2 sleep*

my brain- hey he y whAT IF WE'RE ALL LIVING IN A SIMULATION AND YOUR ENTIRE LIFE NOTHING HAS EVER MATTERED OH WAIT NOTHING MATTERS ANYWAY BECAUSE TIME IS RELATIVE AND EXISTENCE IS FLEETING ALSO DID I MENTION DEATH IS INEVITABLE DEATH DEATH DEATH

caddyheron: this is a cry for help I Am Struggling :)))

why-its-janis: cady sweetheart message me on private

caddyheron: ghhsjsbjk ok

gaymian: im worried abt her??? what The H*ck

apexpredator: It's okay... Prolly

gretch-is-fetch: hey gays whats crackalackin' 

karen-the-sexy-mouse: my Bones

gaymian: ^^ im so worried about Both of Them????

gaymian has unblocked troybolton

gaymian: have u Seen This???? 

troybolton: yesn't

gaymian: ex....cUSE me? 

troybolton: ya ive seen it

troybolton: #wild

gaymian: What Have We Done To Him

apexpredator: Ruined him.

ronnie: True true

\--

gal pals, 10:34 p.m.

 

caddyheron: im sorry abt earlier im just freaked out 

caddyheron: i just cant stop thinking about how none of us really matter in the long run because we're all gonna die anyway and i dont know what happens after that and it scares me so much

why-its-janis: oh cady,, 

why-its-janis: i know how you feel babe do you want me to come over???

caddyheron: its late...

why-its-janis: im fine with that. i just wanna be there for you.

caddyheron: okay <3 love you

why-its-janis: <3333 i love you too

\--

the void, 10:40 

 

why-its-janis: gay update im biking over to cady's •3•

apexpredator: Get Rid Of That Face Please

why-its-janis: funny u never denied ur claims of being a furry,,,

apexpredator: I AM NOT A FURRY JANIS

gaymian: jam run!!

why-its-janis: iM ON A BIKE YOu IDIOT HSGHSKH HNGHGS

gaymian: ...janis??? 

apexpredator: I just Know she fell. That stupid gay.

caddyheron: JANIS ARE YOU OKAY

why-its-janis: hi my bones hurt

why-its-janis: oof.jpg

caddyheron: I KNOW WHERE U ARE IM RUNNJNG OVER HANF ON

apexpredator: Honestly ur OTP could NEVER,,,

caddyheron: I AM THREE HOUSES AWAYYSHJNKK

caddyheron: alottadamage.jpg

gaymian: MY CHILD 

gaymian: WOT HAPPENED

why-its-janis: i hit a rock and flew over the handlebars

troybolton: "wot happened"

troybolton: janis is a mood all the time tbh

caddyheron: SHE WONT STOP COMPLAININGF ABT THE BANDAIDS IM USIGN ??? LIKE S HUT U P

why-its-janis: UMM IM SORRY I HATE DORA BANDAIDS??? LIKE EXCU S EM E

caddyheron: im carrying her bridal style back 2 my house lol

gaymian: cute but her bike???

why-its-janis: he shall Perish

why-its-janis: He Wronged Me

apexpredator: Janis you are terrifying.

why-its-janis: thamk

why-its-janis: selfie.jpg

gaymian: cady looks 10000% Done

caddyheron: its cos im tryign to carry my gf a block to my house >:// but go off i guess

why-its-janis: I Love You

caddyheron: ilyt,, but pls shut up abt the bandaids

why-its-janis: no

\--

the void, 2:31 a.m.

 

why-its-janis: RISE AND SHINE KIDS

troybolton: if u were a tumbleweed how fast would u tumble!!!!!

why-its-janis: 90 mph

gaymian: hi what the H*CK is going on here

why-its-janis: DAMIAN QUICK! if u were a tumbleweed how fast would u tumble??

troybolton: !!!!!!*

why-its-janis: its a QUESTION you uncultured child

gaymian: i... cant deal with this

gaymian has muted the chat

troybolton: mig bood tbh

caddyheron: WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY

troybolton: my last brain cell in calculus

ronnie: Me when I see homophobics online...

why-its-janis: me when the slightest inconvenience befalls me

caddyheron has muted the chat

apexpredator: I pray every night for you obstinate fricks to just Go To Sleep. I never get what I want.

ronnie: ^^^

troybolton: if regina wos a tumbleweed how fast would she tumble!!!!!

ronnie: "Wos"

apexpredator: On May 17 2024 you will regret saying that.

troybolton: sweet my death date!!!!


	39. A Hypothetical Date (Sorta)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey i cant believe ive written 40 chapters of this mess
> 
> thank u all for the support <3

the void, 2:25 a.m.

 

why-its-janis: even when im physically not in an airport im always emotionally in one

why-its-janis: catch me astral projecting into airports at 2 am #wild

gaymian: GO TO SLEEP

why-its-janis: suddenly i cant read?? wrow

caddyheron: im BEGGING YOU

caddyheron: DAMIAN SHES AT MY HOUSE AND SHE WONT BE QUIET

why-its-janis: I AM IN AN AIRPORT ACTUAKLLY

apexpredator has muted the chat

ronnie: Is it weird that I understand what Janis is saying?? She's talking about liminal space and how being in certain spaces can make reality feel altered. Usually these places are thresholds such as stairwells, elevators, empty art galleries, empty schools during summer, and airports.

why-its-janis: i AM the airport

ronnie: Nvm she's just an idiot.

caddyheron: IM DYING I NEED SLEEP JANIS BLEASE STOP SINGING THE KIM POSSIBLE THEME

gaymian has muted the chat

caddyheron: DAMIAN N O

why-its-janis: im sorry ily cadds i just Cant Sleep ;(

caddyheron: put ur phone away & come over here <3

\--

the void, 6:34 a.m.

 

caddyheron: hey kids me and jan are gonna get to school late today but we'll b there before lunch!!

troybolton: ok mom

gaymian: ??

caddyheron: janis is rlly tired so we're sleeping in

gaymian: janis? any morning commentary for us??

why-its-janis: Pain

ronnie: Mig bood.

apexpredator: VERA I'M T H I S CLOSE TO DUMPING YOU

ronnie: As long as you don't blow up the school ;)

apexpredator: ....

gaymian: ANYWAY

troybolton: hey damian i hvae a quenstioun 

gaymian: i fucking hate you

gaymian: proceed.

troybolton: would u be cool w maybe possibly sorta going on a hypothetical date with me?? kinda???

gretch-is-fetch: SCREENSHOTTED

troybolton: Bitch

gaymian: HHHNGJHKS

caddyheron: he's rebooting just give him a minute

gaymian: IS??? JOKE??????!!!!!!

caddyheron: he says is this a joke

troybolton: uhh no??? i think ur rlly cool and sweet and funny,,

gaymian: YES DATE I WOULD LIKE!!! TO

caddyheron: he says absolutely!

troybolton: YESSS

troybolton: i mean um cool

gretch-is-fetch: S C R E E N S H O T T E D

apexpredator: Awww!!!! 

why-its-janis: the dads are finally together?? incredible

caddyheron: GO BACK TO SLEEP

why-its-janis: >:/ fine

apexpredator: Me and Ronnie are at school now, where are the rest of you guys??

gaymian: cafeteria!

apexpredator: KK we're heading over! 

ronnie: I'm surviving off of caffeine and pure hatred right now. 

apexpredator: ^No one piss her off- she wrote a ten page paper last night and went to sleep at 4 a.m.

troybolton: H O W 

ronnie: Perseverance and fear of failure :)

ronnie: Anxiety is my motivator!

caddyheron: sameee

gaymian: heyy i just realized veronica's friend isnt here anymore?? where'd she go?

ronnie: Oh! I think Mac left the day after Cady and Janis's fight, hold up.

ronnie has added heather-macaroni

heather-macaroni: is it safe now??

ronnie: Ya 

karen-the-sexy-mouse: smiley emoji, house emoji, heart emoji!!!

caddyheron: she says welcome back

heather-macaroni: thank you!! :)

ronnie: How's Westerburg?

heather-macaroni: meh... lonely without you. me and martha still hang out at lunch, but it's not really the same. 

ronnie: What about Duke?

heather-macaroni: she's still pretty mean, but you put her in her place ig. she doesn't bother us or anything.

ronnie: That's good...

heather-macaroni: yea 

troybolton: REGINA JUST SPILLED HER COFFEE ON ME IM CALLGIN THE POLIFE

gaymian: "polife"

apexpredator: "Callgin"

troybolton: IT! IS! N O T!!!!! FUNNY!

caddyheron: janis is talking in her sleep guys,,,

caddyheron: "the bees. theyre,,,, everywhere"

apexpredator: She used to do that at our sleepovers in fifth grade. It was terrifying.

caddyheron: "look at the owl! IT'S LOOKING STRAIGHT AT YOU! ...it has red eyes..."

caddyheron: she just punched the wall on the other side of the bed hnhghs

ronnie: Blocked

apexpredator: Usually if you hug her she'll stop freaking out and shut up.

caddyheron: awww :3

gaymian: CADDY NO!!!

apexpredator: And that is DEFINITELY not what I did to make her stop. Ever. I never did that.

gretch-is-fetch: ya u did lol

gaymian: E X P O S E D IM LAUGHING SO HARD

caddyheron: o h my god

karen-the-sexy-mouse: regina hugged janis even when she wasnt talking in her sleep! it was funny :)

apexpredator: SHUT UP KAREN

karen-the-sexy-mouse: sorry >:3c

gaymian: B L O C K E D

gaymian: also WOW REGINA

apexpredator: I'm literally dating Veronica-

gaymian: fifth grade you was super gay for janis

caddyheron: IM LAUGHING SO HARD 

caddyheron: SHIT IM GONNA WAKE HER UP

ronnie: I'm literally dying Regina just let it go lmao

apexpredator: Fine! But I Won't Be Happy Aboot It >:(

caddyheron: S T O P

caddyheron: aww hugging her DOES work c:

ronnie: Gay.

caddyheron: IM BI

gaymian: w e k n o w

gaymian: HNHKSNHNKS CADDY AND JANIS GET HERE SOON BLEASE THERES A FIGHT GOIN ON

caddyheron: HHH WHAT??!

why-its-janis: suddenly im awake

apexpredator: Who wants to bet Janis was never asleep and they were making out this whole time??

ronnie: ME! I'm betting my college fund!

ronnie: Also YES SHANE OMAN AND KEVIN G ARE FIGHTING OVER A BREAKFAST TABLE IT'S HILARIOUS!! 

caddyheron has added kingkevin to the chat

kingkevin: ghjnbgjskn

kingkevin: im winning hshhfv

ronnie: He's not. 

kingkevin: hhngk)75!:88&$gjsnjnkh5)$

caddyheron: yeeto we're on our way

why-its-janis has removed kingkevin from the chat

why-its-janis: bye bye

apexpredator: THANK GOD

apexpredator: kevinsdeath*emotional*.mov

gaymian: i hate shane oman tho so idk??? im kinda Sad for kevin

troybolton: shane is awful and i would not be mad if he ever maybe possibly fell into a hypothetical pit for some crazy hypothetical reason

apexpredator: Noted.

troybolton: ;)

ronnie: REGINA 

apexpredator: I'm not gonna DO anything! He just... sucks. He's the worst.

why-its-janis: agree

why-its-janis: cady is driving hella fast this is hilarious

caddyheron: I'm using the voice-to-text thingy to send this message. Shane Oman deserves death and CADY shut up Janis I'm trying to send a message BUT YOU SAID shut up! Anyway as I was saying Regina should totally kill him because CADY THERE'S A CAR PULLING OUT IN FRONT OF YOU I KNOW YOU HAVE TO PAY ATTENTION I KNOWWW JANIS JESUS CHRIST SEND MESSAGE

gaymian: wild

gaymian: are they ok??

why-its-janis: ya

why-its-janis: my gf just needs to LOOK WHERE SHES GOING

caddyheron: we're here everyone!!

ronnie: Dear God. You two terrify me.

caddyheron: <3

heather-macaroni: catch me crying in the girls bathroom before first block has even Started lol 

ronnie: Aww Mac what's wrong??

ronnie: Want me to FaceTime you???

heather-macaroni: ye

caddyheron: i dont rlly know u but i hope u feel better <3

heather-macaroni: its chill i just hate school and martha isnt here today :/ 

ronnie: Hey, it's gonna be fine! Just keep your head up, Heather. I'm calling you now babe <3

apexpredator: My gf is so kind?? What a blessing???

caddyheron: awww soft hours

gaymian: i love that caddy says that as shane literally beats up kevin

why-its-janis: wait we just got in the cafeteria where is that Bitch

gaymian: janis dont do anything stupid

why-its-janis: i see him hold up

caddyheron: GHNHNGG JANIS WHAT THE FRICK

apexpredator: UM WHOA??!

gaymian: i freaking tried to stop her

caddyheron: NO THIS IS GREAT IM GETTING A VIDEO

caddyheron: shepunch.mov

ronnie: Hot ngl

gaymian: THATS YOUR COUSIN HHNGG

ronnie: JESUS CHRIST IT'S A JOKE??!?!!!

caddyheron: I CANT VREATHE

caddyheron: WAIT NO!!!!!!!!!

apexpredator: Cady can't even vore air rn smh,,, 

gretch-is-fetch: REGINALD STOP


	40. Regina Makes One (1) Typo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tragic, really

the void, 1:04 a.m.

 

ronnie: My therapist: Veronica we're really worried about y-

Me, rolling in on wheelies with sunglasses on and a margarita in my hand: My good bitch you're not gonna BELIEVE the shit that happened to me today!

My therapist: Just lock her up already.

apexpredator: Babe... are yoy okay?

gaymian: yoy

apexpredator: SHUT UP DAMIAN! 

ronnie: Are any of us?

caddyheron: good h*ck*ng point

gaymian: why did she censor it.... Twice

apexpredator: Emphasis and Stupidity.

troybolton: ive been!!!! summoned!!!!!

why-its-janis: WHY ARE YALL AWAKE

why-its-janis: IM THE ONLY ONE THATS ALLOWED TO STAY UP UR ALL TOO PURE FOR THIS

gaymian: janis sweaty i lov u but Stop

caddyheron: "sweaty"

troybolton: damian come over so we can play mario kart

gaymian: fam its one in the morning

troybolton: ummm your point??

caddyheron: "fam" HHNGGSH

gaymian: .......

gaymian: fine

caddyheron: WHIPPED

apexpredator: DOES DAMIAN HUBBARD IS WHIPPED

gaymian: S T O N P

caddyheron: lmao he cant even type

why-its-janis: Damian Hubbard Everyone

why-its-janis: Too Whipped To Type

ronnie: Just got done having my fourth panic attack of the night what's poppin'?

caddyheron: ronnie omg

caddyheron: BLEASE just try to sleep this is not Healthy

ronnie: Mmm no.

ronnie: If I do sleep I'll have night terrors and wake up my parents. So. No thanks.

\--

apexpredator >> ronnie, 1:12 a.m.

 

apexpredator: Alright. Spill.

ronnie: ???

apexpredator: Who fuckin hurt you.

ronnie: Wow suddenly I can't read-

apexpredator: VERONICA. 

ronnie: Fine whatever!

ronnie: When I was in my junior year back at Westerburg, I was inducted into this clique run by this cocky, arrogant bitch on a power trip. Then, I got into a huge fight with her at this wild college party and then hooked up with a random guy because I thought she was going to ruin my life and I was totally wasted. Anyway, the next morning we both went over to her house to apologize, and my "boyfriend" decided it'd be funny if we put liquid drain cleaner in a mug to give her instead of a hangover cure. Long story short, I grabbed the wrong cup and had to forge a suicide note in her handwriting. This guy ended up manipulating me even more, and we killed two more classmates that wronged me before I broke up with him.  
I know, I'm an idiot. He told me the bullets were just tranquilizers... Anyway. We forged more suicide notes to cover up the murders. After I broke up with him, he spiraled even more and ended up building a bomb. He planned to blow up our school. I faked my own death so he wouldn't kill me the night of this big pep rally, which is when he planned to... you know. Kaboom. So I followed him down into the boiler room and shot him (accidentally) so I could stop him. And then I pulled the bomb out onto the football field. I was ready to atone for my sins. I really was... I didn't want to die, but I thought I deserved it. I killed my best friend, Gina. Killed. Her. Anyway, I'm getting off track. He turned out to be alive, and he took the bomb from me. He said there was still good in me, that I could make things right at Westerburg. And then I watched him blow up.

ronnie: You probably don't believe me. You probably hate me. I'm sorry. Please don't tell anyone.

apexpredator: Oh my God... Veronica, I'm so sorry. I believe you. I don't know what to say.

ronnie: You can break up with me if you want. I don't even deserve you or any of our friends. I'm horrible, I've done horrible things.

apexpredator: Ronnie. It sounds like this guy was seriously messed up and manipulative... And judging by the you I know, you're the furthest thing from a horrible person. You were just scared and lost and confused. You did what you thought you had to do in that situation, and I'm so sorry that he treated you the way he did. You deserve so much better, Veronica.

ronnie: I... oh. Thank you.

apexpredator: <333 Ilysm

ronnie: Love you too <3

\--

the void, 2:43 p.m.

 

why-its-janis: so are yall dead or..?

gaymian: yall

caddyheron: yall

apexpredator: Y'all

why-its-janis: STOP THE DISRESPECT

why-its-janis: you come into MY GROUP CHAT

apexpredator: Cady's admin...

why-its-janis: you come into my GIRLFRIENDS GROUP CHAT,,,,,,,

why-its-janis: AND DISRESPECT ME?!!! DO YOU HAVE ANY I D E A WHO I AM???!!!!!!

ronnie: Unfortunately.

gaymian: RONNIE ENDED YOU JANIS JNHSJNHS

why-its-janis has changed the group name to 'crispy fishes'

apexpredator: Is she high???

why-its-janis: high on self love buddy

gaymian: A MOOD

troybolton: hi hello yes WHY ARE ALL OF YOU STILL AWAKE

gretch-is-fetch: caffeine and manic gay energy

gaymian: GRETCHEN SPEAKS THE TRUTH

caddyheron: y e s 

caddyheron: i have a six page paper due tomorrow. 

caddyheron: im on 3.

gaymian: ...paragraph three?

caddyheron: sentence 3 :')

apexpredator: CADY LOUISE HERON

gaymian: L O U I S E ?!!!!

caddyheron: REGINALD WHY HAVE U EXPOSED ME LIKE THIS HHHNJK

caddyheron: AND IN MY WEAKEST MOMENTS TOO 

caddyheron: UNFORGIVABLE 

why-its-janis: jgshsjsbnj LOUISE

why-its-janis: IM ACTUALLY SITTING IN BED CRYING THATS SO CUTE CADDY UR SO CUTE WTF ??!!?!?!!?!!!!!

caddyheron: i suddenly love my middle name??!?!!!!! omg janis <3333

ronnie: Get That Out Of Here.

caddyheron: what??

ronnie: The Love. 

ronnie: Make It Go Away.

gaymian: VERONICA GJHSJHNHKSF

troybolton: IM SO WORRIED ABT ALL OF YOU,,,

caddyheron: BI UPDATE IM ON THE SECOND PARAGRAPH

why-its-janis: YESSS MY QUEEN <333 

caddyheron: <3333 

apexpredator: You guys dare me to come to school tomorrow wearing my lesbian pride flag cape???

gaymian: OH MY GOD Y E S

troybolton: REGIN A DO IT

ronnie: BABE THAT'S POSSIBLY THE BEST IDEA YOU'VE EVER HAD??!

apexpredator: AAAA OKAY??!?!!! 

gretch-is-fetch: GUYS HGHSBJNF karen is asleep in my lap and i REALLY NEED TO PEE but she s sO CUTEEEE

caddyheron: mood tbh

apexpredator: RIP GRETCHEN WIENERS 2k18 

gaymian: this is truly a Sad Day

troybolton: sad hours.....

caddyheron: PARAGRAPH THREE PARAGRAPH THREE

gaymian: caddy its two am ur never gonna get it done babe :(

caddyheron: SHUT UPPPPP 

why-its-janis: damian STOP with the disrespect

apexpredator: I'm rooting for you, Cady!

caddyheron: thx binch <333

troybolton: goodnight chirren 

ronnie: I'm SEVENTEEN!

troybolton: a smol child

gaymian: smol

apexpredator: smol

gretch-is-fetch: smol

karen-the-sexy-mouse: smurf

gaymian: KAREN UR AWAKE?!!!

gaymian: also,, "smurf"?

karen-the-sexy-mouse: ive been awake this whole time!! i just like laying in gretchens lap :) 

gaymian: WHOLESOME

caddyheron: PARAGRAPH FOURRRRR HECK YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

gaymian: i feel like cady is super sleep-deprived and is relying on nothing but adrenaline to get her through the night

caddyheron: its true we're out of coffee so im just chugging ice water to stay awake :')))) help me 

why-its-janis: babe ily but wtf

apexpredator: Cady is hardcore and none of you will ever measure up to her badassery. Change my mind.

gaymian: veronica beating up shane

apexpredator: MY MIND HAS BEEN CHANGED

caddyheron: regina >:0

why-its-janis: dw babe ur still totally metal to ME <333

caddyheron: awww <3333

heather-macaroni: hey i know none of u know me bc im just here for ronnie but uhhh i might kinda be in town rn and i mightttt need a place 2 stay...?

ronnie: HEATHER WHAT

heather-macaroni: my parents looked through my phone and found out im gay,,, they kicked me out and i ubered here

gaymian: you... ubered Here........ from ohio????

heather-macaroni: well. i ubered multiple times and walked... it took me like all day to get here yikes

heather-macaroni: [>whereiam]

ronnie: DON'T MOVE I'M ON MY WAY OVER!!

caddyheron: PARAGRAPH FIVE

caddyheron: oh


	41. That Escalated Quickly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **tw: this chapter alludes to school shootings and related trauma. stay safe babes <333**

crispy fishes, 7:32 a.m.

 

apexpredator: Cady,,, please take Janis off admin and change the group name.

caddyheron: i didnt finish the essay

caddyheron: also, no :)

apexpredator: Excuse me???

ronnie: Oh dear...

caddyheron: i said,, no?

apexpredator: CADY LOUISE HERON

gaymian: i love this

troybolton: cady just take janis off admin!! 

caddyheron: NO SHES MY GF SHE DESERVES TO CO-ADMIN WITH ME!!! 

apexpredator: TAKE. HER. OFF. ADMIN.

ronnie: When did this group chat even have an admin?? I'm so confused???

apexpredator: It used to be an open chat, meaning anyone could change any aspect of it, but then Cady (the og admin) locked it so that only she could change things about it. She made Janis her co-admin... a Grave Mistake.

ronnie: Oh. Yikes. Anyway, Mac is coming to school with us today!! She's staying with me until she can find a place of her own.

heather-macaroni: yeet

apexpredator: Oh, nice! Also!!!

apexpredator: CADY TAKE JANIS OFF ADMIN

caddyheron: nnnnO! 

why-its-janis: whats poppin lads

gaymian: do you ever want to erase a text from yr memory? bc i do...

why-its-janis: reginald i DESERVE to be co admin!!!! this is SLANDER TO MY GOOD NAME

gaymian: "good name"

troybolton: HJNNHNNG TEA

why-its-janis has changed the group chat name to 'traitors'

why-its-janis: also yay heather!!! wlelcome 2 northshore bby 

gaymian: soft

troybolton: "wlelcome"

caddyheron: >:0 janis!

caddyheron: im not a traitor!!!

why-its-janis: i meant regina but go off i guess lol

gaymian: OH MY GOD,,,

apexpredator: Cady. Please.

caddyheron has kicked why-its-janis from the admin position

caddyheron has locked the chat

caddyheron has changed the group chat name to 'gay screaming'

gaymian: ICONIQUE

heather-macaroni: dang dang diggity dang-a dang

why-its-janis: T R E A S O N 

why-its-janis: T R E A C H E R Y

caddyheron: im sorry-

why-its-janis: THE BETRAYAL,,,,!!!!!

gaymian: rip caddy 2k18

\--

ronnie >> apexpredator, 9:32 a.m.

 

ronnie: Regina I need help right now please answer oh my God

apexpredator: Hey, what's wrong? Where are you??

ronnie: So remember that time my ex picked me up when you were supposed to be picking me up, and I knocked him out and left him on the side of the road?? Yeah, he's still kicking.

apexpredator: Veronica where are you

apexpredator: What's going on?!!

ronnie: This thot followed me to school. If you catch sight of a dark-haired kid in a trenchcoat, it's probably him. He waved at me and Mac in the hallway. I'm freaking terrified and I'm hiding in the girls' bathroom in the science building. 

apexpredator: OH MY GOD

apexpredator: I THINK HE'S IN BIO WITH ME HOLY SHIT

apexpredator: creep.jpg

ronnie: Holy hell. That's him.

apexpredator: Oh my God...

ronnie: I thought I was going crazy, or seeing things...

ronnie: Don't do anything until I get there. When I text again, ask for a hall pass. Are any of our friends in that class as well?

apexpredator: Cady and Janis. Hang on, I'm texting them screenshots of this convo. You should probably text the gc and inform everyone of what's going on.

ronnie: Already on it. See u in ten.

apexpredator: <3

\--

apexpredator >> caddyheron & why-its-janis, 9:38 a.m.

 

apexpredator: urgent.jpg

caddyheron: HOLY CRAP

caddyheron: W H A T

apexpredator: Just wait till Veronica gets here. 

why-its-janis: OH MY GOD

why-its-janis: RONNIES TOLD ME ALL ABOUT THIS LITTLE BITCH

why-its-janis: HES SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD???! HOW THE FRICK

apexpredator: I don't know. It's horrifying. 

caddyheron: WHY DID HE JUST ASK FOR A HALL PASS

\--

gay screaming, 9:43 a.m.

 

gaymian: DID ANY OF YOU HEAR THAT

troybolton: YES

troybolton: WHERE IS EVERYONE???

caddyheron: JANIS REGINA RONNIE AND I ARE IN THE GIRLS BATHROOM IN THE SCIENCE BUILDING!

caddyheron: WHATS GOING ON?!!

gaymian: im in theatre rn

gaymian: weve locked the doors

troybolton: im in calc w gretchen and mac

karen-the-sexy-mouse: im in zoology

ronnie: I'm so so sorry I've dragged you all into my mess. I thought I got rid of him. 

gaymian: UMM WHAT???

caddyheron: screenshots.jpg

gaymian: WHAT THE FUCK

ronnie: I'M SORRY!! 

gaymian: VERONICA IM SO SORRY OH MY GOD <333 

caddyheron: why did it get quiet??!

ronnie: Maybe he's reloading?? Or maybe he's out of bullets... God I hope so.

why-its-janis: im gonna check

apexpredator: NO YOU ARE NOT.

why-its-janis: gina its fine im just gonna try and see if i can spot him,,

caddyheron: ABSOLUTELY NOT

caddyheron: REGINA, VERONICA AND I WILL LITERALLY HOLD YOU BACK OKAY JANIS 

caddyheron: YOU ARE NOT PUTTING YOURSELF IN DANGER

gaymian: having an open campus Really makes this twenty times worse,,

gaymian: which buildings is everyone in?

caddyheron: regina, veronica, janis and i are in the science building

troybolton: gretch, mac and i are in annex

gaymian: im in the auditorium

karen: im in the portables oof

ronnie: I still have his number saved. Maybe I can distract him.

\--

Call Transcript, 10:01 a.m.

'VeronicaSawyer' is calling 'JD'...

 

V: "What the hell are you doing here?"

J: "Smart girl, calling to distract me. I'm here because you are, Veronica. You can't escape me." 

V: "Why are you doing this?!" 

J: "Don't you see, Ronnie?! Every high school is the same! We cleansed Westerburg, but Northshore, Middleborough, the list goes on! We can be Gods! We can start a new world together, you just have to be willing to make a few sacrifices!" 

V: "You're psychotic. You're dangerous. I want nothing to do with you. Get out of my school, JD, or I swear I'll-"

J: "You'll what?! I don't know if you've noticed darling, but you lost your croquet mallet on moving day. You're powerless against me. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, ay?"

V: "I'd rather join Heather, Kurt, and Ram than join you. You're seriously sick, JD. Go rot."

Call ended. 

\--

gay screaming, 10:12 a.m.

 

ronnie: Everyone stay where you are. I've done this before, I can do it again. 

caddyheron: um e x c u s e

caddyheron: veronica!!!?!?!!?!

apexpredator: VERONICA DO NOT LEAVE THIS BATHROOM

ronnie has muted the chat

gaymian: dw abt her guys shes a badass

caddyheron: uhhh ya but her ex has a LOADED WEAPON 

gaymian: i know im sorry,, i use humor to cope with panic and fear

apexpredator: I'm really worried.

apexpredator: This guy is really dangerous...

why-its-janis: no kidding???

gretch-is-fetch: how is everyone???!!

caddyheron: we're all safe gretch <3

troybolton: ummm WHAT THE FROCK

gaymian: "frock"

caddyheron: DAMIAN THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR JOKES

gaymian: I KNOW UGH

troybolton: you guys just LET VERONICA GO?!!

caddyheron: oh shit we did

why-its-janis: f u c k

why-its-janis: what the Hell when did she leave?!!

apexpredator: Shit! She probably snuck out when we were getting Cady to Shut The Fuck Up.

caddyheron: IM SORRY SHIT

why-its-janis: oh my gOD OH MYGOD

troybolton: WHAT

caddyheron: SOMEONE JUST WALKED IN 

caddyheron: WE'RE HIDING IN A STALL BUT IM PRETTY SURE IT'S HIM,, I CAN SEE BLACK COMBAT BOOTS AND THE END OF LIKE A BLACK COAT OHMYG OD

why-its-janis: HOLY HELL

why-its-janis: VERONICA MAKES A FUCKING ENTRANCE 

gaymian: janis WHAT IS GOING ON

why-its-janis: VERONICA JUST TACKLED HIM HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT

caddyheron: she got the gun oh my g o d

troybolton: the police are finally here,, everyone just stay where you are!!!

caddyheron: veronica is Holding Him At Gunpoint,,, this is terrifying what the fuck

apexpredator: THAT'S!! MY!! GIRL!!!!!!

gaymian: oh my g o d regina

heather-macaroni: is ronnie okay??!!

caddyheron: physically? yeah shes fine

apexpredator: We can hear them from inside the stall,,, Veronica's crying a Lot my heart is breaking???!

heather-macaroni: shit

heather-macaroni: can i add martha??

caddyheron: yeah

heather-macaroni has added asyouwish to the chat

asyouwish: ???

heather-macaroni: jd followed ronnie to northshore

asyouwish: Oh my gosh!!! Are you guys okay??!!!

heather-macaroni: yeah,,, just wanted 2 let u know whats goin on,,,, u can scroll up if u want <3

asyouwish: Oh, okay... I'm really sorry that happened! Tell Veronica I said I'm sorry!! 

heather-macaroni: ya ofc <3

asyouwish: <3

gaymian: lesbian activity???

caddyheron: damian no


	42. Exposing Myself *NOT CLICKBAIT*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This isn't an actual chapter, rip.

Hey so, this isn't an actual chapter but I wanted to address something. There's a chapter in here somewhere involving Regina and some indoor waterslides that was inspired by a chapter in another group chat fic. It's called Heather Cubed, I love it, and so I figured maybe I could borrow a concept and put my own spin on it. Now, I do recognize that I made mistakes here. I should have credited the other fic and the author, or just not written that chapter at all. However, this is the only aspect of that fic that I took inspiration from and I don't really see it as "plagiarism" because what I used was an IDEA, a CONCEPT. Not the characters' reactions, quotes, etc. I'm genuinely sorry if I offended anyone and I acknowledge that I made a mistake here. I care about my appearance online and what people think of me, and I would never want to offend anyone or cause any arguments. I hope you all understand. If you want to stop reading, I completely understand. I just wanted to address this and own up to my mistakes.

EDIT: I know it's long overdue, but I gave credit to the other chatfic in the summary of the chapter I used the idea in. I just wanted to let you all know that what I used was one concept, and then I built off of it in my own unique way. That does not amount to "plagiarism", at least in my opinion.


	43. Gay Update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im trying my best biotches

hi school is #awful i'll update as soon as i have Actual Time (w h a t a concept smh)

 

;* i love u all sm


	44. Veronica Owns A Motorbike

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> timeskipped because i'm lazy and hate developing plot :)))

anxious gays, 2:03 p.m.

 

jam: what's up frickers

caddy: my blood pressure

gaymian: my hopes

queenreginald: My loathing for humanity.

makeitbeautiful: 1) Big mood babe 2) EVERYONE GO TO SLEP

gaymian: "slep"

makeitbeautiful: SHUT UP DAMIAN

gretchensmith: we're in school why would we go to sleep????

makeitbeautiful: Right. Force of habit, sorry. 

jam has changed caddy's name to peanutbutter

peanutbutter has changed their name to deadinside

deadinside: yall

troybolton: SCREENSHOTTED

deadinside: shut UP aaron,,,

karenweiners: hey that's gretchen's Thing!!!!

gretchensmith: she's right i'm suing

jam: LET MY GORLFRIEND FINISH 

gaymian: "gorlfriend"

jam: it. was. on. PURPOSE!

makeitbeautiful: Someone's aggressive.

gaymian: says veronica,,,,

deadinside: I HAVE FOUR PROJECTS DUE TOMORROW THAT I HAVENT STARTED :''')))

jam: gosh freaking darn it caddy

gaymian: janis STOP

jam: I 

jam: AM

jam: IN

troybolton: wot in tarnation

jam: DISTRESS

deadinside: so am i!!!! :D

gaymian: EVERYONE JUST STAY CALM

makeitbeautiful: "It's happening, it's [bleep]ing happening, everyone just stay calm, STAY CALM!"

queenreginald: My gf knows The Most Office Quotes <3333 Your OTP could never! 

gaymian: regina doesnt always gush abt vera,,, but When She Does,,,,,

gaymian: d i s g u s t e n

troybolton: i Highly Agree 

troybolton: *noises of approval*

gaymian: hi id like to file for a divorce

troybolton: *whimpers of dismay*

jam: I HATE THAT

deadinside has muted the chat

jam: CADDY NO DONT LEAVE ME ALONE WITH THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

queenreginald: Dramatic bitch.

jam: >>>>>::::::000009

makeitbeautiful: "9"

jam: MY HAND SLIPPED YOU ABSOLUTE SOGGY Q-TIP!!!!! 

gaymian: im worried for college janis rn

gaymian: she'll only worsen and by college she'll just be. a Raving Lunatic

jam: jokes on u i already AM

troybolton: https://genericbuzzfeedquiz.com

jam: aaron that link doesnt work??? 

troybolton: oh

troybolton: must have copied it from my notes

jam: why do you have fake links in your notes?

troybolton has muted the chat

jam: aaron??? 

gaymian: ..........

gaymian: ANYWA Y

queenreginald: How has everyone's Monday been so far? 

gaymian: its tuesday regina

queenreginald: Sorry what???! 

gaymian: its.... tuesday? 

queenreginald: OH MY GOD 

queenreginald: I HAVE A TEST IN AP PHYSICS TODAY

gaymian: oh no

makeitbeautiful: If you wanna skip my motorbike's in the parking lot :)

queenreginald: WAIT SERIOUSLY

makeitbeautiful: Yep. We can go back to my apartment, my parents are at work till nine! 

queenreginald: FREAKING YEET OKAY!!! 

gaymian: you two are destined for failure

makeitbeautiful: So is everyone else in this stupid chat.

deadinside: janis can we skip too???

jam: no.

deadinside: >:o

jam: you have work to do and i already have too many absences! Calm Down Blease

gaymian: b l o c k e d

troybolton: damian r u still divorcing me??? 

gaymian: ...

troybolton: *holds breath in anticipation*

gaymian has blocked troybolton

jam: holy H E C K

deadinside: SAMUELS GOT SHUT DOWN OMG


	45. In Which Damian Sells Veronica's Blazer On The Blackmarket

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> my mission is to be the rarest cryptid when it comes to updates
> 
> you will never know when,,,
> 
> you will never know how,,,,
> 
> but it will happen. this sacred fic must continue.

anxious gays, 9:32 a.m.

 

makeitbeautiful: Can someone please explain to me why Damian is selling my blazer from junior year to Scott Aldridge underneath the east building staircase?

jam: damian What the Fork

showercaddy: hes pocketing a Lot of money omg,,,

showercaddy: thebigbucks.jpg

jam: caddy.....,,, 

showercaddy: ya?

jam: what does your username mean im so confusion rn?????

gaymian: STAY OUT OF MY BUSINESS TRANSACTIONS VERONIA

showercaddy: its like,,,, u know,,,,, a shower caddy?? those little containers in ur shower that hold shampoo and stuff????

queenreginald: "VERONIA"

gaymian: SHUT UP REGINA!!!!!!!!!!!!

queenreginald: If you ever say or type that agin, I'll obliterate you and everything you hold dear. That theatre school you so desperately want to join won't be an option anymore, Damian Hubbard, because I'll have broken both your kneecaps and pulled your intestines out through your esophagus before you even make it to senior prom. You dare defy me? Have you forgotten who you're speaking to?! I may be soft, but I'm not a wimp. Underneath all the kind smiles and perfect makeup, I'm a warrior-- a reckoning. Tell me to "shut up" one more time. I dare you-- no. I don't have to do that, because I know you don't have the guts. Good luck being one of the weak ones, they never truly last in this bleak, dog-eat-dog world.

showercaddy: whats a polynomial

showercaddy: im abt to fail my comprehensive math exam because i just spent fifteen solid minutes reading reginas mcfreaking manifesto

jam: theres too much going on here,,,

jam: yeah caddy i Know what a shower caddy is,,, i meant like,, Why Is That Your Username???

showercaddy: oh!

showercaddy: i have no idea :)

jam has changed showercaddy's name to biconic

biconic: THANKS I LOVE IT

gaymian: awwwWWWW

makeitbeautiful: My gf is so smart look at those Terrifying Words

makeitbeautiful: Also. Damian, get me my blazer back or I'll murder you.

gaymian: YOU NEVER WORE IT 

biconic: i call bs she wears it tri-monthly at the least

makeitbeautiful: YEAH, AT THE L E A S T 

gaymian: the deal is done

gaymian: but I'm willing to offer you some of the proceeds

queenreginald: Oh, screw that, you're giving her all the money.

gaymian: you'll never take me alive 

biconic: for anyone who's wondering, he just bolted out of calc class

queenreginald: Well, good thing I brought my running heels today.

jam: you r....,,, your w ha t?

queenreginald: My running heels.

jam: your w h a t???

biconic: shhh babe just accept it

jam: BUT I CANT


	46. Hey Look it's the Conflict Train (CHOO CHOO)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> macaroni makes a reappearance and it's pretty gay

anxious gays, 10:03 a.m.

 

makeitbeautiful has added macaroni to the chat

gaymian: whomst

biconic: Hey Damian Thats No Longer A Meme

jnais: ^^^ shes right shes the Meme Police you have to obey

gaymian: W 

gaymian: H

gaymian: O 

gaymian: M

biconic has removed gaymian from  
the chat 

jnais: justice is imminent, bitch

biconic: babe he cant hear you

macaroni: Hi what the H*ck is going on here

makeitbeautiful: Horrible things, babe.

reggieisedgy: E X C U S E 

makeitbeautiful: Um??

biconic: RUN VERONICA RUN

reggieisedgy: "BABE"??!!!!?!?!?!

macaroni: DW ITS A FRIEND THING ITS OKAY

makeitbeautiful: ^ God Regina, chill. 

jnais: sOMETIMES I FEEL C OL D  
E V EN PARALY Z E D

MY INT E R IO R WO RLD   
NEE D S TO SanitIz E

gaymian: god shes back on her bullshit everyone

jnais: IM SORRY WHEN DID ANYONE ASK YOU TO COMMENT??? OH RIGHT, n e v e r

biconic: shes been forcing me to listen to the trench album all week

biconic: i love her but the band Screams Too Much

jnais: ITS ART YOU FILTHY CASUALS

reggieisedgy: It's a scrawny white boy with a ukulele screaming about how much he wants to die. No wonder Janis lives and breathes it. 

macaroni: oh no,,,,

macaroni: ronnie loves top dont bash them!! 

jnais: 1) regina go choke on a cactus 2) yea u might wanna delete that message their music is really important to her

reggieisedgy: THAT'S NOT HOW THIS APP WORKS, JANIS!! 

jnais: .... 

jnais: so you guys see every message i send even if i-

gaymian: it only erases it on your phone, honey

jnais: oh no

reggieisedgy: Yeah, we see everything. 

biconic: shh dw babe its ok we still love you

jnais: aaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA 

gaymian: me when i bite into a non-cooked poptart

troybolton: you FREAKING IDIOT

troybolton: RAW POPTARTS ARE SUPERIOR AF

biconic: r a w p o p t a r t s

jnais: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

makeitbeautiful: REGINA GEORGE YOU ARE A BETRAYER OF SOULS

biconic: me when regina breathes in my general direction 

gaymian: holy F L I P 

biconic: ^when i stub my toe in fromt of my grandma ngl

jnais: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

makeitbeautiful: R E G I N A 

reggieisedgy: I'M SORRY (bitch) 

gaymian: i cant--

gaymian: i cant believe she Did That

biconic: REGINALD STOP

macaroni: see this is why ronnie should date me

macaroni: oh holy sHOOT I HIT SEND HHHHSJNG

biconic: oh sweetie

gaymian: UMMMMM IM SCARED

reggieisedgy: Hi what the HELL 

makeitbeautiful: Regina just CALM down

makeitbeautiful: Mac, it's okay, alright? 

macaroni: nope nope nope

makeitbeautiful: HEATHER

makeitbeautiful: JUST LISTEN 

macaroni has left the chat

reggieisedgy: Lmao

makeitbeautiful: Shut the hell up.

reggieisedgy: Whoa, WHAT?! Are you kidding? 

makeitbeautiful: No, not in the slightest. You might think you're entitled to yell at people and laugh at them when they're upset, but you're really not. You're walking around with freaking blinders on, Regina. Heather Chandler 2.0, Jesus Christ.

reggieisedgy: ??? Who the hell is that?! She's all you ever talk about, what, is she your ex or something? 

reggieisedgy: Or is she one of the people you freaking murdered in junior year?! 

jnais: regina just,,, stop talking. RIGHT NOW. 

reggieisedgy: I'm serious though, I want to know who this bitch is. Because I'm NOT HER.

jnais: REGINA. SHUT UP.

reggieisedgy: YOU shut up!!? What the fuck, Janis?! 

biconic: OKAY NOPE YOU ARE NOT YELLING AT JANIS RIGT NOW

makeitbeautiful: This is over. I want my leather jacket back, I'll give you your lipgloss. You don't know anything about me. I can't do this anymore. 

makeitbeautiful has left the chat

jnais: shit

reggieisedgy has muted the chat

troybolton: whats up jake paulers

troybolton: oh


	47. Just Throw the Whole Ship Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hmmmmmmm

makeitbeautiful has created a chat with macaroni

makeitbeautiful has named the chat 'just gals bein' pals'

 

just gals bein' pals, 2:08 p.m.

makeitbeautiful: Hey... you wanna talk?

macaroni: maybe

makeitbeautiful: You've been avoiding me all day, Mac, and it sucks. Listen, I'm not mad at you or anything. Like, at all. 

makeitbeautiful: Regina just isn't for me. I broke it off with her after you left the chat-- she kept griping about Heather and even brought up the stuff I did last year, and it was just. A lot to deal with. She's a lot to deal with. Really. I guess I was drawn to her because she reminded me of Chandler, and she was more authentic, and even seemed kind around me. I still want to be friends with her, I guess, because she's Janis's friend and she's part of their little circle. But I don't want to date her. Does that make sense?

macaroni: um.. yeah.

macaroni: im sorry for avoiding you, ronnie, i just freaked out after the other day. i felt really terrible about what i said. 

makeitbeautiful: Oh. Did you not mean it?

macaroni: would it be bad if i did??

makeitbeautiful: Heather... 

makeitbeautiful: I really like you. 

makeitbeautiful: I hope that isn't weird. I just do. I thought being with Regina would make me forget about you, and the way I felt, and it did for a while. But you're the one I've always really loved. Regina was pretty, and sweet (at times), and she made me feel safe. But you're the one I really like. 

makeitbeautiful; Mac???

makeitbeautiful: Kinda just poured my heart out there...

macaroni: lol sorry i was crying

makeitbeautiful: ???!!!!!

macaroni: I LIKE YOU TOO YOU SAP OMG

makeitbeautiful: OH

makeitbeautiful: OHHH MY GOD

makeitbeautiful: <333333 BITCH IM CRYING????

macaroni: HHHHH SAME????? BE GAY WITH ME??????!!!!!

makeitbeautiful: AAAAA OKAY???!!!!

 

\--

 

anxious gays, 2:10 p.m. 

 

biconic: ....soooo

surejan: soooooooooo

reggieisedgy: SHUT UP!!

troybolton: REGINALD JUST TALK TO US

troybolton has changed reggieisedgy's name to apexpredator

surejan has changed their name to why-its-janis

gaymian: YES YES YES

gaymian: ORDER IS FINALLY RESTORED

biconic: i like mine im not changin it >:/

gaymian: YES YOU ARE YOUNG LADY

gaymian has changed biconic's name to caddyheron

caddyheron: hmph

why-its-janis: im literally getting nostalgia from this

apexpredator: Are you all done now? Because I'm leaving. 

caddyheron has locked the chat

why-its-janis: POWER MOVE OML THATS MY GF <3333

caddyheron has added makeitbeautiful to the chat

makeitbeautiful: Uh

caddyheron has added macaroni to the chat

caddyheron has named the chat "CONFLICT RESOLUTION YEETO" 

apexpredator: Wow I want to die.

gaymian: 1) me 2) REGINA STOP 

makeitbeautiful: So, um. Mac and I are dating.

macaroni: can i leave now?

caddyheron: ABSOLUTELY MOT

why-its-janis: lmaooo 

gaymian: janis >:o

why-its-janis: sorry caddy <3

caddyheron: dw its chill

caddyheron: back to the matter at hand,,

apexpredator: Just let her leave, Cady. She didn't do anything.

troybolton: THATS WHAT WE CALL 

C H A R A C T E R

D E V E L O P M E N T

STEVE HARRINGTON? QUAKING  
SIERRA BURGESS? ON A STRETCHER  
CHERYL BLOSSOM? FULLY DECEASED

apexpredator: I'm not improving as a person I just want this to be over with.

troybolton: oh

caddyheron: how Dare you bring r*verdale into this Holy Chat

makeitbeautiful: We, uh... staying on task, Heron?

caddyheron: OH RIGHT

caddyheron: regina- apologize to ronnie  
ronnie- apologize to regina  
mac- just be yourself youre doing amazing sweetie

macaroni: wow im feeling so much love in this chilis tonight

troybolton: actually This is a Group Chat lollll

gaymian: just ignore him

gaymian: hes not right in the mind anymore

macaroni: oh, okay :) 

makeitbeautiful: Regina, I'm sorry for blowing up at you. I guess I just took out all of my frustration on myself on you, and that was so wrong of me. I just don't think we're right for each other; we're too different. You remind me a lot of this girl I knew, but you're better than she was. Nicer, more level-headed. I really want you to know how much I valued being your girlfriend, I just think our relationship doesn't really have a chance in the long run. I'm really really sorry Gina <3

gaymian: bitch im in tears

why-its-janis: "blowing up at you" IS IT OK FOR ME TO LAUGH VERA OMGGGG

makeitbeautiful: No. 

apexpredator: It's okay Veronica-- I'm sorry too. I completely crossed a line and I was being so insensitive; I understand what you're saying. Can we still be friends?? 

makeitbeautiful: Absolutely, it'd be very.

macaroni: hi im having a CONNIPTION 

macaroni: YOURE BOTH so maTURE

macaroni: when me and duke get in fights shes like "im sorry,,,, i g u e s s" and then i just cry for three more hours hahaha

caddyheron: oh no, are you okay?

macaroni: thats a Loaded Question, buddy

gaymian: THANK G O D THE DISTINGUISHED LESBIANS™️ HAVE MADE AMMENDS

troybolton: w h a t is u p jake paulersss

why-its-janis: babe unlock the chat pls

caddyheron has unlocked the chat

why-its-janis has removed troybolton from the chat

gaymian: are we all just gonna ignore the fact that cady put "y*eto" in the group chat name??

why-its-janis: THE CENSOR HAS ME WHEEZING

caddyheron: SH U T U P !!!!! ! 

macaroni: this is a mess 

makeitbeautiful has changed their name to ronnie

ronnie: Agreed. 

ronnie has added troybolton to the chat

caddyheron: B E T R A Y A L

ronnie: What? I have a soft spot for dumb boys with pretty hair. Sue me.

apexpredator: GET HIM OUT

gaymian: WE REPENT THEE

caddyheron: rt! 

troybolton: yall ever think about garrett watts

why-its-janis: every day of my miserable gay life

troybolton: <3

why-its-janis: ew no

caddyheron: LOOK AT THAT LOYALTY

caddyheron: I LOVE MY GF SO MUCH <333

troybolton: :'(

gaymian: guys we have an apwh test tomorrow

ronnie: W H A T

gaymian: yeah mr roberts just posted the test review on google classroom

caddyheron: oh no

mynameiskaren: WHATS AN APWH???

gretchenissad: jesus i thought that was next week??!

macaroni: yikessss

apexpredator: Shut up, idiots. I have a stellar idea and it involves one (1) pink jeep, one roadtrip, and nine (9) juniors with a disgusting habit of skipping school often. 

caddyheron: YEETO REGINALD COMES THRU YET AGAIN

gaymian: if you say that one more time you cant skip w us tomorrow

why-its-janis: B A B E PLEASE DONT SAY IT 

caddyheron: but

caddyheron: BUT HES TAUNTING ME AND NOW I HAVE TO SAY IT

ronnie: Cady. No.

caddyheron: y3eto

caddyheron: LOOPHOLE BITCHES

apexpredator: I'm Never forgiving Janis and Damian for ruining this poor girl. This is terrible.


	48. Spoopy Special Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY HALLOWEEN YOUNGIN'S

caddyheron has changed the chat name to 'IT'S HALLOWEEN KIDDOS' 

why-its-janis: what time does trick-or-treating even start? what's the Prime Time to steal candy from kids???

caddyheron: DAMIAN WHEN DOES TRICK-OR-TREATING START IN AMERICA??!!

gaymian: around 6 if you go early

troybolton: HES WRONG

ronnie: October 1st. 

apexpredator: ^^SHE'S CORRECT 

caddyheron: oh my god.... we're so late

why-its-janis: babe shes joking

caddyheron: WE HAVE TO LEAVE NOW EVERYONE

gaymian: c a d d y its one in the afternoon

caddyheron: EVERYONE MEET ME BY REGINAS CAR

ronnie: Jesus Christ--

macaron: YAYYY

ronnie: Mac no. 

macaron: COME  
O N   
VERA 

caddyheron: I Love One (1) Girl

why-its-janis: UM EXC U S E 

caddyheron: dw i meant myself lol im the best

apexpredator: Hi yes what the fresh hell happened to this chat?? 

troybolton: it was never normal............ we were Doomed from the very beginning............

apexpredator: Okay edgelord 

apexpredator: If you guys wanna actually skip to trick or treat in the middle of the day... fine I guess? Meet me by my car. 

caddyheron: HECK YEAH 

caddyheron: Y E E T O

why-its-janis: wow unstanned

macaron: That's Cold My Guy

ronnie: If that blur of red speeding down the hallway was Cady, I'm officially dropping everyone in this chat. 

macaron: >:O

ronnie: Except Mac.


	49. If You Give Aaron An Apple

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the boYS ARE BACK IN TOWN

smash that like button if you're big gay, 2:01 a.m.

 

why-its-janis: https://youtu.be/ypPSrRYOAj4 me when the Young Republicans Club tries to interact

caddyheron: GO THE FRESH FUCK TO SLEEP ITS BEEN NINE HOURS AND ALL IVE HEARD IS THIS FUCKING SONG I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL L E A V E Y O U

why-its-janis: you just dont Appreciate Art :/

gaymian: aaron called me one minute ago, whispered "please tell them to stop", and hung up,,, janis WHY

why-its-janis: ONLY MAC UNDERSTANDS ME!!! ALL OF YOU ARE UNCULTURED!!!!!!

apexpredator: Hey, Janis.

why-its-janis: W G A T

apexpredator:   
janisfaceonjojosiwa.jpg

caddyheron has left the chat

why-its-janis: HHSHSJHSJSNSGSHSHAJSHSJSBSJSGAHSGHSGSHSGSJHSJSH

gaymian: imagine having sleep paralysis as this entity enters through your window

apexpredator: I Hate My Creation. 

gaymian has added caddyheron to the chat

caddyheron: PLEASE STOP,,,!!!!?!!?!!!!!

why-its-janis: caddy its okay

caddyheron: NO ITS N O T SHUT THE FUCK UP JNAIS

gaymian: regina she finally snapped

apexpredator: Poor Cady... I only meant to harm Janis. And maybe Damian.

ronnie: Hey guys, quick question. 

ronnie: WHAT THE HELL??! 

macaron: IM W H E E Z I N G I OPENED MY PHONE WHILE ME AND RONNIE WERE IN THE MOVIE THEATRE AND THE PICTURE OF JOJO (JANIS???) POPPED UP AND THE ROW ABOVE US SAW IT AND NOW RONNIE AND I ARE GETTING KICKED OUT FOR "CAUSING A DISRUPTION" BC WE LAUGHED SO HARD,,,, 

ronnie: I hate this. I hate everything about this.

caddyheron: MAKE IT go AWAYYYY

apexpredator has deleted a message

caddyheron: NO I MEANT MAKE ME FORGET IT FOREVER BLEASE

apexpredator: Honey, I can't.

caddyheron: BLEACH MY EYE SOCKETS OR IM COMMITTING MASS HOMICIDE

gaymian: smash that like button if the picture regina sent makes you want to commit arson!! 

troybolton: wHat Is. Arson . 

gretch-is-fetch: heyYYY so ummm M

gretch-is-fetch: aaron is raelly drunk and hes at partu with me and karen but were ALso drunk so we neef a ride hone like rn lolololilo 

caddyheron: oh d e a r

apexpredator: I'm on my way over now. Anyone wanna come with?

caddyheron: please for the love of GOD take me and janis im so tired of listening to this godawful song (her phone died so she's streaming it through the tv hhsnshgs) 

apexpredator: On it. Damian? Ronnie and Mac? 

ronnie: Heather and I headed home so we'll just chill here. Drive safe, Regina! <3

damian: if you could pick me up on your way over that'd be great!! i wanna make sure aaron's okay lol

apexpredator: Hey Gretch, I need your location. 

gretch-is-fetch: [ryanshouse]

ronnie: That's in another TOWN???

gretch-is-fetch: yeah lolnwe hopped aroubf a bit and wnded up there hahahag 

troybolton: SMASH rgat like hutton if you want a fuciing apple rn

ronnie: Is this bitch okay

troybolton: I WNAT APFLE

apexpredator: I'm here Cady!!

caddyheron: OH THANK GOD

why-its-janis: WAIT FOR ME HDHSNSG

gaymian: aaron are you okay bby

troybolton: REGINNA PICH ME UP AN APPKE FROM THE WINN DIZIE BEFORE YOU GET HEREE I WANT A GREEN ONe

gaymian: "winn dizie"

gretch-is-fetch: wheres karen!!!!

caddyheron: ummmm???!!! did you idiots lose karen

troybolton: she s at the refershmebt table 

apexpredator: DAMIAN IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR GAY ASS OUT HERE I STG

gaymian: I WAS CLIMBING OUT THE JANIS DOOR I'M S O R R Y

troybolton: apple apoje applu applw aplle apole apple APOHE APPLE APLEE

apexpredator: JESUS CHRIST I'LL GET THE GODDAMN APPLE AARON

troybolton: yiss

karenissexy: im the only one whos not drunk i just cant drive yet!!!!!! are you guys proud of me??? :D 

caddyheron: oh my sweet summer child

caddyheron: Yes We Are

apexpredator: How the hell did they get all the way to Cedar Avenue??? 

gretch-is-fetch: di you guts ever thinj about the Inevitability Of Death

caddyheron: how did she spell that last part entirely correctly,,, im,,,,, 

why-its-janis: HELL YEA SAD HOURSSSS

caddyheron: janis N O ,,,,!!!!! 

apexpredator: GRETCHEN KAREN AND AARON GET THE FUCK OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW

caddyheron: mom is mad

apexpredator: SHUT UP CADY

caddyheron: sorry mom

troybolton: GIVGBBBEEE MEEEE THEEEEE APPLLNGHHEEEEE APLLE APPLE!!!!!!! 

why-its-janis: why the fuck is he dancing his way to the car

gaymian: """dancing"""

gretch-is-fetch: PLEAS tell me yiu guyd have water

caddyheron: ofc we do bby

apexpredator: Hey Aaron I'm gonna throw the apple to you in the backseat now.

troybolton: IT HAS ARRIVED

ronnie: What Is Happening,,,,

caddyheron: why is he rolling down the wi n dow--

why-its-janis: aaRON N O 

apexpredator: WHAT THE EVERLOVING F U C K

caddyheron: HJSNHSS FOR ANYONE WHO WASNT HERE AARON JUSTCAUGHT THE APPLE, ROLLED DOWN THE WINDOW,,, WOUND HIS ARM UP, AND H U R L E D THE APPLE THROUGH THE WINDOW DIRECTLY AT THE WINDOW OF THIS BITCH'S HOUSEPARTY AND THE WINDOW OF THE HOUSE JUST S H A T T E R E D

caddyheron: REGINA JUST SLAMMED ON THE GAS AND WE'RE GOING 45 IN A 25 MPH SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD

macaron: oh my GO D is everyone okaY

caddyheron: yes but regina is SCREAMING at aaron and janis is clutching onto me hhnnhjsdjsj

why-its-janis: hi i HATE this

ronnie: Oh nooo 

ronnie has muted the chat

caddyheron: HHHNSNSGS VERONI C A

troybolton: fcuck yeah looj at taht appke

gaymian: aaron honey please shut the hell up

karenissexy: why did he throw it????

apexpredator: EVERYONE JUST S H U T  
U P AND LET!!! ME!!! DRIVE!!!

caddyheron: the apple was only a dollar but the cashier looked at regina so weird for only buying one lol

caddyheron: O H MY GOD WHOEVER OWNS THE HOUSE IS FOLLOWIBG US IN THEIR CAR GEHSBSHSHSN REGINAAA  
D R I V E !!!!!!! 

macaron: im sorry WHAT

why-its-janis: a a r o n w h yyyyyy y y y

troybolton: its ikay hes ny friend

gaymian: no hes not babe,,, 

gaymian: you shattered the window of his house

troybolton: gimne an apole to ATE

apexpredator: Hell no. Go to sleep, bitch.


	50. The Picture Regina Sent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry  
> copy and paste lads


	51. Big Thottie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dont question this
> 
>  
> 
> please
> 
>  
> 
> the chicken dream is inspired by my dad who had recurring nightmares as a child that a giant chicken was running through his house destroying everything in its path 
> 
> i couldnt make this up if i wanted to

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in today's segment: gretchen is a god, cady is a disaster bi, regina and janis want to kill each other, and damian takes a phat nap

smash that like button if you're big gay, 3:42 a.m.

 

apexpredator: Alright, thots. We're home. Everyone pick somewhere to sleep; my mom's out on bussiness (thank God) so everyone can spread out around the house! 

troybolton: GIBE ME ANITHER APPJE

apexpredator: And someone please deal with him.

gaymian: i got it dw bitch <3

apexpredator: Thanks bitch <3

caddyheron: so u h,,, ,,

caddyheron: is anyone else wondering where that guy that was following us went??

gretch-is-fetch: yall ever drean abmout. Cats frim Outer Space ?

karenissexy: go to sleep child

gretch-is-fetch: MAKE ME

karenissexy: mad face emoji!!! 

caddyheron: jesus ch ris t,,,

caddyheron: GUYS 

why-its-janis: cady its fine <3 he probably gave up once we left the neighborhood!

gaymian: janis is right,, just chill & get some rest caddy

caddyheron: you guys: its fiiinnne just chill :))  
my anxiété brain: WEEWOOWEEWOO HOUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM THIS IS A !!!CRISIS!!!

apexpredator: My last brain cell in AP Physics.

gaymian: "anxiété"

why-its-janis: also caddy not to b ~soft~ but u should come cuddle with me <3 i made u some tea

apexpredator: Uhh bitch??? We don't have tea here??

why-its-janis: i know; i carry tea bags on me At All Times bc tea calms cady down lol

gaymian: HHSNSNHSGS MY H E A R T

karenissexy: eveyone we have a C R I S I S

gaymian: e v e y o n e

caddyheron: what?? 

karenissexy: GRETCHEB IS GONEE AND I DONT JNOW WHERE SHE WENT

gaymian: sweetie shes dancing to toxic on the coffee table downstairs

apexpredator: WHAT.

gaymian: aqueen.mov

apexpredator: DAMIAN MAKE HER GET DOWN BEFORE SHE FALLS AND BREAKS SOMETHING

gaymian: but shes doing so well!! 

apexpredator: D A M I A N

gaymian: fiiinnnnee 

gaymian: lolshefall.mov

apexpredator has muted the chat

caddyheron: fair enough,,,

why-its-janis: No One can tell me reginald isnt the Softest bitch in our friend group i stg,,, 

why-its-janis: this hoe really drove a town away to pick up her drunk ass friends with her OTHER dumbass friends piled into her backseat,,, that's some Chaotic Mom Friend shit

gaymian: GOD janis's MIND 

why-its-janis: im a scholar i know ;) 

caddyheron: hey quick question can everyone shut the everloving FLIP up so i can STOP  
PANICKING

why-its-janis: damian turn off britney or  
ill run downstairs and behead you

damian: BUT OOPS I DID IT AGAIN JUST CAME ON!!

why-its-janis: just uSE EARBUDS YOU SOGGY Q-TIP

apexpredator has unmuted the chat

apexpredator: Damian, if you turn that goddamn music off you can use my airpods to listen to it.

gaymian: holy shot i lov one woman???!!!

caddyheron: "holy shot"

gretch-is-fetch: EVERONE H E L P

I HAD A DREANM ABOUT BIG THOTTIE AND HES ASTRAL PROJECTIBF INTO THEVREAL WORKD WERE ALL DOOMED

karenissexy has muted the chat

gaymian: karen takes no shit

why-its-janis: Gretchen,,, Honey,,,,, WHAT DOES ANY OF THAT MEAN

gaymian: from what she just screamed at me in a panic,,, i have gleaned 4 pieces of information-

1) gretchen had a dream about a giant chicken (???)  
2) the chicken's name is "Big Thottie"  
3) she thinks the chicken has entered the real world from her dream  
4) she is Fully Convinced big thottie will kill us if we don't barricade All The Doors

 

caddyheron: blease god just let big thottie take us all out,,,

apexpredator: Cady Are You Okay 

gaymian: GUYS SHES PUSHING ALL REGINALDS FURNITURE AGAINST THE DOORS WHAT DO I DO

apexpredator: HJSNSHHS S T O P H E R

why-its-janis: Breaking News Everyone,,, Reginald Keyboard Smashes For The First Time In 84 Years

ronnie: 1) What the hell 2) Mac and I are here for Moral Support!! Open Up Hoes!!!!

apexpredator: Oh, thank God. Damian get the door.

gaymian: I CANT GRETCHEN IS ATTACKINF ME BECAYDE I LUNGED FOR THE HANDLE HSGSNSBFJFHHHHH

caddyheron: holy flip gretchen killed damian

apexpredator: I Have To Do EVERYTHING Myself

caddyheron: hhHhnnsnsG for anyone who's wondering regina just Stomped downstairs, pulled gretchen off damian, moved the loveseat from in front of the door, and let a very concerned veronica and heather in im screamig

why-its-janis: VERONICA

apexpredator: Every time Janis throws herself down the stairs I get super worried but she's always fine???!

gaymian: she strong

caddyheron: damian blease stop 

ronnie: We brought pizza and hangover cures <3

caddyheron: GOD B L E S S OH MY HEHSNSGS

macaron: yee yee

ronnie: Babe please stop,,,

macaron: Y E E Y E E

ronnie: We're getting divorced. 

gaymian: if mac and ronnie divorce each other mac and regina should date

caddyheron: HHHGSSHBSJ 

apexpredator: There's Only Room For One Blonde In All Of My Relationships 

caddyheron: hey can we finally talk abt how regina dated someone whomst looked Exactly like janis without dyed hair hahah we should Talk About That

apexpredator: No We Really Shouldn't

ronnie: I For One Think We Should

macaron: big yikes

why-its-janis: does regina is gay???

gaymian: hhhHhnngshs

gaymian: i just walked in on karen asleep in the bathtub on the 2nd floor and shes managed to knock Every Single Shampoo And Soap Bottle Onto The Floor,,,

apexpredator: Jesus Christ--

caddyheron: HEY REGINA WHY DO YOU LIKE JANIS

why-its-janis: wat

gaymian: Cady What

caddyheron: !!!! REGINA DATED VERONICA AND THEY LOOK EXACTLY ALIKE AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO WANTS TO TALK ABOUT THAT

gaymian: caddy,, janis and veronica are Completely Different

caddyheron: i knOwW 

caddyheron: it just weirds me out a little

apexpredator: Understandable, I guess. 

gaymian: veronica is a distinguished bi & jan is a disaster lesbian,,, The Difference Is Apparent

caddyheron: iiiiiIIII KNOW DAMIAN 

ronnie: For a second I thought that said "disgusting bi" and I was like "alright, valid" 

caddyheron: meeee

apexpredator: Hey IDIOTS (cough CADY cough)!!!! I Don't Have A Crush On Janis Dumbass Sarkisian Leave Me Alone!!! 

troybolton: mom raelly snappt

gaymian: ew i thought aaron was asleep hehsns

troybolton: two ba d bitnhes im ALIGE

caddyheron: "snappt" im screaming

why-its-janis: hey regina if you come near me ill literally fling myself out a window

apexpredator: That's bs and you know it.

why-its-janis: ur the bane of my miserable fucking existence <3

caddyheron: kids stop!!

gaymian: shhh let them  
banter

ronnie: Regina and Janis sober and not sleep-deprived- Ilysm you're an absolute angel but also you annoy the shit out of me sometimes but That's Okay because We're Pals

Regina and Janis sleep-deprived and drunk- Come near me and I will Slaughter You And Everything You Love, you Absolute Dungeon Gremlin Goblin-Faced Hoe,,, You Are The Reason I'm Sad And Drunk

apexpredator: She really came for us,,,

why-its-janis: hey veronica fun date idea for u and mac GET OUT OF REGINAS HOUSE

macaron: ow my feeling

ronnie: Aww babe only one?? 

macaron: yea its sadness 

ronnie: *Sad lmao* same

caddyheron: their dynamic oh my god

gaymian: GUYS AARON IS RUNNING AROUND THE SECOND FLOOR WITH REGINAS MAKEUP ON SINGING PLEASE HELP HOLY AHIT,,;)/(&2!2'kkssk

caddyheron: oh my god 

caddyheron: aaron killed damian

ronnie: Don't worry guys I know how to handle this ;)

caddyheron: verONI C A JHSJSNSH

macaron: she copes with humor ;)

ronnie: :''')))

apexpredator: An Y W a Y

troybolton: Damian Tryed ToStip me fron singuhf becaus e he daid i woukd wake up jaren and so i Tavkled Him

why-its-janis: bitch exCUSE ME

caddyheron: hhJhhjjjHHHH I JUST RAN UPSTAIRS TO MAKE SURE EVERYTHING WAS OK AND DAMIAN IS LIKE FULLY KNOCKED OUT AND ITS FREAKING ME OUT I CANT GET HIM TO WAKE  
UP

why-its-janis: A A R O N 

troybolton: IM GOIGN SLEP NOW DONOT BOTHER NE PLEAFE 

ronnie: Holy shit what

ronnie: Is he breathing

caddyheron: YES OH MYGO D

caddyheron: HES JUST LIKE. REALLY STILL AND ITS FREAKINGNME OUT I DONT KNOW IF HES OKAY

why-its-janis: WHAT ROOM ARE YOU IN

caddyheron: THE THIRD DOOR ON THE RIGHT 

apexpredator: EVERYONE SHUT UP

apexpredator: Pour some water on that bitch. Ice bucket challenge him.

macaron: ronnie and i are bringing some water up now!!!

caddyheron: thank god

why-its-janis: that SCARED me holy shit holy s h i t 

caddyheron: yeethesawakeandpissed.mov

apexpredator: I SCREAMED his FACE,,,

gaymian: This Is Not Amusing Janis Shut Up

why-its-janis: i caNT STOP LAUGHING IT WAS LIKE THAT VINE WHERE THEY POUR WATER ON THAT GIRL AND SHE JUST GOES "H E L L O ???"

caddyheron: aaron just passed out and id like to suggest we all do the same

ronnie: There's no way any of us are going to school tomorrow,,,

caddyheron: today* lmao its exhaustion hours

apexpredator: Agreed

why-its-janis: hey regInA wanna cuddle with me and caddy ;))

apexpredator: Oh my God S T O P

why-its-janis: u know u love it ;)))

apexpredator has blocked why-its-janis

gaymian: mom snappt

caddyheron has muted the chat


End file.
